Thursday, April 30, 2015
The cooperation conundrum:
Among the most insane habits we humans
practice is to prevent the very thing we want
and disallow the very thing that works.
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
ASKING FOR HELP
As a species, we are a very curious bunch of characters. So often, rather than practice common sense, we prefer to routinely practice insanity... and, what is insanity? Insanity is: continuing the same counter-productive habit, with the same bad outcome, with the illusion that if we keep doing that habit, we will receive a different outcome.
Among the two most insane habits people practice in the United States are:
1. We spend more than we have.
and
2. We eat more than we need.
(More than 2/3 of us are financially and
physically obese.)
Then we wonder why we are so broke and so
unhealthy!
Here is another insane habit we so often practice around the world... failing to ASK FOR HELP.
This is one of the most powerful and effective habits that humans generally avoid.
The paradox is that we often prevent the very thing that works - ASKING FOR HELP.
To get started, here are some remarkably universal truths:
Universal Truth #1: When offered help, most people will likely answer "No."
Imagine yourself offering someone help:
You offer help to your teenager in doing homework
You offer help to your spouse to solve a computer issue
You offer help to a co-worker who appears to need it
You offer help to a family member to solve a personal problem
What happens? Almost always their response is a resounding "NO."
At this point, you are often quite perplexed. You think:
My intentions are good
I can really help here
I can solve it right away
My advice is quite good
This seems insane! What's going on?
Universal Truth #2: When asked for help, people will generally answer "Yes."
Think about it.
If I ask you for help, are you likely to say yes? Answer - YES. Why? Because if I ask you for help it helps you feel important and the single biggest need that people have to be met (beyond survival) is to feel important.
If I ask you for help, you say yes; and you give me the help, then do I have more resources at this point or fewer resources? Answer - MORE.
If I ask you for help, you say yes; you give me the help; I now have more resources; then am I less powerful or more powerful? Answer - MORE POWERFUL.
Therefore, if I ask you for help:
You will very likely say yes;
You give me the help;
I now have more resources;
I now become more powerful;
Then that is a GOOD thing, yes?
That is common sense, yes?
YES!!!
What is it that would make so many people refuse to ask for help and reject the above logical common sense? What is the deal with so many people having so much difficulty asking for help?
Answer: Because of the ASSOCIATION that most of us have in our minds with the idea of asking for help. Remember that whenever you associate with something you will likely be bound by the association regardless of how true or ridiculous that association is.
And, what is the most common ASSOCIATION that people connect with asking for help?
That ASKING FOR HELP means that you will be considered WEAK! And, because it is unthinkable to be weak, you must avoid asking for help.
PRIDE IS VERY EXPENSIVE!
So, is that association actually true? Think about it.
Here are some very important questions I recommend you ask yourself:
Have you ever done a research survey to determine that if you ask others for help, they will actually think you are weak?
Are you aware of research in the literature that has conclusively determined that when you have an impulse to ask others for help, you must override and stop the impulse because there is statistically significant data that proves people will think you are weak?
In my professional history, the answers to both questions are a resounding NO!
So on what do you want to rely?
1. The insane life-long association of asking for
help means you are weak?
Or
2. Asking for help is very effective, and reeks of
Common Sense!
I imagine that when you think about it, the Common Sense solution #2 is the way to go.
So, how do you get started with making a habit of ASKING FOR HELP?
1. CHANGE YOUR STATE OF MIND and CHOOSE
THE COMMON SENSE SOLUTION.
When you ask for help, deliberately switch the
association in your mind from WEAKNESS to
STRENGTH.
Decide that now it is common sense to ask for help because you now believe the fact that asking for help is a good thing. Remember, if you ask others for help:
They will very likely say yes;
They will give you the help;
You now have more resources;
You now become more powerful.
2. START ASKING FOR HELP - PRACTICE! GET
INTO THE HABIT. What you rehearse, you will
duplicate.
Use any of the following for practice:
"Help me understand."
"I wonder if you can help me?"
"I need your advice."
"What are your thoughts?"
With enough practice you will find out it gets easier. Moreover, you will notice that you can ask anyone for help... including your children, clients, co-workers, family, neighbors, and service providers. Try on any of the above openers, and you will find people quite flexible and helpful.
Asking for help works wonders.
People will say "yes";
People will help;
Your relationships become more flexible;
You solve issues together;
Everyone contributes;
You replace pushback and rigidity (You or Me) with teaming and responsiveness (You and Me).
So, I need your help here... WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?
TODAY'S TICKLE
Real sports comments for your entertainment:
1. Former Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobiof the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"... Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."
5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.." (Now that is beautiful.)
7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."
8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."
11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January.)
12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.''
13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."
At your service,
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
JM Perry Learning
P.S. Let me know how you are doing!
Among the most insane habits we humans
practice is to prevent the very thing we want
and disallow the very thing that works.
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
ASKING FOR HELP
As a species, we are a very curious bunch of characters. So often, rather than practice common sense, we prefer to routinely practice insanity... and, what is insanity? Insanity is: continuing the same counter-productive habit, with the same bad outcome, with the illusion that if we keep doing that habit, we will receive a different outcome.
Among the two most insane habits people practice in the United States are:
1. We spend more than we have.
and
2. We eat more than we need.
(More than 2/3 of us are financially and
physically obese.)
Then we wonder why we are so broke and so
unhealthy!
Here is another insane habit we so often practice around the world... failing to ASK FOR HELP.
This is one of the most powerful and effective habits that humans generally avoid.
The paradox is that we often prevent the very thing that works - ASKING FOR HELP.
To get started, here are some remarkably universal truths:
Universal Truth #1: When offered help, most people will likely answer "No."
Imagine yourself offering someone help:
You offer help to your teenager in doing homework
You offer help to your spouse to solve a computer issue
You offer help to a co-worker who appears to need it
You offer help to a family member to solve a personal problem
What happens? Almost always their response is a resounding "NO."
At this point, you are often quite perplexed. You think:
My intentions are good
I can really help here
I can solve it right away
My advice is quite good
This seems insane! What's going on?
Universal Truth #2: When asked for help, people will generally answer "Yes."
Think about it.
If I ask you for help, are you likely to say yes? Answer - YES. Why? Because if I ask you for help it helps you feel important and the single biggest need that people have to be met (beyond survival) is to feel important.
If I ask you for help, you say yes; and you give me the help, then do I have more resources at this point or fewer resources? Answer - MORE.
If I ask you for help, you say yes; you give me the help; I now have more resources; then am I less powerful or more powerful? Answer - MORE POWERFUL.
Therefore, if I ask you for help:
You will very likely say yes;
You give me the help;
I now have more resources;
I now become more powerful;
Then that is a GOOD thing, yes?
That is common sense, yes?
YES!!!
What is it that would make so many people refuse to ask for help and reject the above logical common sense? What is the deal with so many people having so much difficulty asking for help?
Answer: Because of the ASSOCIATION that most of us have in our minds with the idea of asking for help. Remember that whenever you associate with something you will likely be bound by the association regardless of how true or ridiculous that association is.
And, what is the most common ASSOCIATION that people connect with asking for help?
That ASKING FOR HELP means that you will be considered WEAK! And, because it is unthinkable to be weak, you must avoid asking for help.
PRIDE IS VERY EXPENSIVE!
So, is that association actually true? Think about it.
Here are some very important questions I recommend you ask yourself:
Have you ever done a research survey to determine that if you ask others for help, they will actually think you are weak?
Are you aware of research in the literature that has conclusively determined that when you have an impulse to ask others for help, you must override and stop the impulse because there is statistically significant data that proves people will think you are weak?
In my professional history, the answers to both questions are a resounding NO!
So on what do you want to rely?
1. The insane life-long association of asking for
help means you are weak?
Or
2. Asking for help is very effective, and reeks of
Common Sense!
I imagine that when you think about it, the Common Sense solution #2 is the way to go.
So, how do you get started with making a habit of ASKING FOR HELP?
