Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Hello,
Taking things too personally is a colossal waste of time and energy. You will notice afterwards you had very little to do with what you catastrophized about.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Taking Things Too Personally "I take things too personally" is a remark I hear frequently from clients and friends. If your spouse comes home crabby, do you feel responsible, guilty, irritated, and finally, crabby yourself? If you fail to get an invitation to lunch, or to a party or wedding, do you take it personally and then doubt yourself and your popularity? If someone else gets the contract, do you believe you have failed to deliver? If your boss forgets to say good morning, do you automatically think that he/she is mad at you? If your guests want to go home early, does that immediately suggest they dislike your company?
Frequently, we have our whole day ruined because someone else's behavior rubs off on us, and we feel responsible. We often find that whenever someone else is upset, we feel a great pressure that somehow we are to blame. As a result, we take their behavior personally, which makes us defensive, anxious, miserable and insecure.
It is important to gain some understanding as to the roots of this problem, and look at some possible reasons why we become hypersensitive and take things too personally. With this understanding, you'll gain some valuable perspectives on how to handle the problem.
1. Setting up a crisis to look for approval.
Most of us have a great need for approval and validation from others. We want to get strokes and reinforcement on a regular basis from just about everybody. Sometimes, we will deliberately set up situations in order to receive reinforcement. When we take things personally, we are invariably upset by feeling responsible for another person's mood or behavior. Often this creates a crisis whereby other people now have to reinforce us and give us the approval that we're okay.
2. Obtain insurance for belonging to others and against having to be alone.
Many of us have a great problem with the thought of being alone. Moreover, many of us have spent our entire lives without ever having been alone, so the prospect of being alone creates great panic and anxiety. We'll strive consciously and unconsciously to connect and belong with other people. Taking things too personally is a device to ensure "belonging" with others. When you feel responsible for another person's behavior, you get to belong to that person's situation and therefore can avoid feeling alone. You may find that if you have a great need to take care of other people and belong to them, you will also tend to take personally many of the moods and situations that they own. In this way, hypersensitivity becomes a device which allows us to avoid being alone and promotes the feeling that we have a place of great significance -we get to be responsible (for someone else's behavior!)
3. Obtain insurance against maturing, growing up, and being an adult.
When taking things very personally, many people exhibit childish and infantile behavior. Sometimes they pout, behave in a socially inappropriate way, become very silent and cold, or become dramatic and explosive. Much of the time, this kind of behavior is both childish and counterproductive to progress in relationships. In addition, when people take things too personally, they fail to distinguish themselves from the behavior of others; they are unable to differentiate between what is inside or outside of them. They tend to lose track of whose behavior is whose! This condition, referred to as over-generalizing, occurs when an individual thinks that he/she is always, in some way, connected to the behavior of others (much the way children think). By taking something too personally, you have ensured that you can behave childishly because you think you must have something to do with another person's mood or behavior. Consequently, the process of maturing, growing, and being adult is retarded.
4. We get to enhance our narcissism.
Narcissism is the tendency to be wrapped up in ourselves - thinking the world revolves around us. Most adolescents feel this way. They are obsessed with their clothes, activities, social groups, fads, language, and their impact on others. They delude themselves into thinking they are necessary and central to the progress of everything. Narcissism is the need to be significant and important. Taking things too personally enhances narcissism because if we think we must be responsible for external events, then we've just reinforced the delusional need to be important and significant to everything and everyone around us. Certainly the tendency to take things too personally is quite common and extremely counterproductive. Hypersensitive people are always ready to react to others around them and are rarely, if ever, in a proactive control position. In addition, the thinking focus is geared toward outcome rather than process. For these types learning is absent and is unfortunately replaced by observing, agonizing, and obsessing about themselves.
What can you do? When you observe distressing behavior in someone else and find you're taking it too personally, it will help to consider the following three questions:
1. "Am I responsible for what has just occurred?"
When a loved one, friend, or business associate is in a bad mood, seems irritable, pouty, depressed, impatient, defiant, etc., ask yourself the question "Am I really responsible for this person's behavior?" Often you will realize that you are seldom if ever responsible, and the other person has chosen to behave that way for a myriad of reasons unconnected to you. Further, if the person refuses to tell you what is wrong, avoid fretting over the problem and feeling anxious about it yourself. Just let the person be miserable and give him/her permission to explain whenever he or she is ready.
2. Is this my problem?
This question is critical. There are times when "yes" appears to be the only answer. Even when the other person's behavior has absolutely zero to do with you, it still appears to become your problem. However, it is important to remember that the problem only becomes yours when you choose to make it yours. It is much more likely, after some serious evaluation, you will conclude that the problem is in fact owned by someone else. So the answer to this question should typically be a very reassuring "no".
3. Do I have to get upset?
Certainly you can get upset if you want. You can become anxious, worried, and lean toward crisis-junkie catastrophizing, but do you really have to? Is it a necessary obligation that you must be upset? Remind yourself that being upset is a choice, and that you can choose to remain calm and unaffected by the other person's behavior. Further, it is important to renounce the thinking that becoming upset is a way of showing you care about another person. There are other numerous and appropriate ways of showing high regard. Caring is typically unrelated to self-thrashing.
These three questions are immensely helpful in controlling the natural knee-jerk reflex of becoming hypersensitive and taking things too personally. Whenever you start to automatically feel responsible for situations happening around you and begin doubting your own adequacy, these questions can help control that temptation.
So again, remember to ask yourself:
1. Am I responsible for this person's actions?
2. Is this my problem?
3. Do I have to get upset?
When one or more of the answers is "no"; you will begin to notice rapid growth and recovery in yourself, and waste less time on unnecessary conflict, anxiety, or hypersensitivity.
In conclusion, ask yourself the following: 1. What am I noticing about my tendency to take things too personally? 2. What are my options? 3. What am I learning about these options? 4. What will I now do differently? You will see rapid growth in yourself and spend far less time consumed with unnecessary conflict or anxiety.
Hey Guys!
When your woman gets emotionally spun-up -- sometimes she turns into the "Wicked Witch of the West" and so what do you do? Tell her she's irrational? Abandon her? Pour water on her?
