Maximizing Performance Through Applied Common Sense*

When we get reinforcement from others, most of us routinely discount and invalidate the compliments. The paradox is that we prevent the very thing we want.
Dr. Mitchell Perry

ACCEPTING COMPLIMENTS YOUR SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY

Most of us continually have trouble accepting compliments. We often discount, side-step, minimize, or invalidate a reinforcing remark whenever we receive one.
 For example, someone says to you, "Gee, you handled that really well." And you will respond with something like, "I could have done better and, with my luck, I don't think it will turn out well." Notice how routinely this sounds like you:

•  "It really wasn't that good." 
• "It still had so many mistakes in it." 
• "I didn't prepare enough." 
• "I need to practice more." 
• "But I am still so fat." 
• "It's not at all what I wanted." 
• "Don't get excited; I am sure I will mess it up next time." 
• "It still needs so much more work." 
• "But there is so much more that needs to be done." 
• "There is so much still wrong with it." 
• "I could have done so much better." 
• "I was lucky... it was a fluke." 

This habit of yours is INSANE, ROUTINE, COMMONPLACE, AND VERY COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE!

There is a big difference between what you think you are doing and what is actually happening every time you discount or invalidate a compliment.

Remember: People will treat you the way you teach them to treat you!

Notice that every time you discount any compliment given to you, you are actually telling the other person they are wrong and disallowed to be impressed with you. Each of your self-discounts tells the sender that they have bad judgment.

They will then feel put-down and unhappy being told that they are wrong to have an inaccurate opinion of you. Consequently, they will quit giving you compliments or any reinforcing remarks.
Then you will say to yourself, "Does anybody like me or think I am any good?"

Now think to yourself...
"Ah ha! I may have to conclude that I AM ROUTINELY PREVENTING THE VERY THING I WANT! I am teaching people around me to feel bad and wrong about their being impressed with me, therefore, they will stop saying anything nice to me. I have proven my worst fear!"

You are insuring that you will be denied any compliments and reinforcement. You will remain emotionally malnourished. And, you did it to yourself! You unknowingly confirmed your worst fear that you are inadequate. You brilliantly and unconsciously achieved that famous self-fulfilling prophecy!

You have been so afraid of being insufficient and inadequate, you prevented anybody from thinking you are adequate. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? INSANE!

So what to do?

Consider the following three options on how you can receive compliments:

1. DISCOUNT - You already know how to do this. You may have been doing this most of your life because you believed that garbage you were taught in elementary school, you know, the ridiculous nonsense that said you were always supposed to be meek, mild, self-effacing, and modest all the time... that if you for a moment were to feel good about yourself, then you certainly were going to be considered: 
• Conceited 
• Arrogant 
• Egocentric 
• Full of yourself 
• Boastful 
• Pompous 
• And worst of all -- PROUD OF YOURSELF! 

You became so concerned about all the above that you erroneously concluded that if you accepted a compliment that you were now falling into the canyon of conceit! How insane is that? On top of that, over the years you likely started operating more from weakness and fear... which made you always hostage to how others thought of you. Their opinion / care / regard / approval of you often became so important that you lived in ongoing fear that they would disapprove and you would be forever inadequate... so you proved your fear. You disallowed them to feel good about you. You habitually discounted and invalidated their compliments and reinforcement. And, they quit telling you anything nice about you!

So, if you like, you can keep discounting compliments and stay right where you are -- staying in weakness, remaining emotionally malnourished, and proving your fear.  

• "Thanks so much; I appreciate that. Help me understand more specifically what you mean."
• "Thanks very much; tell me more about what specifically you liked." 
• "Thank you very much. I enjoyed doing it. What stood out the most about the presentation?" (They will tell you more and you can say, "Thanks very much" again.) 

 The surprising thing is that when you HARVEST, people will be very likely to give you more, they will be happy to do so and you get fed. Everyone wins!
People need to be fed... including you. Remember, everyone's biggest need that has to be met is to feel important. So if you like reinforcement, and nearly everyone does, LET PEOPLE BE PLEASED WITH YOU!

So: Decide to replace your DISCOUNT habit with a new habit -- ACCEPT.

Start by practicing saying, "Thank you" when you get a compliment. You will be telling them they are allowed to be impressed with you.

They will reinforce you more because you are teaching them that it is okay for them to do so. They will feel good about the process and so will you. They will feel important, and so will you.

Over time, you will get more comfortable with receiving compliments and perhaps even begin to believe you might deserve them!

And you will get fed.

It's common sense... and common sense is very uncommon!


Today's Tickle

Children Writing About the Ocean
 

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES... SUCH WORDS OF WISDOM.