1. CHANGE YOUR STATE OF MIND and CHOOSE
THE COMMON SENSE SOLUTION.
When you ask for help, deliberately switch the
association in your mind from WEAKNESS to
STRENGTH.
Decide that now it is common sense to ask for help because you now believe the fact that asking for help is a good thing. Remember, if you ask others for help:
They will very likely say yes;
They will give you the help;
You now have more resources;
You now become more powerful.
2. START ASKING FOR HELP - PRACTICE! GET
INTO THE HABIT. What you rehearse, you will
duplicate.
Use any of the following for practice:
"Help me understand."
"I wonder if you can help me?"
"I need your advice."
"What are your thoughts?"
With enough practice you will find out it gets easier. Moreover, you will notice that you can ask anyone for help... including your children, clients, co-workers, family, neighbors, and service providers. Try on any of the above openers, and you will find people quite flexible and helpful.
Asking for help works wonders.
People will say "yes";
People will help;
Your relationships become more flexible;
You solve issues together;
Everyone contributes;
You replace pushback and rigidity (You or Me) with teaming and responsiveness (You and Me).
So, I need your help here... WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?
TODAY'S TICKLE
Real sports comments for your entertainment:
1. Former Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobiof the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"... Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."
5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.." (Now that is beautiful.)
7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."
8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."
11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January.)
12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.''
13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."
At your service,
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
JM Perry Learning
P.S. Let me know how you are doing!
Friday, March 13, 2015
I often think about life in general and mine in particular when it seems that I am experiencing increasing opportunities presented to me that say "Would you like a senior discount?"
It is certainly true that life seems to be going by faster, and I can only say... "Who authorized that?"
So here are some musings for your consideration and for you to pause and re-evaluate the business of living:
COMMON SENSE: it is very important to periodically remind yourself of the obvious that might be right in front of your face. Life is messy and there is always a gap between how life should be and how life is, therefore, concentrate on the cheese and quit whining about the holes.
And, remember that common sense is very uncommon.
LIFE: Life is really all about two things and two things only:
1. Touching the lives of others
2. Getting your life touched.
All the rest is noise. And, it is more than coincidental that the more you reach out and touch the lives of others, your life gets touched in return.
HAPPINESS: The closest distance between two people is the warmth of closeness, affection, forgiveness, respect, and humor... and that is where happiness resides.
FAMILY: Remember to love what you can love in another and then let the rest go. What you focus on expands. Life is too short to keep describing the problem. It is often by far more productive to solve the problem. Then spend some more time touching the lives of others.That is where and when you feel full, and with love in your heart.
COMPLIMENTS: Remember that every time you discount or invalidate any compliment given to you, you are telling the other person they are wrong and they are disallowed to be impressed with you. Eventually, they will finally quit giving you any compliments or reinforcing remarks.Then, you will say to yourself... "does anybody like me or think I am any good?"
Now think... Ah ha!... you might start concluding you are routinely preventing the very thing you want!
So, let people be impressed with you and simply say "THANK YOU"... which will encourage them to compliment you more. People need to be fed, including you. Allow people to reinforce you, and spend more time reinforcing them.
Catch someone doing something right then tell them about it! You are at a very low risk of reinforcing others too much.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
PS: Below are some more very enlightened perspectives about life's lessons. In fact, many of the perspectives below are statements gathered from dozens of different people (aged 5 to 95),many of which were collected in the 1995 book, Live and Learn and Pass It On, Volume II.
ENLIGHTENED PERSPECTIVES
For your consideration:
I've learned... that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned... that when you're in love, and you find your smile, it shows.
I've learned... that regardless of how much you ignore the facts, the facts still remain the facts.
I've learned... that for you to be a fully functioning grown-up, you must take responsibility for your thoughts, decisions, and conduct.
I've learned... that it often a good idea to say, "I was wrong, I hurt you, I'm sorry, and please forgive me." Then, go clean up your mess without further delay.
I've learned... that life is often about learning lessons... and lessons will be repeated until they are learned. Only when we hold ourselves accountable are we likely to learn those necessary lessons.
I've learned... that just one person saying to me, "You've made my day," makes my day.
I've learned... that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I have learned... that the words Mom and Dad are the sweetest words in the English language. Remember they did the best they knew how at the time.
I've learned... that being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned... that to give is so much more rewarding than to receive.
I've learned... that it is routinely a good idea to say yes to a gift from a child.
I've learned... that I can always pray for someone when I lack the strength to help him or her in some other way.
I've learned... that regardless of how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend with whom to have fun and act goofy.
I've learned... that sometimes all a sick person needs is to have the hand held by a loved one sitting by the sickbed.
I've learned... that sending a thank you note, a congratulations note, a condolence note, or a love note, is perhaps the best thing you can do.
I've learned... that simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned... that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned... that having loved and lost is better than missed having loved at all.
I've learned... that loves lost can turn into powerful life's lessons and life-long true friendships.
I've learned... that money is often unable to buy class.
I've learned... that class is unrelated to gender, race, religion, or wealth.
I've learned... that under everyone's hard shell is someone who is often scared and hurt and wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned... that when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned... that love, instead of time, heals all wounds.
I've learned... that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. A bit of warmth goes a long way to touch their lives.
I've learned... that life is tough, and I'm tougher.
I have learned... that after having suffered a great injustice, my best revenge is to strive for success again.
I've learned... that opportunities are rarely lost; someone will likely take the ones you miss.
I've learned... that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned... that I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.
I've learned... that it is a good idea to keep your words both soft and tender, because tomorrow you may have to eat them.
I've learned... that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned... that when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in their little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned... that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, yet all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned... that the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
I've learned... that when life is yucky, the world always seems to look better after a shower and clean underpants.
I've learned... that life is like a camera. Focus on what's important. Capture the good times. Develop from the negatives and if things turn out poorly... take another shot.
Today's Tickle
Disorder in the Courts
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ...in court, word for word, taken down and Published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
At your service,
Dr. Mitchell Perry
JM Perry Learning
P.S. Let me know how you are doing!
It is certainly true that life seems to be going by faster, and I can only say... "Who authorized that?"
So here are some musings for your consideration and for you to pause and re-evaluate the business of living:
COMMON SENSE: it is very important to periodically remind yourself of the obvious that might be right in front of your face. Life is messy and there is always a gap between how life should be and how life is, therefore, concentrate on the cheese and quit whining about the holes.
And, remember that common sense is very uncommon.
LIFE: Life is really all about two things and two things only:
1. Touching the lives of others
2. Getting your life touched.
All the rest is noise. And, it is more than coincidental that the more you reach out and touch the lives of others, your life gets touched in return.
HAPPINESS: The closest distance between two people is the warmth of closeness, affection, forgiveness, respect, and humor... and that is where happiness resides.
FAMILY: Remember to love what you can love in another and then let the rest go. What you focus on expands. Life is too short to keep describing the problem. It is often by far more productive to solve the problem. Then spend some more time touching the lives of others.That is where and when you feel full, and with love in your heart.
COMPLIMENTS: Remember that every time you discount or invalidate any compliment given to you, you are telling the other person they are wrong and they are disallowed to be impressed with you. Eventually, they will finally quit giving you any compliments or reinforcing remarks.Then, you will say to yourself... "does anybody like me or think I am any good?"
Now think... Ah ha!... you might start concluding you are routinely preventing the very thing you want!
So, let people be impressed with you and simply say "THANK YOU"... which will encourage them to compliment you more. People need to be fed, including you. Allow people to reinforce you, and spend more time reinforcing them.
Catch someone doing something right then tell them about it! You are at a very low risk of reinforcing others too much.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
PS: Below are some more very enlightened perspectives about life's lessons. In fact, many of the perspectives below are statements gathered from dozens of different people (aged 5 to 95),many of which were collected in the 1995 book, Live and Learn and Pass It On, Volume II.
ENLIGHTENED PERSPECTIVES
For your consideration:
I've learned... that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned... that when you're in love, and you find your smile, it shows.