Do you ever notice that those all work poorly? What to do instead? SCOOP HER! (See below)
Dr. Perry on You Tube New: Scooping
The Magic is in the obvious... so, Embrace Common Sense!
This is the latest in my You Tube videos... SCOOPING! It works! Check it out.
As we all know, common sense is very uncommon! That is why we have put together some video vignettes that are sensible, prudent, practical, logical, and reflecting sound judgement. There are now 12 video vignettes on several subjects including:
Taking things too personally is a colossal waste of time and energy. You will notice afterwards you had very little to do with what you catastrophized about.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Taking Things Too Personally "I take things too personally" is a remark I hear frequently from clients and friends. If your spouse comes home crabby, do you feel responsible, guilty, irritated, and finally, crabby yourself? If you fail to get an invitation to lunch, or to a party or wedding, do you take it personally and then doubt yourself and your popularity? If someone else gets the contract, do you believe you have failed to deliver? If your boss forgets to say good morning, do you automatically think that he/she is mad at you? If your guests want to go home early, does that immediately suggest they dislike your company?
Frequently, we have our whole day ruined because someone else's behavior rubs off on us, and we feel responsible. We often find that whenever someone else is upset, we feel a great pressure that somehow we are to blame. As a result, we take their behavior personally, which makes us defensive, anxious, miserable and insecure.
It is important to gain some understanding as to the roots of this problem, and look at some possible reasons why we become hypersensitive and take things too personally. With this understanding, you'll gain some valuable perspectives on how to handle the problem.
1. Setting up a crisis to look for approval.
Most of us have a great need for approval and validation from others. We want to get strokes and reinforcement on a regular basis from just about everybody. Sometimes, we will deliberately set up situations in order to receive reinforcement. When we take things personally, we are invariably upset by feeling responsible for another person's mood or behavior. Often this creates a crisis whereby other people now have to reinforce us and give us the approval that we're okay.
2. Obtain insurance for belonging to others and against having to be alone.
Many of us have a great problem with the thought of being alone. Moreover, many of us have spent our entire lives without ever having been alone, so the prospect of being alone creates great panic and anxiety. We'll strive consciously and unconsciously to connect and belong with other people. Taking things too personally is a device to ensure "belonging" with others. When you feel responsible for another person's behavior, you get to belong to that person's situation and therefore can avoid feeling alone. You may find that if you have a great need to take care of other people and belong to them, you will also tend to take personally many of the moods and situations that they own. In this way, hypersensitivity becomes a device which allows us to avoid being alone and promotes the feeling that we have a place of great significance -we get to be responsible (for someone else's behavior!)
3. Obtain insurance against maturing, growing up, and being an adult.
When taking things very personally, many people exhibit childish and infantile behavior. Sometimes they pout, behave in a socially inappropriate way, become very silent and cold, or become dramatic and explosive. Much of the time, this kind of behavior is both childish and counterproductive to progress in relationships. In addition, when people take things too personally, they fail to distinguish themselves from the behavior of others; they are unable to differentiate between what is inside or outside of them. They tend to lose track of whose behavior is whose! This condition, referred to as over-generalizing, occurs when an individual thinks that he/she is always, in some way, connected to the behavior of others (much the way children think). By taking something too personally, you have ensured that you can behave childishly because you think you must have something to do with another person's mood or behavior. Consequently, the process of maturing, growing, and being adult is retarded.
4. We get to enhance our narcissism.
Narcissism is the tendency to be wrapped up in ourselves - thinking the world revolves around us. Most adolescents feel this way. They are obsessed with their clothes, activities, social groups, fads, language, and their impact on others. They delude themselves into thinking they are necessary and central to the progress of everything. Narcissism is the need to be significant and important. Taking things too personally enhances narcissism because if we think we must be responsible for external events, then we've just reinforced the delusional need to be important and significant to everything and everyone around us. Certainly the tendency to take things too personally is quite common and extremely counterproductive. Hypersensitive people are always ready to react to others around them and are rarely, if ever, in a proactive control position. In addition, the thinking focus is geared toward outcome rather than process. For these types learning is absent and is unfortunately replaced by observing, agonizing, and obsessing about themselves.
What can you do? When you observe distressing behavior in someone else and find you're taking it too personally, it will help to consider the following three questions:
1. "Am I responsible for what has just occurred?"
When a loved one, friend, or business associate is in a bad mood, seems irritable, pouty, depressed, impatient, defiant, etc., ask yourself the question "Am I really responsible for this person's behavior?" Often you will realize that you are seldom if ever responsible, and the other person has chosen to behave that way for a myriad of reasons unconnected to you. Further, if the person refuses to tell you what is wrong, avoid fretting over the problem and feeling anxious about it yourself. Just let the person be miserable and give him/her permission to explain whenever he or she is ready.
2. Is this my problem?
This question is critical. There are times when "yes" appears to be the only answer. Even when the other person's behavior has absolutely zero to do with you, it still appears to become your problem. However, it is important to remember that the problem only becomes yours when you choose to make it yours. It is much more likely, after some serious evaluation, you will conclude that the problem is in fact owned by someone else. So the answer to this question should typically be a very reassuring "no".
3. Do I have to get upset?
Certainly you can get upset if you want. You can become anxious, worried, and lean toward crisis-junkie catastrophizing, but do you really have to? Is it a necessary obligation that you must be upset? Remind yourself that being upset is a choice, and that you can choose to remain calm and unaffected by the other person's behavior. Further, it is important to renounce the thinking that becoming upset is a way of showing you care about another person. There are other numerous and appropriate ways of showing high regard. Caring is typically unrelated to self-thrashing.
These three questions are immensely helpful in controlling the natural knee-jerk reflex of becoming hypersensitive and taking things too personally. Whenever you start to automatically feel responsible for situations happening around you and begin doubting your own adequacy, these questions can help control that temptation.
So again, remember to ask yourself:
1. Am I responsible for this person's actions?
2. Is this my problem?
3. Do I have to get upset?
When one or more of the answers is "no"; you will begin to notice rapid growth and recovery in yourself, and waste less time on unnecessary conflict, anxiety, or hypersensitivity.