• This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.  (Kelly, age 6)
• Oysters' balls are called pearls.  (Jerry, age 6)
• If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island.  If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)
• Sharks are ugly and mean and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson.  She's not my friend any more.  (Kylie, age 6)
• A dolphin breathes through a butthole on the top of its head.  (Billy, age 9)
• My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs.  (Millie, age 6)
• When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean.  Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come.  My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
• Mermaids live in the ocean.  I like mermaids.  They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?  (Helen, age 6)
• I'm not going to write about the ocean.  My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.  (Amy, age 6)
• Some fish are dangerous.  Jellyfish can sting.  Electric eels can give you a shock.  They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.  (Christopher, age 7)
• When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.  (Kevin, age 6)
• Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.  Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.  (Becky, age 8)
• On vacation my Mom went water skiing.  She fell off when she was going very fast.  She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.  (Julie, age 7)
• The ocean is made up of water and fish.  Why the fish don't drown I don't know.  (Bobby, age 6)
• My dad was a sailor on the ocean.  He knows all about the ocean.  What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.  (James, age 7)

Hello:

EXERCISE?
EMBRACE THE OBVIOUS!
Remember:  DOING IT RIGHT IS SECONDARY!
DOING IT IS PRIMARY.
It is easier to turn the boat to make course corrections and improvements after the boat is moving.

Dr. J. Mitchell Perry


NEED TO EXERCISE?
BRUSH YOUR TEETH!

Most people think it is important to regularly exercise. Clearly maintaining a habit of ongoing exercise reflects common sense.  And yet, most people exercise very little, they hate it, make excuses, rationalize they have too little time, and procrastinate.

While exercise appears to be important, it remains a low priority for most of us.

This is another brilliant example of the huge difference between what we KNOW and what we DO.

We KNOW it is important to regularly exercise... it's common sense --
We will live longer, be healthier, reach greater cardiovascular health, lose weight, increase flexibility, strengthen our immune system, have more muscle mass, sleep better, improve metabolism, increase bone density, reduce depression, look better, have an improved libido and sexual function, be more fit, reduce chronic pain, recover faster from disease, and have an improved outlook on life.

However, we generally refuse to DO it.
At the thought of exercising, most of us snatch a rationalization from the jaws of logic at a moment's notice: "I don't time.  I'm busy.  I'm tired. It takes too long. I will do it later. I lack the right equipment. I have to get someone to do it with me. I'm too old. I'm too fat.  I'm too stiff. I hate going to the gym.  I will do it after I lose some weight. My father never exercised and he lived to 92 years old. I hurt and I will start when I feel better, blah, blah, blah."

The obvious result is that we refuse to practice common sense and DO something that would clearly improve our health, longevity, outlook, and quality of life. 

INSANITY:  We refuse to DO what we KNOW!

So what is the deal?

If we KNOW exercise is an important habit to have, then how do we actually begin to DO IT? How do we make exercise a lasting habit?

GIVE IT A NEW STATUS!

Here is a wonderful and common senses way in which we can start exercising and make it a habit.

Think about how you start your day. Every morning you wake up, get yourself out of bed and perform your routine to pull yourself together for the day. Typically you likely engage in some form of the same morning regimen: Shower, shampoo, soap, shave, teeth, hair, make-up, clothing, grooming, details, and double checking the result in the mirror.  Oh my!

Now, think about brushing your teeth. 

Notice that teeth brushing is clearly a habit. You brush your teeth every day as you have been since you were a kid. 

How did that get to be such a non-negotiable habit? 

Well, when you were little, your parents likely made you do it, and enough time went by that it became a standard operating procedure. It became unthinkable to avoid brushing your teeth.

Actually since childhood, you have created a non-negotiable ongoing rule for yourself that says:  I EXIST, THEREFORE I BRUSH MY TEETH!

Now, ask yourself a few questions regarding teeth brushing:

1. Every morning when you wake up, do you ever think: Today I refuse to brush my teeth? NO!
2. Just before you start brushing your teeth, do you ever start obsessing and catastrophizing with the thought: I wonder if I am brushing my teeth long enough? NO!
3. In the middle of teeth brushing, do you ever start worrying about how well you are brushing them? NO!
4. As a matter of fact, is it much more likely that you rarely think about brushing your teeth... instead you simply brush them while you think about something else? YES!
5. Therefore your daily mission is simply to keep up with the habit of brushing your teeth every day!

I EXIST, THEREFORE I BRUSH MY TEETH! 
So, let's imagine that daily habitual exercise had the SAME STATUS AS BRUSHING YOUR TEETH... that it is decidedly less important about how well or long you exercise... instead it is MORE important to simply make regular exercise a non-negotiable habit!

What are your thoughts about CONNECTING EXERCISE IN THE SAME STATUS AS BRUSHING YOUR TEETH?

That makes common sense and remember that common sense is very uncommon!

Now make a decision that exercise is less about doing it right or doing it long enough. It is instead MORE about doing it at all! 

Furthermore, exercise is now less about exercise and now it is MORE about MOVING.

So make a commitment to do something every day that is MOVING. 

The daily time window is now to be a minimum of one-minute and a maximum of a couple of hours.

Here are options of what you can DO when it comes to MOVING:

1. Push-ups, abdominals, pull-ups, calisthenics
2. Stretches, yoga, weights, rowing, exercise machines while watching TV
3. Walking, jogging, running, jumping-rope, bicycling, spinning
4. Baseball, basketball, volleyball, racquetball, tennis, sports
5. Dancing (put on your favorite song and dance to it naked in the bathroom... oh my!)
6. Organize the closet, wax the car, walk the dog, clean the garage, mop the floor, mow the lawn
7. MOVE! Do something that either improves muscle function and/or gets your heart rate up
8. Now YOU come up with something... JUST MOVE!

