Maximizing Performance Through Applied Common Sense*

During this election time in our country where we decide on a new President, we are confronted with making choices among some curious candidates.

At your service,

Dr. Mitchell Perry  

 

Think about your life and how you are living it.  For most of us, our lives are filled with some great ups, some painful downs, and a whole boatload of underwhelming vanilla in the middle.  We frequently waste a lot of time either watching life go by, or stalling with great intentions to get going real soon.

Sometimes we gain wisdom, and that happens when we have our experience collide with reflection on that experience.  When we reflect on our experience... we often learn lessons. Those lessons are invaluable to help us make course corrections in our life journey. 

Life is short, and too often we say along the way, "If I knew then what I know now..."  And we say that with regret because we stalled for too long to learn the lessons. 

So, in your saner reflective moments in life, you might notice that your character plays such a huge role in the quality of your life. 

Your character is made up of:

• Your basic governing standards
• Your values
• Your standards of conduct
• Your rules of engagement
• Your priorities in life
• Your self-respect

Every morning when you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see?  Are you pleased or embarrassed?  Proud or ashamed?  Impressed or depressed?  Excited or bored?  Energetic or listless?  Engaged or isolated?  Powerful or weak?  Do you feel meaningful or meaningless? 

Every morning, whether you like it or not, you wake up inside your own skin. 

"Wherever you go, there you are, so there you go!"  Which means you have to live with yourself, your feelings, your choices, and your behavior.  And, just like compounded interest in a bank account, there are long-term effects to those choices and behaviors. 

At the end of the day, the measure of your life is inevitably determined by your CHARACTER and all its strengths and weaknesses.  IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER!

So, what is the condition of your character?  What are your basic governing values?  What are the moral principles by which you want to live?  What is the gap between what you espouse and what you practice?  There is always going to be a gap; just how wide is it?  Is that okay with you?

The essential qualities for Strength of Character include:

1. INTEGRITY:  Honesty, legitimacy, the straight stuff, and full disclosure.  The willingness to be unpopular at times, by telling the truth.  The absence of lying, tap-dancing, pretending, spinning, stalling, distracting, rationalizing, justifying, and avoiding.  It's doing the right thing.. and most of the time we know what it is.
2. RESPONSIBILITY:  Your life is completely your responsibility.  As an adult, you own your situation -- you are responsible for your choices, your decisions, your preferences, your relationships, your financial health, your conduct, and your actions. If life is going well for you, you probably made it happen. If life is going poorly, you did that too.  And, if life is a giant boatload of underwhelming and wasting time, you did that too. The cards dealt to you are yours to play with; good or bad.  So take accountability, make your choices, apologize, clean up your mess, take your lumps and get on with it.  The energy spent on whining, complaining, and problem describing will be so much better spent on problem solving.
3. GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT:  This part of your Strength of Character is about giving more than taking, contributing more than consuming, caring more than expecting, investing more than expensing.  This part of you is where you are comfortable inside your own skin because you can find your calm, live in the light, derive meaning, and hear the quiet.  "You get more than you give when you give more than you get."  (Hmmm... random acts of kindness!)

Establish a higher standard for yourself and your life.  Life is too short to live a vanilla life.  People will treat you how you teach them to treat you.

People will respect you directly proportional to your self-respect.  Respect that person in the mirror!

Commit to integrity, Responsibility of Spirit... and then share your values and spread them around.

You are quite a role model!