In conclusion, ask yourself the following: 1. What am I noticing about my tendency to take things too personally? 2. What are my options? 3. What am I learning about these options? 4. What will I now do differently? You will see rapid growth in yourself and spend far less time consumed with unnecessary conflict or anxiety.
Hey Guys!
When your woman gets emotionally spun-up -- sometimes she turns into the "Wicked Witch of the West" and so what do you do? Tell her she's irrational? Abandon her? Pour water on her?
Do you ever notice that those all work poorly? What to do instead? SCOOP HER! (See below)
Dr. Perry on You Tube New: Scooping
The Magic is in the obvious... so, Embrace Common Sense!
This is the latest in my You Tube videos... SCOOPING! It works! Check it out.
As we all know, common sense is very uncommon! That is why we have put together some video vignettes that are sensible, prudent, practical, logical, and reflecting sound judgement. There are now 12 video vignettes on several subjects including:
- Responding to a Thank You
- The Yeah Buts
- The Success Formula
- Taking Things Too Personally
- Common Sense
- Shoulding on Others
- Reinforcement
- Multiple Options
- Thank You Notes
- Announcing Your Honesty
- Scooping
If you want to DO WHAT YOU KNOW, you must equip yourself with the TOOLS to help you engage COMMON SENSE.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
When you change your language, you will change your life. Tell it like it is!
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Speak in Inclusion: The Road to Optimism
If you could live the rest of your life more optimistically or pessimistically, which would you choose? I've asked that question of thousands of people in a dozen countries around the world and they always say the same thing - OPTIMISTICALLY. Why? Because most everyone suspects that living optimistically is better all around. The research shows that people who are more optimistic live longer, are healthier, recover faster from setbacks, lead happier lives, and are up to 50% more productive.
So, if all that is true, and most of us would prefer to be optimistic, how can we learn to do it?
I have found a method that works: Speak in the Language of Inclusion!
Consider this: most children up to age 12 are generally much more optimistic than adults. Then consider how they speak. They talk about what everything IS... "It's great, it's neat, it's awesome, it's stupid, it's boring, it's awful, it's the bomb." Kids speak this way all the time. They say what it IS, even when they are speaking about something they dislike.
Grownups on the other hand speak in Exclusion 90% of the time. They talk about what everything is NOT... "It's not bad, it's not a problem, it's not as bad as it looks, I have no argument, if nothing gets in our way, no problem, there's not a day that goes by that I don't want to, I don't see any reason why you can't, why don't you..."
If you start noticing your speech, you will notice your language is in EXCLUSION most of the time. Is it possible that this exclusionary language is also affecting your outlook?
If you are always talking about what is NOT there (what is missing) then it's quite difficult to be optimistic. Could it be that your habit of language is actually keeping you pessimistic?
So, what to do? Learn a lesson from children and CHANGE YOUR LANGUAGE TO INCLUSION. Simply look for the word "not" in your language and replace it with something inclusive. Instead of "no problem," say "it's a pleasure."
Instead of "why don't we," say "how about we." Instead of "I don't disagree," say "I agree." Instead of "not only that," say "in addition to that."
You will be amazed over time to see how this small change in your language will have a powerful effect on you and your outlook on life. Simply say what it IS instead of what it is NOT.
So, if you want to be more optimistic, change your language and change your life... Tell it like it is!
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Speak in Inclusion: The Road to Optimism
If you could live the rest of your life more optimistically or pessimistically, which would you choose? I've asked that question of thousands of people in a dozen countries around the world and they always say the same thing - OPTIMISTICALLY. Why? Because most everyone suspects that living optimistically is better all around. The research shows that people who are more optimistic live longer, are healthier, recover faster from setbacks, lead happier lives, and are up to 50% more productive.
So, if all that is true, and most of us would prefer to be optimistic, how can we learn to do it?
I have found a method that works: Speak in the Language of Inclusion!
Consider this: most children up to age 12 are generally much more optimistic than adults. Then consider how they speak. They talk about what everything IS... "It's great, it's neat, it's awesome, it's stupid, it's boring, it's awful, it's the bomb." Kids speak this way all the time. They say what it IS, even when they are speaking about something they dislike.
Grownups on the other hand speak in Exclusion 90% of the time. They talk about what everything is NOT... "It's not bad, it's not a problem, it's not as bad as it looks, I have no argument, if nothing gets in our way, no problem, there's not a day that goes by that I don't want to, I don't see any reason why you can't, why don't you..."
If you start noticing your speech, you will notice your language is in EXCLUSION most of the time. Is it possible that this exclusionary language is also affecting your outlook?
If you are always talking about what is NOT there (what is missing) then it's quite difficult to be optimistic. Could it be that your habit of language is actually keeping you pessimistic?
So, what to do? Learn a lesson from children and CHANGE YOUR LANGUAGE TO INCLUSION. Simply look for the word "not" in your language and replace it with something inclusive. Instead of "no problem," say "it's a pleasure."
Instead of "why don't we," say "how about we." Instead of "I don't disagree," say "I agree." Instead of "not only that," say "in addition to that."
You will be amazed over time to see how this small change in your language will have a powerful effect on you and your outlook on life. Simply say what it IS instead of what it is NOT.
So, if you want to be more optimistic, change your language and change your life... Tell it like it is!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Hello Everyone!
You must remember the power of three or more options whenever you have stress, upset, anxiety, or conflict. Multiple options will calm you down and help you to think clearly to resolve the issue.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Create Multiple Options: The Most Powerful Key to Resolving Conflict and Engaging Recovery
When people are in any type of stressful situation or conflict, they become anxious and polarize i.e. think in TWO OPTIONS: right/wrong, good/bad, success/failure, all/nothing, ally/enemy, together/apart, win/lose, etc.
When people polarize, they are stuck - usually fixated and obsessing on the negative of the two options: the bad, the loss, the failure, the wrong... which grinds any potential progress or resolution to a halt.
The result? Constant fear, worry, anxiety, anger, suspicion, and conflict. You can see this behavior often in issues surrounding unions and management, religions, divorces, parenting, political parties, lawsuits, and government.