Remember, the mission is to make it a habit, regardless of whether you have one minute or 60.

Do something! MOVE every day... for a minimum of 3 to 6 weeks. When you want to talk yourself out of it... do it anyway... just like you do when you brush your teeth.

Once some kind of MOVING becomes a habit you will notice that stopping the habit starts to become unthinkable.

REMEMBER DOING IT RIGHT IS SECONDARY.

DOING IT IS PRIMARY. 

You will get good at it after it becomes a regular habit.  

Just get going and your emotions will catch up.  

(Remember it is easier to turn the boat to make course corrections and improvements after the boat is moving.)

It's COMMON SENSE, AND COMMON SENSE IS VERY UNCOMMON!


TODAY'S TICKLE 

Oxymorons

An Oxymoron is defined as a phrase in which two words of opposite meanings are brought together.

Here are some clever oxymorons for your entertainment:

1. Clearly misunderstood
2. Exact estimate
3. Small crowd
4. Act naturally
5. Found missing
6. Fully empty
7. Pretty ugly
8. Seriously funny
9. Only choice
10. Original copies
11. Military intelligence
12. Tight slacks
13. Instant classic
14. Political science
15. Alone together
16. Awfully good
17. Cautiously optimistic
18. Cheerfully pessimistic
19. Civil war
20. Comfortable misery
21. Cool passion
22. Crash landing
23. Deceptively honest
24. Eloquent silence
25. Ill health
26. Freezer burn
27. Genuine imitation
28. Idiot savant
29. Intense apathy
30. Old news
31. Plastic glasses
32. Random order
33. Resident alien
34. True fiction
35. Unconscious awareness
36. Unbiased opinion
37. Wise fool
38. Terribly appreciative
39. "Thanks most awfully!"   


At your service,
 
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
JM Perry Learning

P.S.  Let me know how you are doing!

What would you rather do... take responsibility for yourself, complete with your spine and self-respect intact or become a certified weak and whining professional victim?


PROFESSIONAL VICTIMS

Many people unconsciously choose to play a victim role, and in so doing they enable many others to mistreat, criticize, take advantage, and be disrespectful. 

Remember, the only way that others can mistreat you is with consent... and victims consent all the time.  Most victims are volunteers. 

Typical behaviors of professional victims:

• Self-pity, feeling sorry for yourself, Poor me, Why me? It isn't fair
• Being sick often with hypochondria
• Being perpetually financially strapped or broke
• Continually the recipient of abuse
• Being a martyr and/or a masochist
• Being an over-accommodator and people pleaser
• Being lazy, a chronic failure and therefore unwilling to even try
• Staying addicted to drugs, alcohol, abusive people, bad situations, etc.
• Being a chronic crisis junkie, catastrophizer, and awfulizer
• Being an enabler of others to take advantage financially, emotionally, in relationships, etc.
• Medicating with food and therefore hiding behind obesity
• Being unwilling to take responsibility for your future
• Deciding to give up before you start, choosing defeat up front
• Hiding behind a that's just the way I am mantra
• Routinely saying, I'm unlucky, which suggests that luck has much to do with life's successes
• Hiding behind religion, particularly the kind that glorifies martyr behavior and giving up responsibility for yourself
• Staying in a bad marriage or relationship because you think predictable unhappiness is preferable to unpredictable happiness
• Hanging on to a job you hate, with the fear that you would prefer the illusion of security to happiness and success
• Continually limiting your options because you are consumed with fear
• Refusing to take responsibility for your life situation, thinking that someone else is responsible and owes you something
• Feeling entitled to be a victim and then complaining about it

To get better and get unstuck with the victim routine:

• Identify the victim behaviors in yourself
• Admit that you are behaving this way and you have been a volunteer for too long
• Decide that you are now done with choosing "the delicious agony of life" so you can have others feel sorry for you
• Get bothered enough that you are now convinced it is time to do something different
• Take responsibility for your life, your behaviors, your decisions, and your contributions to your situations
• Decide to clean up your mess
• Think about several options (three or more) that you could choose... multiple options reduces the threat of losing, resignation, failure, and surrender
• Get started in small steps on one or some of the options
• Learn to say NO, and let others disapprove or be unhappy
• Get on with your life
• Keep going anyway, even when you have setbacks
• Remember, life is about learning lessons, and lessons will be repeated until they are learned

TODAY'S TICKLE  

26 Truths for Older Adults

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still be clueless what time it is.

2. What sucks the most is that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I refused to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I forgot the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. It is unclear when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that being productive is out of the question for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I refuse to restart my collection... again.

13. It seems clearly reasonable that when I am lonely, I can solve that problem by ordering 2 large pizzas, 4 beers, and an ice cream chaser.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know to ignore them when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers.  I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday more kisses begin with cocktails than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still failed to hear, understand, or care about a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.  Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. As soon as you find something at the grocery store that you really like, they will either move it or the company will discontinue it. Indeed!