I've learned... that regardless of how much you ignore the facts, the facts still remain the facts.
I've learned... that for you to be a fully functioning grown-up, you must take responsibility for your thoughts, decisions, and conduct.
I've learned... that it often a good idea to say, "I was wrong, I hurt you, I'm sorry, and please forgive me." Then, go clean up your mess without further delay.
I've learned... that life is often about learning lessons... and lessons will be repeated until they are learned. Only when we hold ourselves accountable are we likely to learn those necessary lessons.
I've learned... that just one person saying to me, "You've made my day," makes my day.
I've learned... that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I have learned... that the words Mom and Dad are the sweetest words in the English language. Remember they did the best they knew how at the time.
I've learned... that being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned... that to give is so much more rewarding than to receive.
I've learned... that it is routinely a good idea to say yes to a gift from a child.
I've learned... that I can always pray for someone when I lack the strength to help him or her in some other way.
I've learned... that regardless of how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend with whom to have fun and act goofy.
I've learned... that sometimes all a sick person needs is to have the hand held by a loved one sitting by the sickbed.
I've learned... that sending a thank you note, a congratulations note, a condolence note, or a love note, is perhaps the best thing you can do.
I've learned... that simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned... that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned... that having loved and lost is better than missed having loved at all.
I've learned... that loves lost can turn into powerful life's lessons and life-long true friendships.
I've learned... that money is often unable to buy class.
I've learned... that class is unrelated to gender, race, religion, or wealth.
I've learned... that under everyone's hard shell is someone who is often scared and hurt and wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned... that when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned... that love, instead of time, heals all wounds.
I've learned... that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. A bit of warmth goes a long way to touch their lives.
I've learned... that life is tough, and I'm tougher.
I have learned... that after having suffered a great injustice, my best revenge is to strive for success again.
I've learned... that opportunities are rarely lost; someone will likely take the ones you miss.
I've learned... that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned... that I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.
I've learned... that it is a good idea to keep your words both soft and tender, because tomorrow you may have to eat them.
I've learned... that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned... that when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in their little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned... that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, yet all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned... that the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
I've learned... that when life is yucky, the world always seems to look better after a shower and clean underpants.
I've learned... that life is like a camera. Focus on what's important. Capture the good times. Develop from the negatives and if things turn out poorly... take another shot.
Today's Tickle
Disorder in the Courts
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ...in court, word for word, taken down and Published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
At your service,
Dr. Mitchell Perry
JM Perry Learning
P.S. Let me know how you are doing!
Monday, January 26, 2015
EMBRACE COMMON SENSE... and Common Sense is very uncommon!
Dr. Mitchell Perry
"COMMON SENSE"
Notice how often you hear people say...
"That's just common sense... everyone knows that!"
And, that's true, most everyone does know that!
IT'S OBVIOUS!
However, much of the time, the difficult challenge is to recognize the common sense right in front of you.
When you think of any dilemma you have, you might notice that more than half the time, the MAGIC IS IN THE OBVIOUS. The solutions, the answers, the next steps, the options to proceed, are right in front of your face... IT'S OBVIOUS!
However, sometimes you are simply just too close to it and your emotions create filters and amplifiers that cloud out the obvious and reality. It is as if you ask yourself, "Where are my glasses?" and then you realize they are right on your nose.
- YOUR MONEY - If you are concerned about your financial situation, you may want to realize the OBVIOUS, that perhaps you are spending more than you make. It's time to spend less.
- YOUR HEALTH - If you have high blood pressure, Type-2 diabetes, hypertension, ache a lot, feel unattractive, are gasping for breath at the top of stairs, and are medicating with food... you may want to realize the OBVIOUS, that your being overweight is compromising your health, longevity, and well-being. Perhaps it is time to finally lose weight and keep it off.
- YOUR SELF-PITY - If you notice that you spend most of your time complaining, whining, feeling self-pity, and playing victim... then you may want to realize the OBVIOUS, that you are spending too much time describing your problem rather than solving it. Perhaps it is time to start taking responsibility for yourself, your life, your choices, and your behavior and start SOLVING it.
- YOUR CHILDISHNESS - If you notice that you are always blaming everyone else for your situation, then you may want to realize the OBVIOUS and start owning the cards that are dealt and look in the mirror. Perhaps it is time to take your future in your hands.
- YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE - If your business is doing poorly, and customers are failing to come back, then you may want to realize the OBVIOUS and take a look at your relationship with your customers. Your customers will come back if their expectations are met and/or exceeded. Perhaps it is time to find out what your customers want, and then give it to them. Ask them regularly how you are doing and when you get advice, listen to it and change your behavior.
- YOUR MARRIAGE - If your marriage is filled with indifference, criticism and/or contempt, you may want to realize the OBVIOUS and start spending more time and initiative on mutually nourishing and supporting each other. Perhaps it is time to spend more time reinforcing each other and demonstrating the courtship behavior you did in the beginning. You married the courtship behavior; therefore it is insane to stop the very behavior you married.
REMEMBER THE MAGIC IS IN THE OBVIOUS...
AND THE OBVIOUS IS OFTEN COMMON SENSE.
And, COMMON SENSE IS VERY UNCOMMON.
So take ANOTHER look at the obvious, and you might be surprised at what has been there the whole time right in front of you.
The paradox is: the OBVIOUS is OBVIOUS to everyone else but us! Somehow, we too often ignore Common Sense because it is so hard to see when our emotions and behavior get in the way. It is so hard to see what is right in front of our face. Here are some examples of the obvious:
- If it is common sense to be fit by eating healthy and regularly exercising, why are 2/3 of all Americans so overweight?
- If it is common sense to know that regularly reinforcing and supporting others will result in improved performance in business, then why do so many supervisors only deliver criticism or silence when it comes to giving feedback?
- If it is common sense to treat others with respect, why are so many people rude, critical, contemptuous, and indifferent?
- If it is common sense to take responsibility for our conduct and decisions, why are so many people playing victim, feeling entitled, and blaming everyone else for their failures?
- If it is common sense for people to collaborate, compromise, share, and reach agreement in order to get along, why do so many people simply ignore the obvious, and instead fight and remain adversarial with each other?
- If it is common sense that great customer service will motivate customers to come back and remain loyal, why is it that customer service resembles anything but "service" most of the time?
- If it is common sense to provide empathy, caring, support, and warmth in helping people to recover from sickness, why is it that so many people in health care have flunked the "care" part of health care?
- If it is common sense that we know to be successful in life, perhaps the two most important habits that we must practice to be effective are:
Getting along well with people (relationship skills)
Managing money, (financial literacy)
Then why is it that most people have so many failed relationships (at home and work) and are financially dysfunctional?
- If it is common sense to say "thank you" upon receiving a compliment, then why do most people discount and invalidate every compliments they receive?
- If it is common sense to treat your spouse with support, respect, regard, affection and love (the courtship behavior), they why is it that so many marital partners replace those habits with so much indifference, defensiveness, and contempt for each other?
Because... COMMON SENSE IS VERY UNCOMMON!
COMMON SENSE is... WHAT WE KNOW.
It is sensible, prudent, practical, logical, empirical, and reflects sound judgment.
What we know is INSIDE us: it is internally grounded, it reflects self-respect, trusting our judgment, and calm resolve. Common Sense is strategic, long-term, broad-based, functional, responsible, and often very moral.
IN OUR MOMENTS OF CLARITY, IT IS WHAT WE KNOW IN OUR GUT!
SO NOW... IMAGINE THAT YOU PUT YOUR COMMON SENSE IN YOUR DOMINANT HAND. Now imagine your common sense (what you know) is always available to you in your dominant hand... it is what you know and it is right there in front of you.
Clearly, some of our ongoing behavior reflects Common Sense... when we do behave that way, life is generally good, and we feel more strength, resolve, calm, and self-respect.
However, some of our behavior is void of common sense, and when we abandon the obvious, we are practicing INSANITY!