What to do? In every situation, CREATE MULTIPLE OPTIONS - Minimum 3! It is amazing how powerful three options can be in any situation that might be problematic.
Example: You are about to close an important sales deal with a client. You name your price and your client balks. Your client wants the "hamburger" but not at your price. It is looking like a lost cause. He pays your price or you walk. It is rapidly becoming an all or nothing situation.
To break the deadlock, try changing your strategy: Offer him three options: "hamburger, cheeseburger, or cheeseburger with fries," three options, three price points.
Set in the context of the magic third option, you will be amazed how reasonable the original hamburger option now appears to your client. And what's even better... he is now even considering the "cheeseburger with fries."
The message is simple: In every conflict situation, CREATE MULTIPLE OPTIONS - MINIMUM 3! It works!
TUNE-UP YOUR UNION WITH DR. MITCHELL PERRY ON THE COUPLES' CRUISE to MAJESTIC ALASKA - SEPTEMBER 7-14!
Join this Couples' Cruise on September 7 through September 14 with renowned relationship expert Dr. Mitchell Perry on the magnificent ship, Infinity, touring the beauty and magic of Alaska.
Enjoy his funny, lively, and informative sessions on relationships, love, and strengthening your union. Whether you are: going steady, engaged, married, been together for many years, or trying it one more time, this cruise is perfect for you and your partner.
Private cocktail reception with Dr. Perry
Prepaid onboard gratuities
Several workshops with Dr. Perry Couples'
Camp 4-disc CD set
Champagne upon arrival in each stateroom
Other goodies and surprises!
This voyage with Dr. Perry is limited to 50 couples, so be sure to make your reservations early, as the first 5 couples to sign up will be able to attend an additional exclusive private workshop with Dr. Perry during the voyage.
This adventure is the perfect combination of experiencing:
The majesty of Alaska
Cruising aboard the beautiful Celebrity Cruise Ship - Infinity
How to tune-up your relationship with more love, fun, intimacy, commitment, and passion.
Every Couple attending will laugh, learn, and love the experience!
THE ULTIMATE VACATION FOR YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONE. CALL SANTA BARBARA TRAVEL AT 805 650 6999 or for more information go to: http://jmperrylearning.blogspot.com/2012/02/couples-cruise-to-alaska.html
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Create Multiple Options: The Most Powerful Key to Resolving Conflict and Engaging Recovery
When people are in any type of stressful situation or conflict, they become anxious and polarize i.e. think in TWO OPTIONS: right/wrong, good/bad, success/failure, all/nothing, ally/enemy, together/apart, win/lose, etc.
When people polarize, they are stuck - usually fixated and obsessing on the negative of the two options: the bad, the loss, the failure, the wrong... which grinds any potential progress or resolution to a halt.
The result? Constant fear, worry, anxiety, anger, suspicion, and conflict. You can see this behavior often in issues surrounding unions and management, religions, divorces, parenting, political parties, lawsuits, and government.
What to do? In every situation, CREATE MULTIPLE OPTIONS - Minimum 3! It is amazing how powerful three options can be in any situation that might be problematic.
Example: You are about to close an important sales deal with a client. You name your price and your client balks. Your client wants the "hamburger" but not at your price. It is looking like a lost cause. He pays your price or you walk. It is rapidly becoming an all or nothing situation.
To break the deadlock, try changing your strategy: Offer him three options: "hamburger, cheeseburger, or cheeseburger with fries," three options, three price points.
Set in the context of the magic third option, you will be amazed how reasonable the original hamburger option now appears to your client. And what's even better... he is now even considering the "cheeseburger with fries."
The message is simple: In every conflict situation, CREATE MULTIPLE OPTIONS - MINIMUM 3! It works!
TUNE-UP YOUR UNION WITH DR. MITCHELL PERRY ON THE COUPLES' CRUISE to MAJESTIC ALASKA - SEPTEMBER 7-14!
Join this Couples' Cruise on September 7 through September 14 with renowned relationship expert Dr. Mitchell Perry on the magnificent ship, Infinity, touring the beauty and magic of Alaska.
Enjoy his funny, lively, and informative sessions on relationships, love, and strengthening your union. Whether you are: going steady, engaged, married, been together for many years, or trying it one more time, this cruise is perfect for you and your partner.
Private cocktail reception with Dr. Perry
Prepaid onboard gratuities
Several workshops with Dr. Perry Couples'
Camp 4-disc CD set
Champagne upon arrival in each stateroom
Other goodies and surprises!
This voyage with Dr. Perry is limited to 50 couples, so be sure to make your reservations early, as the first 5 couples to sign up will be able to attend an additional exclusive private workshop with Dr. Perry during the voyage.
This adventure is the perfect combination of experiencing:
The majesty of Alaska
Cruising aboard the beautiful Celebrity Cruise Ship - Infinity
How to tune-up your relationship with more love, fun, intimacy, commitment, and passion.
Every Couple attending will laugh, learn, and love the experience!
THE ULTIMATE VACATION FOR YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONE. CALL SANTA BARBARA TRAVEL AT 805 650 6999 or for more information go to: http://jmperrylearning.blogspot.com/2012/02/couples-cruise-to-alaska.html
Monday, January 30, 2012
The Perry Perspective
Hello Everyone!
The prison of dependency is very expensive. To deliberately opt to be dependent and then complain about the very situation you chose is a new level of insanity.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
THE PRISON OF DEPENDENCY
The fascinating thing is how many people deliberately opt for a dependency existence either personally, professionally, emotionally, and/or financially... then they spend their lives complaining and remaining hostage to the very condition for which they opted.
Some examples to consider:
Government Workers (the Public Sector) - They tend to go down a path that is often predetermined. They trade their control over their destiny for the illusion that security is worth it. They then are mostly rewarded by how LONG they have been working, rather than how WELL they are working. Many often remain miserable people and expect a predictable pay grade, lifestyle, etc., all the while remaining malcontents simply because they choose to remain hostage to a situation that keeps them dependent.