24.  The driving of all the other people on the road has become markedly worse in the past few years.

25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

26. Surveys say that 75% of citizens think that rudeness is a real problem in this country. It is also clear that 99% percent of us think everyone else is rude. If only THEY would change, everything would be fine.

Life just gets better as you get older...YES?

At your service,
 
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
JM Perry Learning

The cooperation conundrum:
Among the most insane habits we humans
practice is to prevent the very thing we want
and disallow the very thing that works.  

Dr. J. Mitchell Perry


ASKING FOR HELP

As a species, we are a very curious bunch of characters. So often, rather than practice common sense, we prefer to routinely practice insanity... and, what is insanity? Insanity is: continuing the same counter-productive habit, with the same bad outcome, with the illusion that if we keep doing that habit, we will receive a different outcome.

Among the two most insane habits people practice in the United States are:

     1.  We spend more than we have.
and
     2.  We eat more than we need.
          (More than 2/3 of us are financially and
          physically obese.) 
          Then we wonder why we are so broke and so
          unhealthy!

Here is another insane habit we so often practice around the world... failing to ASK FOR HELP.

This is one of the most powerful and effective habits that humans generally avoid.

The paradox is that we often prevent the very thing that works - ASKING FOR HELP. 

To get started, here are some remarkably universal truths:
Universal Truth #1:  When offered help, most people will likely answer "No."

Imagine yourself offering someone help:
You offer help to your teenager in doing homework
You offer help to your spouse to solve a computer issue
You offer help to a co-worker who appears to need it
You offer help to a family member to solve a personal problem
What happens?  Almost always their response is a resounding "NO."

At this point, you are often quite perplexed.  You think:
My intentions are good
I can really help here
I can solve it right away
My advice is quite good
This seems insane!  What's going on?
Universal Truth #2:  When asked for help, people will generally answer "Yes."

Think about it.  
If I ask you for help, are you likely to say yes?  Answer - YES.  Why?  Because if I ask you for help it helps you feel important and the single biggest need that people have to be met (beyond survival) is to feel important.
If I ask you for help, you say yes; and you give me the help, then do I have more resources at this point or fewer resources?  Answer - MORE.
If I ask you for help, you say yes; you give me the help; I now have more resources; then am I less powerful or more powerful?  Answer - MORE POWERFUL.
Therefore, if I ask you for help:
You will very likely say yes;
You give me the help;
I now have more resources;
I now become more powerful;
Then that is a GOOD thing, yes?
That is common sense, yes?
YES!!!
What is it that would make so many people refuse to ask for help and reject the above logical common sense?  What is the deal with so many people having so much difficulty asking for help? 

Answer:  Because of the ASSOCIATION that most of us have in our minds with the idea of asking for help.  Remember that whenever you associate with something you will likely be bound by the association regardless of how true or ridiculous that association is.  

And, what is the most common ASSOCIATION that people connect with asking for help?

That ASKING FOR HELP means that you will be considered WEAK!  And, because it is unthinkable to be weak, you must avoid asking for help.

PRIDE IS VERY EXPENSIVE!

So, is that association actually true?  Think about it.  

Here are some very important questions I recommend you ask yourself:
Have you ever done a research survey to determine that if you ask others for help, they will actually think you are weak?
Are you aware of research in the literature that has conclusively determined that when you have an impulse to ask others for help, you must override and stop the impulse because there is statistically significant data that proves people will think you are weak?
In my professional history, the answers to both questions are a resounding NO!  

So on what do you want to rely?

     1.  The insane life-long association of asking for 
          help means you are weak?
Or
      2.  Asking for help is very effective, and reeks of
           Common Sense! 

I imagine that when you think about it, the Common Sense solution #2 is the way to go.  

So, how do you get started with making a habit of ASKING FOR HELP?

     1.  CHANGE YOUR STATE OF MIND and CHOOSE 
          THE COMMON SENSE SOLUTION.  
    When you ask for help, deliberately switch the
    association in your mind from WEAKNESS to
    STRENGTH.

Decide that now it is common sense to ask for help because you now believe the fact that asking for help is a good thing.  Remember, if you ask others for help:
They will very likely say yes;
They will give you the help;
You now have more resources;
You now become more powerful.
2.  START ASKING FOR HELP - PRACTICE!  GET 
     INTO THE HABIT.  What you rehearse, you will
     duplicate.  

Use any of the following for practice:  
"Help me understand."
"I wonder if you can help me?"
"I need your advice."
"What are your thoughts?"
With enough practice you will find out it gets easier.  Moreover, you will notice that you can ask anyone for help... including your children, clients, co-workers, family, neighbors, and service providers.  Try on any of the above openers, and you will find people quite flexible and helpful.  

Asking for help works wonders.
People will say "yes";
People will help;
Your relationships become more flexible;
You solve issues together;
Everyone contributes;
You replace pushback and rigidity (You or Me)    with teaming and responsiveness (You and Me).  
So, I need your help here... WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? 


TODAY'S TICKLE 

Real sports comments for your entertainment:


1. Former Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobiof the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"... Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6.  Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.." (Now that is beautiful.)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8.  Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew  Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I  wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January.)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former  player: "I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.''