Today's Tickle BECAUSE I'M A MAN           Because I'm a man -- when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.  Calling AAA is out of the question.  I will win. Because I'm a man -- when the car is running poorly, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things but now with all these computers and everything, I am clueless where to start."  We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion. Because I'm a man -- when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.  You're a woman.  I will always get sicker than you, so for you, this is cake.  Because I'm a man -- I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like steaks, milk or bread.  I cannot be expected to find exotic items like tofu or tampons.  For all I know, these are the same thing. Because I'm a man -- when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.  Because I'm a man -- I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.  If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it... though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator (former applies mainly to engineers).  Because I'm a man -- I carry with me a wallet... this item often fits in my pocket, and therefore, carries largely what I need every day -- some money, credit cards, ID cards, etc.  You carry a purse.  Certainly you can choose to put in your purse any number of items that you deem to be critical and necessary for your ongoing day-to-day existence.  Understand that asking me to carry and/or hold your purse is UNTHINKABLE, especially in public.  Please know that you and you alone will be hauling all that stuff around.  Because I'm a man -- it is unnecessary to ask me what I'm thinking about.  The true answer is always either golf, cars, sports or sex.  I have to make up something else when you ask, so avoid asking.  Because I'm a man -- it is unnecessary to ask me if I liked the movie.  Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I disliked it, and if you are feeling amorous afterwards, then I will certainly at least remember the name of the movie and recommend it to others.  Because I'm a man -- I think what you're wearing is fine.  I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine too.  Either pair of shoes is fine.  With the belt or without it looks fine.  Your hair is fine.  You look fine.  Can we just go now? Because I'm a man -- and this is, after all the year 2016, I will share equally in the housework.  You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like hosing down the patio and wandering around in the garden with a soda, wondering what to do next.  This has been a public service message for women to Better Understand Men.

Hello,


Therefore, when you get married, you and your partner marry the "courtship behavior."

 

 

Love and Marriage

Regardless of how happy and fulfilling your marriage or relationship is, inevitably you will encounter difficulties and disappointments along the way.  Often times it is either because you have become emotionally malnourished, you both feel unloved and/or unimportant, your relationship needs a tune-up, or perhaps the magic has faded.  Most marriage partners fail to do the ongoing maintenance of the relationship to keep it healthy.    To rebuild a relationship that has gotten lost over the years, you must have a clear, compelling picture of the relationship you want. Then you both must commit to become equipped with the skills and habits to creating and maintaining that renewed and nourishing relationship.     A relationship lives in words and action, much like a play. If your relationship has become its own version of a bad play, then to make a better play (relationship), you must write and practice good scripts.  One way that you can create good marriage scripts is by figuring out what you and your partner want out of the relationship.  In essence, it is time to "rewrite the screenplay."    Start by having the following dialogue with your partner: What do you want me to know about you? What do you want/need from me?  (Attention, time, listening, etc.) Here's what I want you to know about me...  Here's what I need from you...   How would you say our normal conversations work? What is our predictable screenplay?   What are the road blocks to improving our marriage?  (Self pity, score keeping, name calling, guilt trips, indifference, withdrawal, etc.) What are we going to do differently going forward? Be sure to find out what your partner wants, and then give your partner what your partner wants.  YOU MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!   Attention Husbands!  Find out what your wife wants and give it to her -- because you did during courtship!  Here is most likely what she wants: Listen to me and then listen some more (and look interested).  Pay attention to me and BE with me... because "I am who I'm with."  I am largely defined by my relationships. Empathize more and quit giving me advice (unless I ask for it).  Hold me, cherish me, show me I'm the one!  I must be the dominant source of your happiness.  Attention Wives!  Find out what your husband wants and give it to him -- because you did during courtship!  Here is most likely what he wants: Look good, lose the weight, and dress up, because how you look is critical to me. Pay attention to me and DO with me... because "I am what I do."  I am largely defined by achievements.  Sexual gymnastics (complete with howling at the moon). Treat me like a king!  I must be a big deal in your eyes. Take these steps with your partner and see what happens.    Re-scripting your relationship can only lead to a better understanding of yourself... and your partner.   Then pay the freight, take initiative, practice new habits and restore the courtship.    AND REMEMBER, REINFORCE EACH OTHER MORE THAN YOU CRITICIZE / IGNORE... 5 TIMES MORE!        Today's Tickle         A BAPTIST COWBOY A cowboy, who just recently moved from Texas to Wyoming, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of beer. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each mug in turn.   When he finishes them all, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.   The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."   The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."   The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.   The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way.  He orders three mugs of beer and drinks them in turn.   One day, he comes in and orders only two mugs.   All the regulars take notice and fall silent.   When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I want to offer my condolences on your loss."   The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.   "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking." "It hasn't affected my brothers though..."