Good-looking Women (sex objects) who are with rich men (success objects) - Many of these women often go after men with money to gain the dependence on emotional and financial security (an illusion of safety), however, once they get the commitment they want from the man, many tend to change and treat the guy badly... they become critical, demanding, disapproving, and pejorative simply because they are dependent and are now "hostage" in their heads, to the man. The very dependency they wanted is the very situation that now reminds them of their own weakness. Therefore, they blame the guy and treat him badly. (The more you give up responsibility for yourself, the more it makes you continually blame others for your condition.)
Healthcare Workers, Shift Workers at the Company Plant, and Retail Service Representatives. For example, thirty years ago, being a flight attendant was a glamorous job with great pay, perks, and benefits Over the years things have clearly changed... working conditions, passenger behavior, grooming, and the entire travelling experience. I think this job is the last thing many flight attendants thought they would be doing thirty years later. Clearly many of them appear to often feel hostage to the job because of seniority, vesting, or they are clueless as to what else they would be doing. This has made many of them bitter and filled with TDC (thinly disguised contempt). Therefore, it appears many often want the customers to enjoy their unhappiness. Once again, the very dependency they opted for has made them hostage and therefore, weak, powerless, and unhappy.
Divorce Agreements - It is clear that couples who are unable to reach agreement in divorce settlements are often very unhappy and complaining when the final disillusion decision is made by the courts. The more the couple is dependent on the decisions of the judge, the more it creates anger and complaints. On the other hand, couples who take responsibility together to arrive at acceptable divorce settlements tend to accept the results and move on with their lives with less complaining and going back to court.
The Fabric of Society
As so many more people continue to adopt the ENTITLEMENT attitude where the "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY?" perspective becomes ubiquitous, I expect that more and more people will give up control over their lives to government, disability support, dipping into the public treasury, unions, welfare, entitlements, etc., which simply continues to insure their unhappiness/misery as a consequence of wanting to be dependent. As more people opt to be dependent, they want to be taken care of, and therefore, their initiative, self-respect, performance, and control over their lives evaporates. Thus the omnipresent dependency addiction simply sucks the life out of society.
Presently, according to a recent article, 48% of all families in the US today are dipping into the public treasury somehow. This means that approximately half of the population is opting to be dependent on the other half... all while complaining and whining. And, certainly the half that is paying is getting really tired of enabling the dependent people to remain dependent and whining.
So it seems that people with this dependency addiction have 3 options:
Continue as they are, expect to be dependent, avoid responsibility for their lives, and keep complaining / whining.
Continue the dependency behavior, except quit the complaining and whining. Simply accept the security and keep quiet.
Decide to take responsibility / control for their lives and future, act more independent, take more initiative, and be more proactive.
Abraham Lincoln said, "You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down. You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred. You cannot build character and courage by taking away people's initiative and independence. You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves."
It is time for us as a large group of citizens to grow up, establish more backbone, take responsibility for ourselves, appreciate what we have and quit demanding to be taken care of.
Further, if you remain dependent, then quit complaining about the very condition for which you opted.
Only when you take responsibility for your life, your behavior, your decisions, and your future can you develop some real solid self-respect. And, self-respect is critical if you want to like what you see in the mirror.
IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOUR STRENGTH OF CHARACTER!
IT'S COMMON SENSE!
And remember, Common Sense is very uncommon!
Strength of Character
Gaining competitive advantage by raising the bar
Strength of Character explores integrity, responsibility, and generosity of spirit in the business setting, driving a stake into the ground and defining the ethical standards by which business will need to be practiced in the coming decades. This CD explains how leaders and workers can set a new course towards character standards that we all can agree are compelling and necessary. The magic begins when individuals accept responsibility and start making ethical changes in themselves.
Strength of Character CD: $19.95
Strength of Character MP3: $16.95
NOTICE! Many of Dr. Perry's recordings are available on iTunes and Amazon.
TUNE-UP YOUR UNION WITH DR. MITCHELL PERRY ON THE COUPLES' CRUISE to MAJESTIC ALASKA!
Join this Couples' Cruise with renowned relationship expert
Dr. Mitchell Perry on the magnificent ship touring the beauty and magic of Alaska.
Enjoy his funny, lively, and informative sessions on relationships, love, and strengthening your union.
Whether you are:
going steady,
engaged,
married,
been together for many years,
or trying it one more time,
this cruise is perfect for you and your sweetheart.
This voyage with Dr. Perry is limited to 50 couples, and be sure to make reservations early as the first 5 couples to sign up will be able to attend an additional exclusive private workshop with Dr. Perry during the voyage.
This adventure is the perfect combination of experiencing:
The majesty of Alaska
Cruising aboard the beautiful Celebrity Cruise Ship - Infinity
How to tune-up your relationship with more love, fun, intimacy, commitment, and passion.
Every Couple attending will laugh, learn, and love the experience!
THE ULTIMATE VALENTINES GIFT FOR YOU AND YOUR LOVE
CALL SANTA BARBARA TRAVEL AT 805 650 6999.
Couples Camp
Couples Camp is a private, confidential way to look at your relationship with your partner. Listen to this 4-hour program along with your partner and you will learn how to improve it, restore the quality of it, maintain the quality of it, or fix what is broken. Whether you're married, in a committed relationship, or thinking about taking your current relationship to the next level, this 4-hour Couples Camp is for you.
Together we will ask and answer the following:
What is the foundation of our relationship?
What do we want from each other?
What kind of relationship do we have?
What is wrong in our relationship?
What is right with our relationship?
Couples Camp MP3 download only: $39.95
Dr. Perry on You Tube
The Magic is in the obvious... so, Embrace Common Sense!
As we all know, common sense is very uncommon! That is why we have put together some video vignettes that are sensible, prudent, practical, logical, and reflecting sound judgement.
There are now TEN video vignettes on several subjects including:
Responding to a Thank You
The Yeah Buts
The Success Formula
Taking Things Too Personally
Common Sense
Shoulding on Others
Reinforcement
Multiple Options
Thank You Notes
Announcing Your Honesty
We've had great response so far, with over 1800 views! There are many more to come, so please let us know what you think.