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas  A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious." 





At your service,
 
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
JM Perry Learning

P.S.  Let me know how you are doing!

I often think about life in general and mine in particular when it seems that I am experiencing increasing opportunities presented to me that say "Would you like a senior discount?"

It is certainly true that life seems to be going by faster, and I can only say... "Who authorized that?"

So here are some musings for your consideration and for you to pause and re-evaluate the business of living:

COMMON SENSE: it is very important to periodically remind yourself of the obvious that might be right in front of your face.  Life is messy and there is always a gap between how life should be and how life is, therefore, concentrate on the cheese and quit whining about the holes.  
And, remember that common sense is very uncommon.

LIFE: Life is really all about two things and two things only:
1.    Touching the lives of others
2.    Getting your life touched.
All the rest is noise.  And, it is more than coincidental that the more you reach out and touch the lives of others, your life gets touched in return.

 HAPPINESS: The closest distance between two people is the warmth of closeness, affection, forgiveness, respect, and humor... and that is where happiness resides.

FAMILY: Remember to love what you can love in another and then let the rest go. What you focus on expands.  Life is too short to keep describing the problem. It is often by far more productive to solve the problem. Then spend some more time touching the lives of others.That is where and when you feel full, and with love in your heart.

COMPLIMENTS: Remember that every time you discount or invalidate any compliment given to you, you are telling the other person they are wrong and they are disallowed to be impressed with you. Eventually, they will finally quit giving you any compliments or reinforcing remarks.Then, you will say to yourself... "does anybody like me or think I am any good?"
Now think... Ah ha!... you might start concluding you are routinely preventing the very thing you want!
So, let people be impressed with you and simply say "THANK YOU"... which will encourage them to compliment you more. People need to be fed, including you. Allow people to reinforce you, and spend more time reinforcing them.
Catch someone doing something right then tell them about it! You are at a very low risk of reinforcing others too much.
 

Dr. Mitchell Perry


PS: Below are some more very enlightened perspectives about  life's lessons. In fact, many of the perspectives below are statements gathered from dozens of different people (aged 5 to 95),many of which were collected in the 1995 book, Live and Learn and Pass It On, Volume II.








   
ENLIGHTENED PERSPECTIVES 

For your consideration:

I've learned... that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned... that when you're in love, and you find your smile, it shows.

I've learned... that regardless of how much you ignore the facts, the facts still remain the facts.

I've learned... that for you to be a fully functioning grown-up, you must take responsibility for your thoughts, decisions, and conduct. 

I've learned... that it often a good idea to say, "I was wrong, I hurt you, I'm sorry, and please forgive me." Then, go clean up your mess without further delay.

I've learned... that life is often about learning lessons... and lessons will be repeated until they are learned. Only when we hold ourselves accountable are we likely to learn those necessary lessons. 

I've learned... that just one person saying to me, "You've made my day," makes my day.

I've learned... that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I have learned... that the words Mom and Dad are the sweetest words in the English language. Remember they did the best they knew how at the time.

I've learned... that being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned... that to give is so much more rewarding than to receive.

I've learned... that it is routinely a good idea to say yes to a gift from a child.

I've learned... that I can always pray for someone when I lack the strength to help him or her in some other way.

I've learned... that regardless of how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend with whom to have fun and act goofy.

I've learned... that sometimes all a sick person needs is to have the hand held by a loved one sitting by the sickbed.

I've learned... that sending a thank you note, a congratulations note, a condolence note, or a love note, is perhaps the best thing you can do.

I've learned... that simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned... that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
            
I've learned... that having loved and lost is better than missed having loved at all.

I've learned... that loves lost can turn into powerful life's lessons and life-long true friendships.

I've learned... that money is often unable to buy class.
           
I've learned... that class is unrelated to gender, race, religion, or wealth.

I've learned... that under everyone's hard shell is someone who is often scared and hurt and wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned... that when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned... that love, instead of time, heals all wounds.

I've learned... that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. A bit of warmth goes a long way to touch their lives.

I've learned... that life is tough, and I'm tougher.

I have learned... that after having suffered a great injustice, my best revenge is to strive for success again.

I've learned... that opportunities are rarely lost; someone will likely take the ones you miss.

I've learned... that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned... that I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.

I've learned... that it is a good idea to keep your words both soft and tender, because tomorrow you may have to eat them.

I've learned... that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned... that when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in their little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned... that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, yet all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned... that the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

I've learned... that when life is yucky, the world always seems to look better after a shower and clean underpants.   

I've learned... that life is like a camera. Focus on what's important. Capture the good times.  Develop from the negatives and if things turn out poorly... take another shot. 



Today's Tickle
             
 Disorder in the Courts

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ...in court, word for word, taken down and Published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
_______________________________ 
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
____________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
____________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
WITNESS: July 18th. 
ATTORNEY: What year? 
WITNESS: Every year. 
_____________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
_________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 

At your service,
 
Dr. Mitchell Perry
JM Perry Learning

P.S.  Let me know how you are doing!