 

 

What would you rather do... take responsibility for yourself, complete with your spine and self-respect intact or become a certified weak and whining professional victim?


PROFESSIONAL VICTIMS

Many people unconsciously choose to play a victim role, and in so doing they enable many others to mistreat, criticize, take advantage, and be disrespectful. 

Remember, the only way that others can mistreat you is with consent... and victims consent all the time.  Most victims are volunteers. 

Typical behaviors of professional victims:

• Self-pity, feeling sorry for yourself, Poor me, Why me? It isn't fair
• Being sick often with hypochondria
• Being perpetually financially strapped or broke
• Continually the recipient of abuse
• Being a martyr and/or a masochist
• Being an over-accommodator and people pleaser
• Being lazy, a chronic failure and therefore unwilling to even try
• Staying addicted to drugs, alcohol, abusive people, bad situations, etc.
• Being a chronic crisis junkie, catastrophizer, and awfulizer
• Being an enabler of others to take advantage financially, emotionally, in relationships, etc.
• Medicating with food and therefore hiding behind obesity
• Being unwilling to take responsibility for your future
• Deciding to give up before you start, choosing defeat up front
• Hiding behind a that's just the way I am mantra
• Routinely saying, I'm unlucky, which suggests that luck has much to do with life's successes
• Hiding behind religion, particularly the kind that glorifies martyr behavior and giving up responsibility for yourself
• Staying in a bad marriage or relationship because you think predictable unhappiness is preferable to unpredictable happiness
• Hanging on to a job you hate, with the fear that you would prefer the illusion of security to happiness and success
• Continually limiting your options because you are consumed with fear
• Refusing to take responsibility for your life situation, thinking that someone else is responsible and owes you something
• Feeling entitled to be a victim and then complaining about it

To get better and get unstuck with the victim routine:

• Identify the victim behaviors in yourself
• Admit that you are behaving this way and you have been a volunteer for too long
• Decide that you are now done with choosing "the delicious agony of life" so you can have others feel sorry for you
• Get bothered enough that you are now convinced it is time to do something different
• Take responsibility for your life, your behaviors, your decisions, and your contributions to your situations
• Decide to clean up your mess
• Think about several options (three or more) that you could choose... multiple options reduces the threat of losing, resignation, failure, and surrender
• Get started in small steps on one or some of the options
• Learn to say NO, and let others disapprove or be unhappy
• Get on with your life
• Keep going anyway, even when you have setbacks
• Remember, life is about learning lessons, and lessons will be repeated until they are learned

TODAY'S TICKLE  

26 Truths for Older Adults

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still be clueless what time it is.

2. What sucks the most is that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I refused to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I forgot the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. It is unclear when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that being productive is out of the question for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I refuse to restart my collection... again.

13. It seems clearly reasonable that when I am lonely, I can solve that problem by ordering 2 large pizzas, 4 beers, and an ice cream chaser.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know to ignore them when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers.  I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday more kisses begin with cocktails than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still failed to hear, understand, or care about a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.  Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. As soon as you find something at the grocery store that you really like, they will either move it or the company will discontinue it. Indeed!

24.  The driving of all the other people on the road has become markedly worse in the past few years.

25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

26. Surveys say that 75% of citizens think that rudeness is a real problem in this country. It is also clear that 99% percent of us think everyone else is rude. If only THEY would change, everything would be fine.

Life just gets better as you get older...YES?

At your service,
 
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
JM Perry Learning

The cooperation conundrum:
Among the most insane habits we humans
practice is to prevent the very thing we want
and disallow the very thing that works.  

Dr. J. Mitchell Perry


ASKING FOR HELP

As a species, we are a very curious bunch of characters. So often, rather than practice common sense, we prefer to routinely practice insanity... and, what is insanity? Insanity is: continuing the same counter-productive habit, with the same bad outcome, with the illusion that if we keep doing that habit, we will receive a different outcome.

Among the two most insane habits people practice in the United States are:

     1.  We spend more than we have.
and
     2.  We eat more than we need.
          (More than 2/3 of us are financially and
          physically obese.) 
          Then we wonder why we are so broke and so
          unhealthy!