INSANITY IS TOO OFTEN... WHAT WE DO:
Doing the same thing over and over;
resulting in the same poor outcome;
with the illusion that if we keep doing it that way;
we will achieve a different outcome.
Too often what we DO is a function of familiarity and habit. What we DO is subject to peer pressure; it is too often influenced by others outside us... it is shortsighted, short-term oriented, subject to the approval of others, dependent on fear and doubt, and reflects a reaction to our irrational emotions at the time.
INSANITY occurs when we need to snatch a rationalization from the jaws of logic at a moment's notice in order to justify our ill-conceived actions!
Take a look at these familiar remarks that reflect INSANITY:
"We've always done it that way... if only they would change, then everything would be fine... they are the problem. I give them the answers and tell them what to do, and all they do is pushback."
"Of course I nag my husband... he really dislikes it, but that is the only way I can get his attention! Besides I am not nagging, I am helping!"
"I would pay more attention to you if you would quit nagging at me!"
"I would quit nagging at you if you would pay more attention to me!"
"It seems clearly reasonable that when I am lonely, I can solve that problem by ordering 2 large pizzas, 4 beers, and an ice cream chaser."
"Yes, I have carried this grudge for a long time, but they started it and they have to apologize first."
"I hate my job, and I am sick of being so dependent on it, but I will never get another job like this, so I just put in the time and wait for it to be over."
"I haven't figured out what I want to do so I guess I will just do this in the meantime."
"I worry all the time and feel afraid a lot, and I have to do that so I can be prepared for any bad thing that might happen along the way."
"I am not bossy, it's just that I know more about what everyone else should be doing!"
"I have always been shy and a worrier, I can't help it... I don't like it either... but that's just the way I am!"
"Our business would be much more successful if it just wasn't for those damn customers!"
"Of course I am suspicious of others, because when you have had my experience, you will learn that all people are out to screw you!"
"There aren't any good men out there... and any good ones are already taken!"
"I can't find a job... there are none out there... I am too overqualified / old / fat / undereducated / and they discriminate against me, so what's the point of trying?"
"I always avoid dancing because I don't dance well and everyone will be looking at me and think I am a loser."
"If you can't do it right, don't do it at all."
"I am a perfectionist, and have high standards, and when it isn't right, I go nuts and it really bugs me!"
"This isn't a good time to deal with this. I know I have been avoiding this, but I will start to deal with this when I feel better and I'm ready."
"We are working in the best interests of the American people, and it's just those misguided people on the other side of the aisle who won't budge. They are the problem"
Remember that your Common Sense is in your dominant hand. And, put your Insanity in the other hand. You now have a very important choice to make. Will you practice Insanity or will you choose COMMON SENSE?
DECIDE TO CHOOSE COMMON SENSE AND DO WHAT YOU KNOW! Bring your insanity (the dark side) over to Common Sense. Do what you know!
When you think of doing what you already know... you will likely make better choices routinely. You will be more proactive, happy, self-respecting, and operating from strength. You already know common sense... it is simply now a conscious decision to choose to embrace the obvious and practice it.
SUMMARY
THE OBVIOUS... think about it. And think about how you live your life. The magic, the answers, the solutions, the prescriptions, and the deliverables are all in the OBVIOUS; it's all right in front of your face.
And the paradox is... the obvious is obvious to everyone but you.
WHY IS THAT? Because you are too close to it, your emotions are involved, and your emotions create filters and amplifiers which often prevent you from seeing what's right in front of your face.
AXIOM:
EMBRACE THE OBVIOUS
Recognize and embrace what's right in front of your face.
It's COMMON SENSE... And, Common Sense is very uncommon!
COMMON SENSE is WHAT YOU KNOW: sensible, prudent, obvious, logical, practical, empirical, and reflecting sound judgment. "Anyone would know that!"
It's common sense to put into practice what you know, and remember common sense is very uncommon.
INSANITY is too often WHAT YOU DO
Doing the same bad habit with the same poor results with the illusion that if you keep doing it that way, you will receive a different outcome.
The key is to connect WHAT YOU DO (your behavior) with WHAT YOU KNOW (Common Sense).
And Common Sense is very uncommon!
Today's Tickle
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not using it in a fruit salad.
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
"COMMON SENSE"
Notice how often you hear people say...
"That's just common sense... everyone knows that!"
And, that's true, most everyone does know that!
IT'S OBVIOUS!
However, much of the time, the difficult challenge is to recognize the common sense right in front of you.
When you think of any dilemma you have, you might notice that more than half the time, the MAGIC IS IN THE OBVIOUS. The solutions, the answers, the next steps, the options to proceed, are right in front of your face... IT'S OBVIOUS!
However, sometimes you are simply just too close to it and your emotions create filters and amplifiers that cloud out the obvious and reality. It is as if you ask yourself, "Where are my glasses?" and then you realize they are right on your nose.
- YOUR MONEY - If you are concerned about your financial situation, you may want to realize the OBVIOUS, that perhaps you are spending more than you make. It's time to spend less.
- YOUR HEALTH - If you have high blood pressure, Type-2 diabetes, hypertension, ache a lot, feel unattractive, are gasping for breath at the top of stairs, and are medicating with food... you may want to realize the OBVIOUS, that your being overweight is compromising your health, longevity, and well-being. Perhaps it is time to finally lose weight and keep it off.
- YOUR SELF-PITY - If you notice that you spend most of your time complaining, whining, feeling self-pity, and playing victim... then you may want to realize the OBVIOUS, that you are spending too much time describing your problem rather than solving it. Perhaps it is time to start taking responsibility for yourself, your life, your choices, and your behavior and start SOLVING it.
- YOUR CHILDISHNESS - If you notice that you are always blaming everyone else for your situation, then you may want to realize the OBVIOUS and start owning the cards that are dealt and look in the mirror. Perhaps it is time to take your future in your hands.
- YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE - If your business is doing poorly, and customers are failing to come back, then you may want to realize the OBVIOUS and take a look at your relationship with your customers. Your customers will come back if their expectations are met and/or exceeded. Perhaps it is time to find out what your customers want, and then give it to them. Ask them regularly how you are doing and when you get advice, listen to it and change your behavior.
- YOUR MARRIAGE - If your marriage is filled with indifference, criticism and/or contempt, you may want to realize the OBVIOUS and start spending more time and initiative on mutually nourishing and supporting each other. Perhaps it is time to spend more time reinforcing each other and demonstrating the courtship behavior you did in the beginning. You married the courtship behavior; therefore it is insane to stop the very behavior you married.
REMEMBER THE MAGIC IS IN THE OBVIOUS...
AND THE OBVIOUS IS OFTEN COMMON SENSE.
And, COMMON SENSE IS VERY UNCOMMON.
So take ANOTHER look at the obvious, and you might be surprised at what has been there the whole time right in front of you.
The paradox is: the OBVIOUS is OBVIOUS to everyone else but us! Somehow, we too often ignore Common Sense because it is so hard to see when our emotions and behavior get in the way. It is so hard to see what is right in front of our face. Here are some examples of the obvious:
- If it is common sense to be fit by eating healthy and regularly exercising, why are 2/3 of all Americans so overweight?
- If it is common sense to know that regularly reinforcing and supporting others will result in improved performance in business, then why do so many supervisors only deliver criticism or silence when it comes to giving feedback?
- If it is common sense to treat others with respect, why are so many people rude, critical, contemptuous, and indifferent?
- If it is common sense to take responsibility for our conduct and decisions, why are so many people playing victim, feeling entitled, and blaming everyone else for their failures?
- If it is common sense for people to collaborate, compromise, share, and reach agreement in order to get along, why do so many people simply ignore the obvious, and instead fight and remain adversarial with each other?
- If it is common sense that great customer service will motivate customers to come back and remain loyal, why is it that customer service resembles anything but "service" most of the time?
- If it is common sense to provide empathy, caring, support, and warmth in helping people to recover from sickness, why is it that so many people in health care have flunked the "care" part of health care?