EMBRACE COMMON SENSE... and Common Sense is very uncommon!

      
Dr. Mitchell Perry


"COMMON SENSE"

Notice how often you hear people say...

"That's just common sense... everyone knows that!"

And, that's true, most everyone does know that!

IT'S OBVIOUS!

However, much of the time, the difficult challenge is to recognize the common sense right in front of you.

When you think of any dilemma you have, you might notice that more than half the time, the MAGIC IS IN THE OBVIOUS. The solutions, the answers, the next steps, the options to proceed, are right in front of your face... IT'S OBVIOUS!

However, sometimes you are simply just too close to it and your emotions create filters and amplifiers that cloud out the obvious and reality. It is as if you ask yourself, "Where are my glasses?" and then you realize they are right on your nose.

-       YOUR MONEY - If you are concerned about your financial situation, you may want to realize the OBVIOUS, that perhaps you are spending more than you make. It's time to spend less.

-       YOUR HEALTH - If you have high blood pressure, Type-2 diabetes, hypertension, ache a lot, feel unattractive, are gasping for breath at the top of stairs, and are medicating with food... you may want to realize the OBVIOUS, that your being overweight is compromising your health, longevity, and well-being. Perhaps it is time to finally lose weight and keep it off.

-       YOUR SELF-PITY - If you notice that you spend most of your time complaining, whining, feeling self-pity, and playing victim... then you may want to realize the OBVIOUS, that you are spending too much time describing your problem rather than solving it. Perhaps it is time to start taking responsibility for yourself, your life, your choices, and your behavior and start SOLVING it.

-       YOUR CHILDISHNESS - If you notice that you are always blaming everyone else for your situation, then you may want to realize the OBVIOUS and start owning the cards that are dealt and look in the mirror. Perhaps it is time to take your future in your hands.

-       YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE - If your business is doing poorly, and customers are failing to come back, then you may want to realize the OBVIOUS and take a look at your relationship with your customers. Your customers will come back if their expectations are met and/or exceeded. Perhaps it is time to find out what your customers want, and then give it to them. Ask them regularly how you are doing and when you get advice, listen to it and change your behavior.

-       YOUR MARRIAGE - If your marriage is filled with indifference, criticism and/or contempt, you may want to realize the OBVIOUS and start spending more time and initiative on mutually nourishing and supporting each other. Perhaps it is time to spend more time reinforcing each other and demonstrating the courtship behavior you did in the beginning. You married the courtship behavior; therefore it is insane to stop the very behavior you married.

REMEMBER THE MAGIC IS IN THE OBVIOUS...

AND THE OBVIOUS IS OFTEN COMMON SENSE.

And, COMMON SENSE IS VERY UNCOMMON.

So take ANOTHER look at the obvious, and you might be surprised at what has been there the whole time right in front of you.

The paradox is: the OBVIOUS is OBVIOUS to everyone else but us! Somehow, we too often ignore Common Sense because it is so hard to see when our emotions and behavior get in the way. It is so hard to see what is right in front of our face. Here are some examples of the obvious:

- If it is common sense to be fit by eating healthy and regularly exercising, why are 2/3 of all Americans so overweight?

- If it is common sense to know that regularly reinforcing and supporting others will result in improved performance in business, then why do so many supervisors only deliver criticism or silence when it comes to giving feedback?

- If it is common sense to treat others with respect, why are so many people rude, critical, contemptuous, and indifferent?

- If it is common sense to take responsibility for our conduct and decisions, why are so many people playing victim, feeling entitled, and blaming everyone else for their failures?

- If it is common sense for people to collaborate, compromise, share, and reach agreement in order to get along, why do so many people simply ignore the obvious, and instead fight and remain adversarial with each other?

- If it is common sense that great customer service will motivate customers to come back and remain loyal, why is it that customer service resembles anything but "service" most of the time?

- If it is common sense to provide empathy, caring, support, and warmth in helping people to recover from sickness, why is it that so many people in health care have flunked the "care" part of health care?                                              

- If it is common sense that we know to be successful in life, perhaps the two most important habits that we must practice to be effective are:   
Getting along well with people (relationship skills)
Managing money, (financial literacy)      
Then why is it that most people have so many failed relationships (at home and work) and are financially dysfunctional?

- If it is common sense to say "thank you" upon receiving a compliment, then why do most people discount and invalidate every compliments they receive?

- If it is common sense to treat your spouse with support, respect, regard, affection and love (the courtship behavior), they why is it that so many marital partners replace those habits with so much indifference, defensiveness, and contempt for each other?

Because... COMMON SENSE IS VERY UNCOMMON!

COMMON SENSE is... WHAT WE KNOW.
It is sensible, prudent, practical, logical, empirical, and reflects sound judgment.

What we know is INSIDE us: it is internally grounded, it reflects self-respect, trusting our judgment, and calm resolve. Common Sense is strategic, long-term, broad-based, functional, responsible, and often very moral.

IN OUR MOMENTS OF CLARITY, IT IS WHAT WE KNOW IN OUR GUT!