Log on to http://www.youtube.com/user/JMPerryLearning#p/u
If you want to DO WHAT YOU KNOW, you must equip yourself with the TOOLS to help you engage COMMON SENSE.
For You, Radio Worth Your Time!
"THE DR. MITCHELL PERRY SHOW"
Applied Common Sense*
*Because common sense is very uncommon... (and you CAN fix stupid!)
The Dr. Mitchell Perry Show: Applied Common Sense* Because common sense is very uncommon... airs Saturdays from 9:00 am - 11:00 am (Pacific) on KVTA AM1520. It is a little bit reasoning, a little bit education, a lot of laughs, and a whole lot of fun! Every Saturday morning Dr. Perry takes calls LIVE on his radio show on everything -- including relationships, business advice, personal growth, and the ever popular... "Common Sense is very Uncommon!"
He has a knack for saying it like it is without beating down his listeners. You can be sure that if there is an answer to your problem, Dr. Perry will help you figure it out. Listeners call in to get advice, discuss the day's events or simply to give their opinion on the latest topics.
The number to call the studio live is toll free
855- DR-PERRY (377-3779).
You can also listen to the show by logging on to http://www.kvta.com/ and then click on "LISTEN LIVE."
OUR NEW WEBSITE IS UP! There are a lot of new features, videos, audio recordings, podcasts of Dr. Perry's radio shows and a new shopping cart that makes it easy to purchase your favorite JM Perry products. Go to http://www.jmperry.com/ and check it out now!
JM Perry Learning
For more information about JM Perry Learning or JM Perry Products, go to http://www.jmperry.com/ or call 1 (855) DR PERRY.
Dr. Perry would love to speak to your organization! Call 1 (855) DR PERRY for details!
Hello Everyone!
The prison of dependency is very expensive. To deliberately opt to be dependent and then complain about the very situation you chose is a new level of insanity.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
THE PRISON OF DEPENDENCY
The fascinating thing is how many people deliberately opt for a dependency existence either personally, professionally, emotionally, and/or financially... then they spend their lives complaining and remaining hostage to the very condition for which they opted.
Some examples to consider:
Government Workers (the Public Sector) - They tend to go down a path that is often predetermined. They trade their control over their destiny for the illusion that security is worth it. They then are mostly rewarded by how LONG they have been working, rather than how WELL they are working. Many often remain miserable people and expect a predictable pay grade, lifestyle, etc., all the while remaining malcontents simply because they choose to remain hostage to a situation that keeps them dependent.
Good-looking Women (sex objects) who are with rich men (success objects) - Many of these women often go after men with money to gain the dependence on emotional and financial security (an illusion of safety), however, once they get the commitment they want from the man, many tend to change and treat the guy badly... they become critical, demanding, disapproving, and pejorative simply because they are dependent and are now "hostage" in their heads, to the man. The very dependency they wanted is the very situation that now reminds them of their own weakness. Therefore, they blame the guy and treat him badly. (The more you give up responsibility for yourself, the more it makes you continually blame others for your condition.)
Healthcare Workers, Shift Workers at the Company Plant, and Retail Service Representatives. For example, thirty years ago, being a flight attendant was a glamorous job with great pay, perks, and benefits Over the years things have clearly changed... working conditions, passenger behavior, grooming, and the entire travelling experience. I think this job is the last thing many flight attendants thought they would be doing thirty years later. Clearly many of them appear to often feel hostage to the job because of seniority, vesting, or they are clueless as to what else they would be doing. This has made many of them bitter and filled with TDC (thinly disguised contempt). Therefore, it appears many often want the customers to enjoy their unhappiness. Once again, the very dependency they opted for has made them hostage and therefore, weak, powerless, and unhappy.
Divorce Agreements - It is clear that couples who are unable to reach agreement in divorce settlements are often very unhappy and complaining when the final disillusion decision is made by the courts. The more the couple is dependent on the decisions of the judge, the more it creates anger and complaints. On the other hand, couples who take responsibility together to arrive at acceptable divorce settlements tend to accept the results and move on with their lives with less complaining and going back to court.
The Fabric of Society
As so many more people continue to adopt the ENTITLEMENT attitude where the "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY?" perspective becomes ubiquitous, I expect that more and more people will give up control over their lives to government, disability support, dipping into the public treasury, unions, welfare, entitlements, etc., which simply continues to insure their unhappiness/misery as a consequence of wanting to be dependent. As more people opt to be dependent, they want to be taken care of, and therefore, their initiative, self-respect, performance, and control over their lives evaporates. Thus the omnipresent dependency addiction simply sucks the life out of society.
Presently, according to a recent article, 48% of all families in the US today are dipping into the public treasury somehow. This means that approximately half of the population is opting to be dependent on the other half... all while complaining and whining. And, certainly the half that is paying is getting really tired of enabling the dependent people to remain dependent and whining.
So it seems that people with this dependency addiction have 3 options:
Continue as they are, expect to be dependent, avoid responsibility for their lives, and keep complaining / whining.
Continue the dependency behavior, except quit the complaining and whining. Simply accept the security and keep quiet.
Decide to take responsibility / control for their lives and future, act more independent, take more initiative, and be more proactive.
Abraham Lincoln said, "You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down. You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred. You cannot build character and courage by taking away people's initiative and independence. You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves."
It is time for us as a large group of citizens to grow up, establish more backbone, take responsibility for ourselves, appreciate what we have and quit demanding to be taken care of.
Further, if you remain dependent, then quit complaining about the very condition for which you opted.
Only when you take responsibility for your life, your behavior, your decisions, and your future can you develop some real solid self-respect. And, self-respect is critical if you want to like what you see in the mirror.
IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOUR STRENGTH OF CHARACTER!
IT'S COMMON SENSE!
And remember, Common Sense is very uncommon!
Strength of Character
Gaining competitive advantage by raising the bar
Strength of Character explores integrity, responsibility, and generosity of spirit in the business setting, driving a stake into the ground and defining the ethical standards by which business will need to be practiced in the coming decades. This CD explains how leaders and workers can set a new course towards character standards that we all can agree are compelling and necessary. The magic begins when individuals accept responsibility and start making ethical changes in themselves.