- If it is common sense that we know to be successful in life, perhaps the two most important habits that we must practice to be effective are:
Getting along well with people (relationship skills)
Managing money, (financial literacy)
Then why is it that most people have so many failed relationships (at home and work) and are financially dysfunctional?
- If it is common sense to say "thank you" upon receiving a compliment, then why do most people discount and invalidate every compliments they receive?
- If it is common sense to treat your spouse with support, respect, regard, affection and love (the courtship behavior), they why is it that so many marital partners replace those habits with so much indifference, defensiveness, and contempt for each other?
Because... COMMON SENSE IS VERY UNCOMMON!
COMMON SENSE is... WHAT WE KNOW.
It is sensible, prudent, practical, logical, empirical, and reflects sound judgment.
What we know is INSIDE us: it is internally grounded, it reflects self-respect, trusting our judgment, and calm resolve. Common Sense is strategic, long-term, broad-based, functional, responsible, and often very moral.
IN OUR MOMENTS OF CLARITY, IT IS WHAT WE KNOW IN OUR GUT!
SO NOW... IMAGINE THAT YOU PUT YOUR COMMON SENSE IN YOUR DOMINANT HAND. Now imagine your common sense (what you know) is always available to you in your dominant hand... it is what you know and it is right there in front of you.
Clearly, some of our ongoing behavior reflects Common Sense... when we do behave that way, life is generally good, and we feel more strength, resolve, calm, and self-respect.
However, some of our behavior is void of common sense, and when we abandon the obvious, we are practicing INSANITY!
INSANITY IS TOO OFTEN... WHAT WE DO:
Doing the same thing over and over;
resulting in the same poor outcome;
with the illusion that if we keep doing it that way;
we will achieve a different outcome.
Too often what we DO is a function of familiarity and habit. What we DO is subject to peer pressure; it is too often influenced by others outside us... it is shortsighted, short-term oriented, subject to the approval of others, dependent on fear and doubt, and reflects a reaction to our irrational emotions at the time.
INSANITY occurs when we need to snatch a rationalization from the jaws of logic at a moment's notice in order to justify our ill-conceived actions!
Take a look at these familiar remarks that reflect INSANITY:
"We've always done it that way... if only they would change, then everything would be fine... they are the problem. I give them the answers and tell them what to do, and all they do is pushback."
"Of course I nag my husband... he really dislikes it, but that is the only way I can get his attention! Besides I am not nagging, I am helping!"
"I would pay more attention to you if you would quit nagging at me!"
"I would quit nagging at you if you would pay more attention to me!"
"It seems clearly reasonable that when I am lonely, I can solve that problem by ordering 2 large pizzas, 4 beers, and an ice cream chaser."
"Yes, I have carried this grudge for a long time, but they started it and they have to apologize first."
"I hate my job, and I am sick of being so dependent on it, but I will never get another job like this, so I just put in the time and wait for it to be over."
"I haven't figured out what I want to do so I guess I will just do this in the meantime."
"I worry all the time and feel afraid a lot, and I have to do that so I can be prepared for any bad thing that might happen along the way."
"I am not bossy, it's just that I know more about what everyone else should be doing!"
"I have always been shy and a worrier, I can't help it... I don't like it either... but that's just the way I am!"
"Our business would be much more successful if it just wasn't for those damn customers!"
"Of course I am suspicious of others, because when you have had my experience, you will learn that all people are out to screw you!"
"There aren't any good men out there... and any good ones are already taken!"
"I can't find a job... there are none out there... I am too overqualified / old / fat / undereducated / and they discriminate against me, so what's the point of trying?"
"I always avoid dancing because I don't dance well and everyone will be looking at me and think I am a loser."
"If you can't do it right, don't do it at all."
"I am a perfectionist, and have high standards, and when it isn't right, I go nuts and it really bugs me!"
"This isn't a good time to deal with this. I know I have been avoiding this, but I will start to deal with this when I feel better and I'm ready."
"We are working in the best interests of the American people, and it's just those misguided people on the other side of the aisle who won't budge. They are the problem"
Remember that your Common Sense is in your dominant hand. And, put your Insanity in the other hand. You now have a very important choice to make. Will you practice Insanity or will you choose COMMON SENSE?
DECIDE TO CHOOSE COMMON SENSE AND DO WHAT YOU KNOW! Bring your insanity (the dark side) over to Common Sense. Do what you know!
When you think of doing what you already know... you will likely make better choices routinely. You will be more proactive, happy, self-respecting, and operating from strength. You already know common sense... it is simply now a conscious decision to choose to embrace the obvious and practice it.
SUMMARY
THE OBVIOUS... think about it. And think about how you live your life. The magic, the answers, the solutions, the prescriptions, and the deliverables are all in the OBVIOUS; it's all right in front of your face.
And the paradox is... the obvious is obvious to everyone but you.
WHY IS THAT? Because you are too close to it, your emotions are involved, and your emotions create filters and amplifiers which often prevent you from seeing what's right in front of your face.
AXIOM:
EMBRACE THE OBVIOUS
Recognize and embrace what's right in front of your face.
It's COMMON SENSE... And, Common Sense is very uncommon!
COMMON SENSE is WHAT YOU KNOW: sensible, prudent, obvious, logical, practical, empirical, and reflecting sound judgment. "Anyone would know that!"
It's common sense to put into practice what you know, and remember common sense is very uncommon.
INSANITY is too often WHAT YOU DO
Doing the same bad habit with the same poor results with the illusion that if you keep doing it that way, you will receive a different outcome.
The key is to connect WHAT YOU DO (your behavior) with WHAT YOU KNOW (Common Sense).
And Common Sense is very uncommon!
Today's Tickle
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not using it in a fruit salad.
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Hello:
The more you "should" on yourself, the more you pushback on your own advice.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
"SHOULDING on YOURSELF and OTHERS"
Have you ever noticed how often people will talk to us about a problem, and we begin to tell them what they "should" do about it? Even after hearing our sage advice, irrespective of how practical, logical, and sensible it might be, they dig in their heels and resist what you claim they "should" do.
We also do this to ourselves. Have you noticed yourself saying, "I should do this" or "I really should avoid doing that," and then you steadfastly resist whatever it is you're telling yourself to do? Have you ever noticed how miserable people feel whenever they compulsively keep doing whatever it is they think they "should" do, rather than what they want to do? It seems there are so many things they should do, say, think, feel, quit, start, etc., that they seldom get around to enjoying anything.
If all of this sounds familiar, you are an unknowing participant in the "should bind." What you may have failed to consider is that whenever you encounter a "should," you have immediately created an obstacle to any progress or success. A "should" is a put-down, designed to point out how stupid the person is who receives it.
Suppose you have a friend who is overweight and out of shape. For a long time, you have been watching your friend overeat without exercising. You are now concerned about his physical condition because these eating habits are jeopardizing his good health and longevity. So, you say, with admirable intentions: "John, you should lose weight. You should diet and exercise because you know your current weight is unhealthy for you." Notice how your friend handles these remarks! He appears affronted and upset and simply refuses to heed them regardless of their validity. Why? What you have really told him is that he is stupid - if he was smart, he would have already lost the weight! The "should" was, in reality, a put-down that resulted in a typical resistant stance.
You "Should" on yourself too! You may notice too that whenever you tell yourself you should diet and exercise, you are reluctant to do what you "should" do. List all of your own "shoulds." They may be overwhelmingly abundant and sound something like this:
I should lose weight. I should stop smoking. I should exercise. I should spend more time with my kids. I should finish my degree. I should call my mother. I should be more patient. I should listen. I shouldn't feel guilty. I shouldn't worry. I shouldn't take things so personally.
Perhaps your list appears endless. Notice whenever you should on yourself out loud, you begin to feel badly, defensive, resentful and resistant? There is a complete absence of motivation.