SO NOW... IMAGINE THAT YOU PUT YOUR COMMON SENSE IN YOUR DOMINANT HAND. Now imagine your common sense (what you know) is always available to you in your dominant hand... it is what you know and it is right there in front of you.

Clearly, some of our ongoing behavior reflects Common Sense... when we do behave that way, life is generally good, and we feel more strength, resolve, calm, and self-respect.

However, some of our behavior is void of common sense, and when we abandon the obvious, we are practicing INSANITY!

INSANITY IS TOO OFTEN... WHAT WE DO:

Doing the same thing over and over;                    
resulting in the same poor outcome;                      
with the illusion that if we keep doing it that way; 
we will achieve a different outcome.

Too often what we DO is a function of familiarity and habit. What we DO is subject to peer pressure; it is too often influenced by others outside us... it is shortsighted, short-term oriented, subject to the approval of others, dependent on fear and doubt, and reflects a reaction to our irrational emotions at the time.

INSANITY occurs when we need to snatch a rationalization from the jaws of logic at a moment's notice in order to justify our ill-conceived actions!

Take a look at these familiar remarks that reflect INSANITY:

"We've always done it that way... if only they would change, then everything would be fine... they are the problem. I give them the answers and tell them what to do, and all they do is pushback."

"Of course I nag my husband... he really dislikes it, but that is the only way I can get his attention! Besides I am not nagging, I am helping!"

"I would pay more attention to you if you would quit nagging at me!"

"I would quit nagging at you if you would pay more attention to me!"

"It seems clearly reasonable that when I am lonely, I can solve that problem by ordering 2 large pizzas, 4 beers, and an ice cream chaser."

"Yes, I have carried this grudge for a long time, but they started it and they have to apologize first."

"I hate my job, and I am sick of being so dependent on it, but I will never get another job like this, so I just put in the time and wait for it to be over."

"I haven't figured out what I want to do so I guess I will just do this in the meantime."

"I worry all the time and feel afraid a lot, and I have to do that so I can be prepared for any bad thing that might happen along the way."

"I am not bossy, it's just that I know more about what everyone else should be doing!"

"I have always been shy and a worrier, I can't help it... I don't like it either... but that's just the way I am!"

"Our business would be much more successful if it just wasn't for those damn customers!"

"Of course I am suspicious of others, because when you have had my experience, you will learn that all people are out to screw you!"

"There aren't any good men out there... and any good ones are already taken!"

"I can't find a job... there are none out there... I am too overqualified / old / fat / undereducated / and they discriminate against me, so what's the point of trying?"

"I always avoid dancing because I don't dance well and everyone will be looking at me and think I am a loser."

"If you can't do it right, don't do it at all."

"I am a perfectionist, and have high standards, and when it isn't right, I go nuts and it really bugs me!"

"This isn't a good time to deal with this. I know I have been avoiding this, but I will start to deal with this when I feel better and I'm ready."

"We are working in the best interests of the American people, and it's just those misguided people on the other side of the aisle who won't budge. They are the problem"

Remember that your Common Sense is in your dominant hand. And, put your Insanity in the other hand. You now have a very important choice to make. Will you practice Insanity or will you choose COMMON SENSE?

DECIDE TO CHOOSE COMMON SENSE AND DO WHAT YOU KNOW! Bring your insanity (the dark side) over to Common Sense. Do what you know!

When you think of doing what you already know... you will likely make better choices routinely. You will be more proactive, happy, self-respecting, and operating from strength. You already know common sense... it is simply now a conscious decision to choose to embrace the obvious and practice it.

SUMMARY

THE OBVIOUS... think about it. And think about how you live your life. The magic, the answers, the solutions, the prescriptions, and the deliverables are all in the OBVIOUS; it's all right in front of your face.
And the paradox is... the obvious is obvious to everyone but you.

WHY IS THAT? Because you are too close to it, your emotions are involved, and your emotions create filters and amplifiers which often prevent you from seeing what's right in front of your face.

AXIOM:

EMBRACE THE OBVIOUS
Recognize and embrace what's right in front of your face.
It's COMMON SENSE... And, Common Sense is very uncommon!

COMMON SENSE is WHAT YOU KNOW: sensible, prudent, obvious, logical, practical, empirical, and reflecting sound judgment. "Anyone would know that!"

It's common sense to put into practice what you know, and remember common sense is very uncommon.

INSANITY is too often WHAT YOU DO

Doing the same bad habit with the same poor results with the illusion that if you keep doing it that way, you will receive a different outcome.

The key is to connect WHAT YOU DO (your behavior) with WHAT YOU KNOW (Common Sense).

And Common Sense is very uncommon!


Today's Tickle

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not using it in a fruit salad. 
             
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
 
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal

And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door.

Hello:

The more you "should" on yourself, the more you pushback on your own advice. 
      
Dr. Mitchell Perry


"SHOULDING on YOURSELF and OTHERS"

Have you ever noticed how often people will talk to us about a problem, and we begin to tell them what they "should" do about it? Even after hearing our sage advice, irrespective of how practical, logical, and sensible it might be, they dig in their heels and resist what you claim they "should" do.