Here is another insane habit we so often practice around the world... failing to ASK FOR HELP.

This is one of the most powerful and effective habits that humans generally avoid.

The paradox is that we often prevent the very thing that works - ASKING FOR HELP. 

To get started, here are some remarkably universal truths:
Universal Truth #1:  When offered help, most people will likely answer "No."

Imagine yourself offering someone help:
You offer help to your teenager in doing homework
You offer help to your spouse to solve a computer issue
You offer help to a co-worker who appears to need it
You offer help to a family member to solve a personal problem
What happens?  Almost always their response is a resounding "NO."

At this point, you are often quite perplexed.  You think:
My intentions are good
I can really help here
I can solve it right away
My advice is quite good
This seems insane!  What's going on?
Universal Truth #2:  When asked for help, people will generally answer "Yes."

Think about it.  
If I ask you for help, are you likely to say yes?  Answer - YES.  Why?  Because if I ask you for help it helps you feel important and the single biggest need that people have to be met (beyond survival) is to feel important.
If I ask you for help, you say yes; and you give me the help, then do I have more resources at this point or fewer resources?  Answer - MORE.
If I ask you for help, you say yes; you give me the help; I now have more resources; then am I less powerful or more powerful?  Answer - MORE POWERFUL.
Therefore, if I ask you for help:
You will very likely say yes;
You give me the help;
I now have more resources;
I now become more powerful;
Then that is a GOOD thing, yes?
That is common sense, yes?
YES!!!
What is it that would make so many people refuse to ask for help and reject the above logical common sense?  What is the deal with so many people having so much difficulty asking for help? 

Answer:  Because of the ASSOCIATION that most of us have in our minds with the idea of asking for help.  Remember that whenever you associate with something you will likely be bound by the association regardless of how true or ridiculous that association is.  

And, what is the most common ASSOCIATION that people connect with asking for help?

That ASKING FOR HELP means that you will be considered WEAK!  And, because it is unthinkable to be weak, you must avoid asking for help.

PRIDE IS VERY EXPENSIVE!

So, is that association actually true?  Think about it.  

Here are some very important questions I recommend you ask yourself:
Have you ever done a research survey to determine that if you ask others for help, they will actually think you are weak?
Are you aware of research in the literature that has conclusively determined that when you have an impulse to ask others for help, you must override and stop the impulse because there is statistically significant data that proves people will think you are weak?
In my professional history, the answers to both questions are a resounding NO!  

So on what do you want to rely?

     1.  The insane life-long association of asking for 
          help means you are weak?
Or
      2.  Asking for help is very effective, and reeks of
           Common Sense! 

I imagine that when you think about it, the Common Sense solution #2 is the way to go.  

So, how do you get started with making a habit of ASKING FOR HELP?

     1.  CHANGE YOUR STATE OF MIND and CHOOSE 
          THE COMMON SENSE SOLUTION.  
    When you ask for help, deliberately switch the
    association in your mind from WEAKNESS to
    STRENGTH.

Decide that now it is common sense to ask for help because you now believe the fact that asking for help is a good thing.  Remember, if you ask others for help:
They will very likely say yes;
They will give you the help;
You now have more resources;
You now become more powerful.
2.  START ASKING FOR HELP - PRACTICE!  GET 
     INTO THE HABIT.  What you rehearse, you will
     duplicate.  

Use any of the following for practice:  
"Help me understand."
"I wonder if you can help me?"
"I need your advice."
"What are your thoughts?"
With enough practice you will find out it gets easier.  Moreover, you will notice that you can ask anyone for help... including your children, clients, co-workers, family, neighbors, and service providers.  Try on any of the above openers, and you will find people quite flexible and helpful.  

Asking for help works wonders.
People will say "yes";
People will help;
Your relationships become more flexible;
You solve issues together;
Everyone contributes;
You replace pushback and rigidity (You or Me)    with teaming and responsiveness (You and Me).  
So, I need your help here... WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? 


TODAY'S TICKLE 

Real sports comments for your entertainment:


1. Former Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobiof the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"... Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6.  Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.." (Now that is beautiful.)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8.  Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew  Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I  wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January.)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former  player: "I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.''