Sometimes, as parents, we tell our children what they "should" and "shouldn't" do, feel and behave. Though our intentions are honorable and we have the utmost concern for their welfare, we become confused when often our children meet our advice with resistance. Why is that? In actuality, we have put them down rather than helped them out. For instance, suppose your daughter is too frightened to swim and you say: You shouldn't feel afraid. You have really told your child that her feelings are stupid and invalid. She will still feel afraid but now she also feels inferior and stupid because her fear has been undermined.
More closely examined, the "shoulds" are purely guilt producers. The feeling generated by any "should" remark is initially guilt but this is quickly turned to resentment then resistance. I have seldom known anyone who really liked being dealt "shoulds" on a regular basis.
An even more self-defeating "should" is placed in the past tense, namely, "I should have done this," or "You should have remembered..." To constantly berate yourself over what you should or shouldn't have done is unbelievably destructive. Why? Because it is impossible to alter the past! It has already happened and is past the point of change. To continually beat yourself up about it is reactive and destructive. Progress and improvement are impossible leaving room only for guilt and self-hate.
What is a solution to "Shoulding" on yourself and others?
I heartily encourage you delete all "shoulds" from your vocabulary and substitute them with "mights" and "wants." Remember that the first thing people will do when they feel forced is resist. The "shoulds" are a form of force. People resist vehemently. Removing the "shoulds" from your dialogue will provide less force, thereby resulting in less unnecessary resistance. There are three ways to rephrase the overused "should" in your daily conversations. Each has a different level of intensity. They are:
"You might... "
"I urge / encourage / suggest / recommend you consider... "
"I want you to... "
Notice if you say to your overweight friend, "John, you might want to lose weight," "I would encourage you to consider losing weight," or "I want you to lose weight." He will feel much less resistant to your suggestion and more motivated to start losing weight because essentially he still has the option to refuse your advice without losing face or feeling stupid. You, of course, select one of the three options depending on your style, the closeness of the relationship, and the desired level of impact.
In addition, removing ourselves from the tyranny of the "shoulding" on ourselves by substituting the "wants" and "mights" is a beneficial change. If you say to yourself, "I should lose weight," it is likely you will feel badly that you have yet to do it. On the other hand, if you say, "I want to lose weight," it is more likely you will diet because your resistance is down, and your levels of guilt and bad feelings are diminished.
Remember, ultimately you are only going to do what you want to do. You will be impressed with how much more you can get done with less resistance when you concentrate on changing those "shoulds" to "wants." I encourage you to take your list of "shoulds" and change them to "wants." Then read them aloud and notice how you feel different immediately!
In summary, the "shoulds" create resistance, when either self-imposed, or levied on others. Wipe out all the "shoulds" and consider the "mights" when speaking with others, and use the "wants" when speaking to yourself. You will be quite surprised with the positive results.
I encourage you to take a look at my 3-minute video on "The Shoulds." Click here: http://jmperry.com/videos.html then forward this to many in your network!
Today's Tickle
Let's face it... English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One blouse, 2 blice? First, second, third, fourth or oneth, twoth, threeth, fourth? One index, 2 indices? One kleenex, 2 kleenexes?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park in the driveway and drive in the parkway?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'
The more you "should" on yourself, the more you pushback on your own advice.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
"SHOULDING on YOURSELF and OTHERS"
Have you ever noticed how often people will talk to us about a problem, and we begin to tell them what they "should" do about it? Even after hearing our sage advice, irrespective of how practical, logical, and sensible it might be, they dig in their heels and resist what you claim they "should" do.
We also do this to ourselves. Have you noticed yourself saying, "I should do this" or "I really should avoid doing that," and then you steadfastly resist whatever it is you're telling yourself to do? Have you ever noticed how miserable people feel whenever they compulsively keep doing whatever it is they think they "should" do, rather than what they want to do? It seems there are so many things they should do, say, think, feel, quit, start, etc., that they seldom get around to enjoying anything.
If all of this sounds familiar, you are an unknowing participant in the "should bind." What you may have failed to consider is that whenever you encounter a "should," you have immediately created an obstacle to any progress or success. A "should" is a put-down, designed to point out how stupid the person is who receives it.
Suppose you have a friend who is overweight and out of shape. For a long time, you have been watching your friend overeat without exercising. You are now concerned about his physical condition because these eating habits are jeopardizing his good health and longevity. So, you say, with admirable intentions: "John, you should lose weight. You should diet and exercise because you know your current weight is unhealthy for you." Notice how your friend handles these remarks! He appears affronted and upset and simply refuses to heed them regardless of their validity. Why? What you have really told him is that he is stupid - if he was smart, he would have already lost the weight! The "should" was, in reality, a put-down that resulted in a typical resistant stance.
You "Should" on yourself too! You may notice too that whenever you tell yourself you should diet and exercise, you are reluctant to do what you "should" do. List all of your own "shoulds." They may be overwhelmingly abundant and sound something like this:
I should lose weight. I should stop smoking. I should exercise. I should spend more time with my kids. I should finish my degree. I should call my mother. I should be more patient. I should listen. I shouldn't feel guilty. I shouldn't worry. I shouldn't take things so personally.
Perhaps your list appears endless. Notice whenever you should on yourself out loud, you begin to feel badly, defensive, resentful and resistant? There is a complete absence of motivation.
Sometimes, as parents, we tell our children what they "should" and "shouldn't" do, feel and behave. Though our intentions are honorable and we have the utmost concern for their welfare, we become confused when often our children meet our advice with resistance. Why is that? In actuality, we have put them down rather than helped them out. For instance, suppose your daughter is too frightened to swim and you say: You shouldn't feel afraid. You have really told your child that her feelings are stupid and invalid. She will still feel afraid but now she also feels inferior and stupid because her fear has been undermined.
More closely examined, the "shoulds" are purely guilt producers. The feeling generated by any "should" remark is initially guilt but this is quickly turned to resentment then resistance. I have seldom known anyone who really liked being dealt "shoulds" on a regular basis.
An even more self-defeating "should" is placed in the past tense, namely, "I should have done this," or "You should have remembered..." To constantly berate yourself over what you should or shouldn't have done is unbelievably destructive. Why? Because it is impossible to alter the past! It has already happened and is past the point of change. To continually beat yourself up about it is reactive and destructive. Progress and improvement are impossible leaving room only for guilt and self-hate.
What is a solution to "Shoulding" on yourself and others?
I heartily encourage you delete all "shoulds" from your vocabulary and substitute them with "mights" and "wants." Remember that the first thing people will do when they feel forced is resist. The "shoulds" are a form of force. People resist vehemently. Removing the "shoulds" from your dialogue will provide less force, thereby resulting in less unnecessary resistance. There are three ways to rephrase the overused "should" in your daily conversations. Each has a different level of intensity. They are:
"You might... "
"I urge / encourage / suggest / recommend you consider... "
"I want you to... "
Notice if you say to your overweight friend, "John, you might want to lose weight," "I would encourage you to consider losing weight," or "I want you to lose weight." He will feel much less resistant to your suggestion and more motivated to start losing weight because essentially he still has the option to refuse your advice without losing face or feeling stupid. You, of course, select one of the three options depending on your style, the closeness of the relationship, and the desired level of impact.
In addition, removing ourselves from the tyranny of the "shoulding" on ourselves by substituting the "wants" and "mights" is a beneficial change. If you say to yourself, "I should lose weight," it is likely you will feel badly that you have yet to do it. On the other hand, if you say, "I want to lose weight," it is more likely you will diet because your resistance is down, and your levels of guilt and bad feelings are diminished.
Remember, ultimately you are only going to do what you want to do. You will be impressed with how much more you can get done with less resistance when you concentrate on changing those "shoulds" to "wants." I encourage you to take your list of "shoulds" and change them to "wants." Then read them aloud and notice how you feel different immediately!
In summary, the "shoulds" create resistance, when either self-imposed, or levied on others. Wipe out all the "shoulds" and consider the "mights" when speaking with others, and use the "wants" when speaking to yourself. You will be quite surprised with the positive results.
I encourage you to take a look at my 3-minute video on "The Shoulds." Click here: http://jmperry.com/videos.html then forward this to many in your network!