We also do this to ourselves. Have you noticed yourself saying, "I should do this" or "I really should avoid doing that," and then you steadfastly resist whatever it is you're telling yourself to do? Have you ever noticed how miserable people feel whenever they compulsively keep doing whatever it is they think they "should" do, rather than what they want to do?  It seems there are so many things they should do, say, think, feel, quit, start, etc., that they seldom get around to enjoying anything.

If all of this sounds familiar, you are an unknowing participant in the "should bind."  What you may have failed to consider is that whenever you encounter a "should," you have immediately created an obstacle to any progress or success.  A "should" is a put-down, designed to point out how stupid the person is who receives it.

Suppose you have a friend who is overweight and out of shape.  For a long time, you have been watching your friend overeat without exercising.  You are now concerned about his physical condition because these eating habits are jeopardizing his good health and longevity.  So, you say, with admirable intentions:  "John, you should lose weight.  You should diet and exercise because you know your current weight is unhealthy for you."  Notice how your friend handles these remarks!  He appears affronted and upset and simply refuses to heed them regardless of their validity.  Why?  What you have really told him is that he is stupid - if he was smart, he would have already lost the weight!  The "should" was, in reality, a put-down that resulted in a typical resistant stance.

You "Should" on yourself too!  You may notice too that whenever you tell yourself you should diet and exercise, you are reluctant to do what you "should" do.  List all of your own "shoulds."  They may be overwhelmingly abundant and sound something like this: 
 
I should lose weight.  I should stop smoking.  I should exercise. I should spend more time with my kids.  I should finish my degree.  I should call my mother.  I should be more patient.  I should listen.  I shouldn't feel guilty.  I shouldn't worry. I shouldn't take things so personally.

Perhaps your list appears endless.  Notice whenever you should on yourself out loud, you begin to feel badly, defensive, resentful and resistant?  There is a complete absence of motivation.

Sometimes, as parents, we tell our children what they "should" and "shouldn't" do, feel and behave.  Though our intentions are honorable and we have the utmost concern for their welfare, we become confused when often our children meet our advice with resistance.  Why is that?  In actuality, we have put them down rather than helped them out.  For instance, suppose your daughter is too frightened to swim and you say:  You shouldn't feel afraid.  You have really told your child that her feelings are stupid and invalid.  She will still feel afraid but now she also feels inferior and stupid because her fear has been undermined. 

More closely examined, the "shoulds" are purely guilt producers.  The feeling generated by any "should" remark is initially guilt but this is quickly turned to resentment then resistance.  I have seldom known anyone who really liked being dealt "shoulds" on a regular basis.

An even more self-defeating "should" is placed in the past tense, namely, "I should have done this," or "You should have remembered..."  To constantly berate yourself over what you should or shouldn't have done is unbelievably destructive.  Why?  Because it is impossible to alter the past!  It has already happened and is past the point of change.  To continually beat yourself up about it is reactive and destructive.  Progress and improvement are impossible leaving room only for guilt and self-hate. 

What is a solution to "Shoulding" on yourself and others? 

I heartily encourage you delete all "shoulds" from your vocabulary and substitute them with "mights" and "wants."  Remember that the first thing people will do when they feel forced is resist.  The "shoulds" are a form of force.  People resist vehemently.  Removing the "shoulds" from your dialogue will provide less force, thereby resulting in less unnecessary resistance.  There are three ways to rephrase the overused "should" in your daily conversations.  Each has a different level of intensity.  They are:
     "You might... "
     "I urge / encourage / suggest / recommend you consider... "
     "I want you to... "   
Notice if you say to your overweight friend, "John, you might want to lose weight," "I would encourage you to consider losing weight," or "I want you to lose weight."  He will feel much less resistant to your suggestion and more motivated to start losing weight because essentially he still has the option to refuse your advice without losing face or feeling stupid.  You, of course, select one of the three options depending on your style, the closeness of the relationship, and the desired level of impact.

In addition, removing ourselves from the tyranny of the "shoulding" on ourselves by substituting the "wants" and "mights" is a beneficial change.  If you say to yourself, "I should lose weight," it is likely you will feel badly that you have yet to do it.  On the other hand, if you say, "I want to lose weight," it is more likely you will diet because your resistance is down, and your levels of guilt and bad feelings are diminished.

Remember, ultimately you are only going to do what you want to do.  You will be impressed with how much more you can get done with less resistance when you concentrate on changing those "shoulds" to "wants."  I encourage you to take your list of "shoulds" and change them to "wants."  Then read them aloud and notice how you feel different immediately!

In summary, the "shoulds" create resistance, when either self-imposed, or levied on others.  Wipe out all the "shoulds" and consider the "mights" when speaking with others, and use the "wants" when speaking to yourself.  You will be quite surprised with the positive results. 

I encourage you to take a look at my 3-minute video on "The Shoulds."  Click here: http://jmperry.com/videos.html then forward this to many in your network!





Today's Tickle

Let's face it... English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One blouse, 2 blice? First, second, third, fourth or oneth, twoth, threeth, fourth? One index, 2 indices? One kleenex, 2 kleenexes?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park in the driveway and drive in the parkway? 

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'