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas  A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious." 





At your service,
 
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
JM Perry Learning

P.S.  Let me know how you are doing!

Hello All:  

Part of life means having to deal with miserable energy suckers.  Many of these people seem to be on a mission for you to enjoy their unhappiness.  Sometimes that price of admission is too high.  So what do you do?   
      
Dr. Mitchell Perry

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE IN BUSINESS

 People can be difficult... and dealing effectively with people in business is crucial to your success.  When you learn how to identify people's behavior in business you are way ahead of the game, and your career (and sanity) will benefit enormously.  These skills and benefits can be of great value in the following circumstances:

• When applying for a new job

• Asking for a promotion

• Maintaining balance and equilibrium on the job

• Gaining a new account

• Succeeding in the merger or acquisition of your company

• Navigating through the political waters at work

• Doing the maintenance on a difficult colleague or customer

Let's begin by identifying some popular difficult personality types.

The Hostile - This type includes:
The Bully - the boss or coworker or business contact who takes pleasure in running over you or throwing you under the bus.
The Sniper - the person who says something nasty and pretends to be innocent.
The Exploder - Their favorite line is "Don't make me mad," so you are always on guard for an explosion.
The Negative/Critical Complainer - Everything is always wrong, bad, awful, and miserable.  They are professional whiners.
The Unresponsive - They are silent, non-communicative, unemotional, and distant.  It is impossible to tell what their position is on anything.
The Indecisive - Perpetually ambivalent, uncommitted; they are afraid of making mistakes, being wrong, and being exposed. 
The Judge/Calculator - "Let me analyze this," remaining critical, pejorative, everything is slightly flawed and imperfect.
The Passive/Aggressive - Appearing compliant while sabotaging, undermining, and criticizing all the time.
The Professional Victim - Self pity, wallowing in "Ain't it awful?"  "I'm so mistreated."  "You can't possibly understand what I've been through."  "It isn't fair!"

Sound familiar?  What do you do about these types when you have to work with them, answer to them, persuade them?  

Here are some effective strategies you can use:  (Remember that different types require different tools, and it is helpful if you can use many people tools in your tool box.)

1. Keep a smile going, remain strong, impervious to the manipulations (works well on the Negative Complainers).
2. Remove yourself (when possible) from the difficult person, its a frustration when they lack an audience (works on the Bully).
3. Validate their opinion before you counter with yours. They will be less difficult when they feel valued.
4. Listen first.  Listening is the best way to get your point across.  As Dr. Stephen Covey says in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, "seek first to understand, then be understood" (works on everyone, especially the Judge/Calculator). 
5. Replace "yeah but" in your dialog with "on the other hand."  This small change will calm down escalation of contests and conflicts.
6. Ask them to help you understand.  People are less likely to be difficult when asked for help (works on the Indecisive and Unresponsive).
7. Reinforce their value following a criticism.  People respond to what they heard last, therefore, they will be less defensive.
8. Engage in three or more options.  People will be less contestual when there are multiple options available. 
9. Replace "you should" with "you might" or "I encourage you to..."  People get very difficult when they hear the word "should." 
10. Expose the routine.  Announce your confusion with mixed messages from them (sometimes effective on Passive/Aggressive).

Above all, maintain your power and your sense of humor.  People can only wreck your day with your consent.  Though certainly difficult people often appear to want you to enjoy their misery with them, keep in mind you can always allow them to enjoy their private party by themselves.  Remember the movie, "War Games?"  At the end of the movie, the computer concluded "the only way to win, is not to play."  How true sometimes.   





Today's Tickle

Dear Abby Lacks Answers to the following questions:


Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.  One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties.  These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment.  Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years.  It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo.  Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world.  I've seen it.  Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years.  He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor.  Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust.  He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Remember, these people are alive and walking amongst us and brain damage appears to be contagious. 

What a prospect!  These people vote, but only if they can find the polling place!

When you ask for help from others, they will say yes;
When they give you help, you have more resources;
When they say yes, give you the help, and have more resources you are now more powerful!
 
So, it is insane to prevent the very thing that works best!
      