Strength of Character CD: $19.95
Strength of Character MP3: $16.95
NOTICE! Many of Dr. Perry's recordings are available on iTunes and Amazon.
TUNE-UP YOUR UNION WITH DR. MITCHELL PERRY ON THE COUPLES' CRUISE to MAJESTIC ALASKA!
Join this Couples' Cruise with renowned relationship expert
Dr. Mitchell Perry on the magnificent ship touring the beauty and magic of Alaska.
Enjoy his funny, lively, and informative sessions on relationships, love, and strengthening your union.
Whether you are:
going steady,
engaged,
married,
been together for many years,
or trying it one more time,
this cruise is perfect for you and your sweetheart.
This voyage with Dr. Perry is limited to 50 couples, and be sure to make reservations early as the first 5 couples to sign up will be able to attend an additional exclusive private workshop with Dr. Perry during the voyage.
This adventure is the perfect combination of experiencing:
The majesty of Alaska
Cruising aboard the beautiful Celebrity Cruise Ship - Infinity
How to tune-up your relationship with more love, fun, intimacy, commitment, and passion.
Every Couple attending will laugh, learn, and love the experience!
THE ULTIMATE VALENTINES GIFT FOR YOU AND YOUR LOVE
CALL SANTA BARBARA TRAVEL AT 805 650 6999.
Couples Camp
Couples Camp is a private, confidential way to look at your relationship with your partner. Listen to this 4-hour program along with your partner and you will learn how to improve it, restore the quality of it, maintain the quality of it, or fix what is broken. Whether you're married, in a committed relationship, or thinking about taking your current relationship to the next level, this 4-hour Couples Camp is for you.
Together we will ask and answer the following:
What is the foundation of our relationship?
What do we want from each other?
What kind of relationship do we have?
What is wrong in our relationship?
What is right with our relationship?
Couples Camp MP3 download only: $39.95
Dr. Perry on You Tube
The Magic is in the obvious... so, Embrace Common Sense!
As we all know, common sense is very uncommon! That is why we have put together some video vignettes that are sensible, prudent, practical, logical, and reflecting sound judgement.
There are now TEN video vignettes on several subjects including:
Responding to a Thank You
The Yeah Buts
The Success Formula
Taking Things Too Personally
Common Sense
Shoulding on Others
Reinforcement
Multiple Options
Thank You Notes
Announcing Your Honesty
We've had great response so far, with over 1800 views! There are many more to come, so please let us know what you think.
Log on to http://www.youtube.com/user/JMPerryLearning#p/u
If you want to DO WHAT YOU KNOW, you must equip yourself with the TOOLS to help you engage COMMON SENSE.
For You, Radio Worth Your Time!
"THE DR. MITCHELL PERRY SHOW"
Applied Common Sense*
*Because common sense is very uncommon... (and you CAN fix stupid!)
The Dr. Mitchell Perry Show: Applied Common Sense* Because common sense is very uncommon... airs Saturdays from 9:00 am - 11:00 am (Pacific) on KVTA AM1520. It is a little bit reasoning, a little bit education, a lot of laughs, and a whole lot of fun! Every Saturday morning Dr. Perry takes calls LIVE on his radio show on everything -- including relationships, business advice, personal growth, and the ever popular... "Common Sense is very Uncommon!"
He has a knack for saying it like it is without beating down his listeners. You can be sure that if there is an answer to your problem, Dr. Perry will help you figure it out. Listeners call in to get advice, discuss the day's events or simply to give their opinion on the latest topics.
The number to call the studio live is toll free
855- DR-PERRY (377-3779).
You can also listen to the show by logging on to http://www.kvta.com/ and then click on "LISTEN LIVE."
OUR NEW WEBSITE IS UP! There are a lot of new features, videos, audio recordings, podcasts of Dr. Perry's radio shows and a new shopping cart that makes it easy to purchase your favorite JM Perry products. Go to http://www.jmperry.com/ and check it out now!
JM Perry Learning
For more information about JM Perry Learning or JM Perry Products, go to http://www.jmperry.com/ or call 1 (855) DR PERRY.
Dr. Perry would love to speak to your organization! Call 1 (855) DR PERRY for details!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Hello Everyone!
When you ask others for help, they will likely say "yes," you will get the help and feel more connected. The paradox is that you prevent the very thing that works.
Ask for help!
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Engage the Power of Relationships
Human beings need contact, closeness, and affiliation. Connection is so important that solitary confinement is often used in prison as a means of punishment. People are generally happier when they feel close, connected, loved, and appreciated. And, the most common psychological disorder in people is depression. What is depression? Depression sets in when the gap is too wide between how one thinks life should be and how it is. And the biggest contributor to depression is loneliness, feeling rejected, alienated, disconnected, and separate from other people.
SO THE MESSAGE IS... GET CONNECTED!
Notice how often you can get more done with people helping. And, notice how often you want to ask someone for help, but are reluctant either because you are afraid you may be turned down, or you will be perceived as weak.
However, be reminded of the following axiom:
The first impulse most people have when OFFERED help is to say NO!
But, the first impulse most people have when asked for help is to say YES!
So, remember to engage the power of relationships by asking for help! To do that, you must change the association you may have between asking for help and appearing weak. Rather than associate WEAKNESS with the thought of asking for help, associate STRENGTH instead. Besides, if you do get help, and the resources you need, are you now weaker or actually stronger?
People like to feel important and asking for help or advice is a great way of making someone feel valued.
So, start a new behavior pattern... associate strength with asking for help. Then, start connecting with people and find strength in the power of the group Engage the power of relationships and replace the "you or me" with "you and me."
Dr. Perry on You Tube
The Magic is in the obvious... so, Embrace Common Sense!
As we all know, common sense is very uncommon! That is why I have put together some video vignettes that are sensible, prudent, practical, logical, and reflecting sound judgement.
So far, there are nine video vignettes on several subjects including:
The Yeah Buts
The Success Formula
Taking Things Too Personally
Common Sense
Shoulding on Others
Reinforcement
Multiple Options
Thank You Notes
Announcing Your Honesty
We've had great response so far, with over 900 views! There are many more to come, so please let us know what you think.