Today's Tickle
Let's face it... English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One blouse, 2 blice? First, second, third, fourth or oneth, twoth, threeth, fourth? One index, 2 indices? One kleenex, 2 kleenexes?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park in the driveway and drive in the parkway?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Hello All:
Part of life means having to deal with miserable energy suckers. Many of these people seem to be on a mission for you to enjoy their unhappiness. Sometimes that price of admission is too high. So what do you do?
Dr. Mitchell Perry
DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE IN BUSINESS
People can be difficult... and dealing effectively with people in business is crucial to your success. When you learn how to identify people's behavior in business you are way ahead of the game, and your career (and sanity) will benefit enormously. These skills and benefits can be of great value in the following circumstances:
The Hostile - This type includes:
The Bully - the boss or coworker or business contact who takes pleasure in running over you or throwing you under the bus.
The Sniper - the person who says something nasty and pretends to be innocent.
The Exploder - Their favorite line is "Don't make me mad," so you are always on guard for an explosion.
The Negative/Critical Complainer - Everything is always wrong, bad, awful, and miserable. They are professional whiners.
The Unresponsive - They are silent, non-communicative, unemotional, and distant. It is impossible to tell what their position is on anything.
The Indecisive - Perpetually ambivalent, uncommitted; they are afraid of making mistakes, being wrong, and being exposed.
The Judge/Calculator - "Let me analyze this," remaining critical, pejorative, everything is slightly flawed and imperfect.
The Passive/Aggressive - Appearing compliant while sabotaging, undermining, and criticizing all the time.
The Professional Victim - Self pity, wallowing in "Ain't it awful?" "I'm so mistreated." "You can't possibly understand what I've been through." "It isn't fair!"
Sound familiar? What do you do about these types when you have to work with them, answer to them, persuade them?
Here are some effective strategies you can use: (Remember that different types require different tools, and it is helpful if you can use many people tools in your tool box.)
Today's Tickle
Dear Abby Lacks Answers to the following questions:
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Remember, these people are alive and walking amongst us and brain damage appears to be contagious.
What a prospect! These people vote, but only if they can find the polling place!
Part of life means having to deal with miserable energy suckers. Many of these people seem to be on a mission for you to enjoy their unhappiness. Sometimes that price of admission is too high. So what do you do?
Dr. Mitchell Perry
DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE IN BUSINESS
People can be difficult... and dealing effectively with people in business is crucial to your success. When you learn how to identify people's behavior in business you are way ahead of the game, and your career (and sanity) will benefit enormously. These skills and benefits can be of great value in the following circumstances:
- When applying for a new job
- Asking for a promotion
- Maintaining balance and equilibrium on the job
- Gaining a new account
- Succeeding in the merger or acquisition of your company
- Navigating through the political waters at work
- Doing the maintenance on a difficult colleague or customer
The Hostile - This type includes:
The Bully - the boss or coworker or business contact who takes pleasure in running over you or throwing you under the bus.
The Sniper - the person who says something nasty and pretends to be innocent.
The Exploder - Their favorite line is "Don't make me mad," so you are always on guard for an explosion.
The Negative/Critical Complainer - Everything is always wrong, bad, awful, and miserable. They are professional whiners.
The Unresponsive - They are silent, non-communicative, unemotional, and distant. It is impossible to tell what their position is on anything.
The Indecisive - Perpetually ambivalent, uncommitted; they are afraid of making mistakes, being wrong, and being exposed.
The Judge/Calculator - "Let me analyze this," remaining critical, pejorative, everything is slightly flawed and imperfect.
The Passive/Aggressive - Appearing compliant while sabotaging, undermining, and criticizing all the time.
The Professional Victim - Self pity, wallowing in "Ain't it awful?" "I'm so mistreated." "You can't possibly understand what I've been through." "It isn't fair!"
Sound familiar? What do you do about these types when you have to work with them, answer to them, persuade them?
Here are some effective strategies you can use: (Remember that different types require different tools, and it is helpful if you can use many people tools in your tool box.)
- Keep a smile going, remain strong, impervious to the manipulations (works well on the Negative Complainers).
- Remove yourself (when possible) from the difficult person, its a frustration when they lack an audience (works on the Bully).
- Validate their opinion before you counter with yours. They will be less difficult when they feel valued.
- Listen first. Listening is the best way to get your point across. As Dr. Stephen Covey says in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, "seek first to understand, then be understood" (works on everyone, especially the Judge/Calculator).
- Replace "yeah but" in your dialog with "on the other hand." This small change will calm down escalation of contests and conflicts.
- Ask them to help you understand. People are less likely to be difficult when asked for help (works on the Indecisive and Unresponsive).
- Reinforce their value following a criticism. People respond to what they heard last, therefore, they will be less defensive.
- Engage in three or more options. People will be less contestual when there are multiple options available.
- Replace "you should" with "you might" or "I encourage you to..." People get very difficult when they hear the word "should."
- Expose the routine. Announce your confusion with mixed messages from them (sometimes effective on Passive/Aggressive).
Today's Tickle
Dear Abby Lacks Answers to the following questions:
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Remember, these people are alive and walking amongst us and brain damage appears to be contagious.
What a prospect! These people vote, but only if they can find the polling place!
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Every morning you wake up, you wake up YOU. Whenever you look in the mirror, there you are! It is insane to dislike and disrespect that person in the mirror.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
1. Your character, your standards, and your self-respect are everything.
Do you ever notice that every morning you wake up YOU? Even if you are dreaming... you still wake up YOU. You are always there regardless of your fantasies about being someone else.
I like to say, "Wherever you go, there you are, so there you go!"
This means that every morning you look in the mirror, there you are.
Therefore, you will always be attending that meeting with yourself... so it makes perfect common sense to enjoy and feel good about what you see in the mirror.
It is insane to routinely dislike the person always attending that party - YOU.
So, your judgment, your approval, your self-respect, your self-concept is primary. Therefore to be hostage to the approval / disapproval of others over your own is profoundly counter-productive.
2. The degree to which you get respect from others is in direct proportion to your own self-respect. The more self-respect you have... the more respect you will get from others.
Remember that being respected has a much longer shelf-life than being popular.
Popular falls in and out of fashion. People are often fickle and your being hostage to the approval / disapproval of others only makes you perpetually adjust your standards and conduct in the interest of gaining that temporary favor.
Example: you get pressure from your peers to participate in doing drugs because "it is cool, everyone is doing it, and you want to avoid being called a wimp." So to get group approval you consent, do the drugs, and then later regret it big time.
Sometimes you have to do the "right" thing because your self-respect is at stake. When you do, you respect what you see in the mirror, and then "they" will likely respect you more.
Remember, "like" follows "respect" more than "respect" follows "like."
It is more likely that people will like you after they respect you than they will respect you after they like you. I would always much prefer to be respected than be popular.
In your lifetime, you have known someone who always chose the "popular" option and as a result their self-respect always went on the back burner... so they earned very little, if any respect from others.
3. Going forward, consider using the "SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©."
You know what a barometer measures: air pressure. And as you may know, boaters always check the barometer first before they venture out into the sea. If the barometer indicates a "storm" coming, it might be a bad idea to go out in bad weather.
So consider this... you probably wear a watch... and you probably routinely look at your watch to check the time... that helps you make important decisions at particular points in the day.
Let's imagine that you NOW have an additional gauge on your watch... and this one is called your "SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©"... and it measures your self-respect at any time.
So imagine you are going to make a decision about a relationship, an initiative, a purchase, a reaction, etc... and this decision has some emotion attached to it... which means this next decision might be impacted by that emotion.
Perhaps you might be dealing with impulse control issues around this decision and your emotions are impacting your impulses... SO, BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY MAKE THE DECISION, YOU SIMPLY CHECK YOUR WATCH AND LOOK AT YOUR "SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©."
Now you ask yourself, "IF I MAKE THIS DECISION, DOES MY SELF-RESPECT GO UP OR DOWN?"