Log on to http://www.youtube.com/user/JMPerryLearning#p/u
If you want to DO WHAT YOU KNOW, you must equip yourself with the TOOLS to help you engage COMMON SENSE.
The Magic of Teamwork
The Secrets of Getting Individuals to Team.
STAR-D: The Secrets of Getting Individuals to Team
START
TRUST
ASK FOR HELP
REINFORCE
DIALOGUE - Open-Ended Questions, Multiple Options and Language Inclusion
This program has been market tested with thousands of teams around the world for over thirty years. It has a track record of accuracy, originality, and authenticity and has delivered consistent and proven results.
The Magic of Teamwork CD: $19.95
The Magic of Teamwork MP3: $16.95
NOTICE! Many of Dr. Perry's recordings are available on iTunes and Amazon.
"THE DR. MITCHELL PERRY SHOW"
Applied Common Sense*
*Because common sense is very uncommon... (and you CAN fix stupid!)
The Dr. Mitchell Perry Show: Applied Common Sense* Because common sense is very uncommon... airs Saturdays from 9:00 am - 11:00 am (Pacific) on KVTA AM1520. It is a little bit reasoning, a little bit education, a lot of laughs, and a whole lot of fun! Every Saturday morning Dr. Perry takes calls LIVE on his radio show on everything -- including relationships, business advice, personal growth, and the ever popular... "Common Sense is very Uncommon!"
He has a knack for saying it like it is without beating down his listeners. You can be sure that if there is an answer to your problem, Dr. Perry will help you figure it out. Listeners call in to get advice, discuss the day's events or simply to give their opinion on the latest topics.
The number to call the studio live is toll free
855- DR-PERRY (377-3779).
You can also listen to the show by logging on to http://www.kvta.com/ and then click on "LISTEN LIVE."
Cheers,
Dr. Mitchell Perry
JM Perry Learning
For more information about JM Perry Learning or JM Perry Products, go to http://www.jmperry.com/ or call 1 (855) DR PERRY.
Dr. Perry would love to speak to your organization! Call 1 (855) DR PERRY for details!
When you ask others for help, they will likely say "yes," you will get the help and feel more connected. The paradox is that you prevent the very thing that works.
Ask for help!
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Engage the Power of Relationships
Human beings need contact, closeness, and affiliation. Connection is so important that solitary confinement is often used in prison as a means of punishment. People are generally happier when they feel close, connected, loved, and appreciated. And, the most common psychological disorder in people is depression. What is depression? Depression sets in when the gap is too wide between how one thinks life should be and how it is. And the biggest contributor to depression is loneliness, feeling rejected, alienated, disconnected, and separate from other people.
SO THE MESSAGE IS... GET CONNECTED!
Notice how often you can get more done with people helping. And, notice how often you want to ask someone for help, but are reluctant either because you are afraid you may be turned down, or you will be perceived as weak.
However, be reminded of the following axiom:
The first impulse most people have when OFFERED help is to say NO!
But, the first impulse most people have when asked for help is to say YES!
So, remember to engage the power of relationships by asking for help! To do that, you must change the association you may have between asking for help and appearing weak. Rather than associate WEAKNESS with the thought of asking for help, associate STRENGTH instead. Besides, if you do get help, and the resources you need, are you now weaker or actually stronger?
People like to feel important and asking for help or advice is a great way of making someone feel valued.
So, start a new behavior pattern... associate strength with asking for help. Then, start connecting with people and find strength in the power of the group Engage the power of relationships and replace the "you or me" with "you and me."
Dr. Perry on You Tube
The Magic is in the obvious... so, Embrace Common Sense!
As we all know, common sense is very uncommon! That is why I have put together some video vignettes that are sensible, prudent, practical, logical, and reflecting sound judgement.
So far, there are nine video vignettes on several subjects including:
The Yeah Buts
The Success Formula
Taking Things Too Personally
Common Sense
Shoulding on Others
Reinforcement
Multiple Options
Thank You Notes
Announcing Your Honesty
We've had great response so far, with over 900 views! There are many more to come, so please let us know what you think.
Log on to http://www.youtube.com/user/JMPerryLearning#p/u
If you want to DO WHAT YOU KNOW, you must equip yourself with the TOOLS to help you engage COMMON SENSE.
The Magic of Teamwork
The Secrets of Getting Individuals to Team.
STAR-D: The Secrets of Getting Individuals to Team
START
TRUST
ASK FOR HELP
REINFORCE
DIALOGUE - Open-Ended Questions, Multiple Options and Language Inclusion
This program has been market tested with thousands of teams around the world for over thirty years. It has a track record of accuracy, originality, and authenticity and has delivered consistent and proven results.
The Magic of Teamwork CD: $19.95
The Magic of Teamwork MP3: $16.95
NOTICE! Many of Dr. Perry's recordings are available on iTunes and Amazon.
"THE DR. MITCHELL PERRY SHOW"
Applied Common Sense*
*Because common sense is very uncommon... (and you CAN fix stupid!)
The Dr. Mitchell Perry Show: Applied Common Sense* Because common sense is very uncommon... airs Saturdays from 9:00 am - 11:00 am (Pacific) on KVTA AM1520. It is a little bit reasoning, a little bit education, a lot of laughs, and a whole lot of fun! Every Saturday morning Dr. Perry takes calls LIVE on his radio show on everything -- including relationships, business advice, personal growth, and the ever popular... "Common Sense is very Uncommon!"
He has a knack for saying it like it is without beating down his listeners. You can be sure that if there is an answer to your problem, Dr. Perry will help you figure it out. Listeners call in to get advice, discuss the day's events or simply to give their opinion on the latest topics.
The number to call the studio live is toll free
855- DR-PERRY (377-3779).
You can also listen to the show by logging on to http://www.kvta.com/ and then click on "LISTEN LIVE."
Cheers,
Dr. Mitchell Perry
JM Perry Learning
For more information about JM Perry Learning or JM Perry Products, go to http://www.jmperry.com/ or call 1 (855) DR PERRY.
Dr. Perry would love to speak to your organization! Call 1 (855) DR PERRY for details!
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