And, if the answer is DOWN, then you can decide to make another decision instead. Imagine your self-respect is always the guiding light, the guidance counselor, the mentor, the internal locus of control.
WHEN YOU ROUTINELY USE THE "SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©" TO GUIDE YOUR CONDUCT, YOU ARE LIKELY TO MAKE DIFFERENT DECISIONS, AND THEREFORE PUT YOUR SELF-RESPECT FIRST.
Then you start trusting your judgment more.
Keep the "Self-Respect Barometer©" close by, and look at it often. You will notice that it will help you make important decisions, retain your strength of character, and self-respect.
Today's Tickle
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'
'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'
Dr. Mitchell Perry
1. Your character, your standards, and your self-respect are everything.
Do you ever notice that every morning you wake up YOU? Even if you are dreaming... you still wake up YOU. You are always there regardless of your fantasies about being someone else.
I like to say, "Wherever you go, there you are, so there you go!"
This means that every morning you look in the mirror, there you are.
Therefore, you will always be attending that meeting with yourself... so it makes perfect common sense to enjoy and feel good about what you see in the mirror.
It is insane to routinely dislike the person always attending that party - YOU.
So, your judgment, your approval, your self-respect, your self-concept is primary. Therefore to be hostage to the approval / disapproval of others over your own is profoundly counter-productive.
2. The degree to which you get respect from others is in direct proportion to your own self-respect. The more self-respect you have... the more respect you will get from others.
Remember that being respected has a much longer shelf-life than being popular.
Popular falls in and out of fashion. People are often fickle and your being hostage to the approval / disapproval of others only makes you perpetually adjust your standards and conduct in the interest of gaining that temporary favor.
Example: you get pressure from your peers to participate in doing drugs because "it is cool, everyone is doing it, and you want to avoid being called a wimp." So to get group approval you consent, do the drugs, and then later regret it big time.
Sometimes you have to do the "right" thing because your self-respect is at stake. When you do, you respect what you see in the mirror, and then "they" will likely respect you more.
Remember, "like" follows "respect" more than "respect" follows "like."
It is more likely that people will like you after they respect you than they will respect you after they like you. I would always much prefer to be respected than be popular.
In your lifetime, you have known someone who always chose the "popular" option and as a result their self-respect always went on the back burner... so they earned very little, if any respect from others.
3. Going forward, consider using the "SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©."
You know what a barometer measures: air pressure. And as you may know, boaters always check the barometer first before they venture out into the sea. If the barometer indicates a "storm" coming, it might be a bad idea to go out in bad weather.
So consider this... you probably wear a watch... and you probably routinely look at your watch to check the time... that helps you make important decisions at particular points in the day.
Let's imagine that you NOW have an additional gauge on your watch... and this one is called your "SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©"... and it measures your self-respect at any time.
So imagine you are going to make a decision about a relationship, an initiative, a purchase, a reaction, etc... and this decision has some emotion attached to it... which means this next decision might be impacted by that emotion.
Perhaps you might be dealing with impulse control issues around this decision and your emotions are impacting your impulses... SO, BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY MAKE THE DECISION, YOU SIMPLY CHECK YOUR WATCH AND LOOK AT YOUR "SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©."
Now you ask yourself, "IF I MAKE THIS DECISION, DOES MY SELF-RESPECT GO UP OR DOWN?"
And, if the answer is DOWN, then you can decide to make another decision instead. Imagine your self-respect is always the guiding light, the guidance counselor, the mentor, the internal locus of control.
WHEN YOU ROUTINELY USE THE "SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©" TO GUIDE YOUR CONDUCT, YOU ARE LIKELY TO MAKE DIFFERENT DECISIONS, AND THEREFORE PUT YOUR SELF-RESPECT FIRST.
Then you start trusting your judgment more.
Keep the "Self-Respect Barometer©" close by, and look at it often. You will notice that it will help you make important decisions, retain your strength of character, and self-respect.
Today's Tickle
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'
'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
When you ask for help from others, they will say yes;
When they give you help, you have more resources;
When they say yes, give you the help, and have more resources you are now more powerful!
So, it is insane to prevent the very thing that works best!
Dr. Mitchell Perry
ENGAGE THE POWER OF RELATIONSHIPS: ASK FOR HELP!
Human beings need contact, closeness, and affiliation. Connection is so important that solitary confinement is often used in prison as a means of punishment. People are generally happier when they feel close, connected, loved, and appreciated.
And, the most common psychological disorder in people is depression. What is depression? Depression sets in when the gap is too wide between how one thinks life should be vs. how it is. And the biggest contributor to depression is loneliness, feeling rejected, alienated, disconnected, and separate from other people.
SO THE MESSAGE IS ALWAYS... GET CONNECTED!
And here is a great way to make that connection!
Notice how often you can get more done with people helping. And, notice how often you want to ask someone for help, but are reluctant either because you are afraid you may be turned down, or you will be perceived as weak.
Be reminded of the following axiom:
So, remember to engage the power of relationships by asking for help! To do that, you must change the association you may have between asking for help and appearing weak. Rather than associate WEAKNESS with the thought of asking for help, associate STRENGTH instead. Besides, when you do get help, and the resources you need, are you now weaker or actually stronger?
People like to feel important and asking for help or advice is a great way of making someone feel valued.
So, start a new behavior pattern... associate strength with asking for help. Then, start connecting with people and find strength in the power of the group Engage the power of relationships and replace the "you or me" with "you and me."
Ask for help regularly!
Today's Tickle
POLITICIANS ALWAYS REMAIN THE SAME IT SEEMS... WHISKEY
In 1952, Armon M. Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of Representatives, was asked about his position on whiskey. What follows is his exact answer (taken from the Political Archives of Texas).
"If you mean whiskey, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being.
However, if by whiskey you mean the lubricant of conversation, the philosophic juice, the elixir of life, the liquid that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into Texas treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to
build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it.
This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle.
Gil McKinnie
"IT'S FIVE O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE!"
When they give you help, you have more resources;
When they say yes, give you the help, and have more resources you are now more powerful!
So, it is insane to prevent the very thing that works best!
Dr. Mitchell Perry
ENGAGE THE POWER OF RELATIONSHIPS: ASK FOR HELP!
Human beings need contact, closeness, and affiliation. Connection is so important that solitary confinement is often used in prison as a means of punishment. People are generally happier when they feel close, connected, loved, and appreciated.
And, the most common psychological disorder in people is depression. What is depression? Depression sets in when the gap is too wide between how one thinks life should be vs. how it is. And the biggest contributor to depression is loneliness, feeling rejected, alienated, disconnected, and separate from other people.
SO THE MESSAGE IS ALWAYS... GET CONNECTED!
And here is a great way to make that connection!
Notice how often you can get more done with people helping. And, notice how often you want to ask someone for help, but are reluctant either because you are afraid you may be turned down, or you will be perceived as weak.
Be reminded of the following axiom:
- The first impulse most people have when OFFERED help is to say NO!
- And, the news is... the first impulse most people have when asked for help is to say YES!
So, remember to engage the power of relationships by asking for help! To do that, you must change the association you may have between asking for help and appearing weak. Rather than associate WEAKNESS with the thought of asking for help, associate STRENGTH instead. Besides, when you do get help, and the resources you need, are you now weaker or actually stronger?
People like to feel important and asking for help or advice is a great way of making someone feel valued.
So, start a new behavior pattern... associate strength with asking for help. Then, start connecting with people and find strength in the power of the group Engage the power of relationships and replace the "you or me" with "you and me."
Ask for help regularly!
Today's Tickle
POLITICIANS ALWAYS REMAIN THE SAME IT SEEMS... WHISKEY
In 1952, Armon M. Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of Representatives, was asked about his position on whiskey. What follows is his exact answer (taken from the Political Archives of Texas).
"If you mean whiskey, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being.
However, if by whiskey you mean the lubricant of conversation, the philosophic juice, the elixir of life, the liquid that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into Texas treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to
build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it.
This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle.
Gil McKinnie
"IT'S FIVE O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE!"
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