Dr. Mitchell Perry









ENGAGE THE POWER OF RELATIONSHIPS:  ASK FOR HELP!

Human beings need contact, closeness, and affiliation.  Connection is so important that solitary confinement is often used in prison as a means of punishment.  People are generally happier when they feel close, connected, loved, and appreciated.  

And, the most common psychological disorder in people is depression.  What is depression?  Depression sets in when the gap is too wide between how one thinks life should be vs. how it is.  And the biggest contributor to depression is loneliness, feeling rejected, alienated, disconnected, and separate from other people.

SO THE MESSAGE IS ALWAYS... GET CONNECTED!  

And here is a great way to make that connection!

Notice how often you can get more done with people helping.  And, notice how often you want to ask someone for help, but are reluctant either because you are afraid you may be turned down, or you will be perceived as weak.

Be reminded of the following axiom:

1. The first impulse most people have when OFFERED help is to say NO!
2. And, the news is... the first impulse most people have when asked for help is to say YES!

So, remember to engage the power of relationships by asking for help!  To do that, you must change the association you may have between asking for help and appearing weak.  Rather than associate WEAKNESS with the thought of asking for help, associate STRENGTH instead.  Besides, when you do get help, and the resources you need, are you now weaker or actually stronger?

People like to feel important and asking for help or advice is a great way of making someone feel valued.

So, start a new behavior pattern... associate strength with asking for help.  Then, start connecting with people and find strength in the power of the group  Engage the power of relationships and replace the "you or me" with "you and me."

Ask for help regularly!  




Today's Tickle

POLITICIANS ALWAYS REMAIN THE SAME IT SEEMS... WHISKEY

In 1952, Armon M. Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of Representatives, was asked about his position on whiskey.  What follows is his exact answer (taken from the Political Archives of Texas). 

"If you mean whiskey, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being.

However, if by whiskey you mean the lubricant of conversation, the philosophic juice, the elixir of life, the liquid that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into Texas treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to
build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it. 

This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle. 

Gil McKinnie 

"IT'S FIVE O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE!"

People need to get fed. They want to know what they are doing that is good. So, regularly catch them doing something right... AND TELL THEM!

It is insane for them to finally find out how good they are at their funeral... so tell them now!

Dr. Mitchell Perry


    
Practicing Reinforcement:  Catching Others Doing Something Right!

PEOPLE WILL TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU TEACH THEM TO TREAT YOU.

THAT WHICH GETS REINFORCED, GETS DONE.

Think about what actually nourishes and encourages you to produce and perform well.

Usually it is mostly about others being impressed, dazzled and proud of you.  You are often driven to do well because of:
     Your own self-concept
     Your values, and
     The regard, respect, cheering, and reinforcement you receive from others.

In company cultures, community organizations, marriages, and families (and just about any important relationship with others) there are usually 3 ways in which people find out how they are doing in the minds of others:

1. Criticism, pejorative remarks, "constructive advice"
2. Silence, absence of any reaction, indifference
3. Reinforcement, encouragement, compliments, appreciation

Most of the time people receive lots of #1 and #2.  Criticism and silence, they even say with relief... "no news is good news!"  However, the price on long-term performance is huge.  The result is most of your people end up severely EMOTIONALLY MALNOURISHED.  They eventually run out of inspiration and emotional reserves to keep producing at high levels. 

So, remember the following axiom:
If someone with whom you have any relationship is behaving in a way you become impressed and appreciative, and you reinforce that very behavior you like, you are likely to receive more of that behavior!

Most everyone believes that, and yet we only practice reinforcement with two populations: small children and dogs!  If it works with them, then will it work on GROWN -UPS?  Of course!

Here are some general guidelines when practicing reinforcement at work:

1. Be specific about what they did or are doing.
2. Share with them what value their behavior has for you.
3. Tie in what value their behavior has for the team / organization.  
4. Make a point of practicing reinforcement at meetings.   
5. Get into the habit of reinforcing more than you criticize.
6. Send "thank you" notes in email or preferably through snail mail.
7. Send group voice mails or emails showing reinforcement for someone or several people.  This increases the expectation that good news can be shared and recognition is very acceptable.   
8. Relax your concern that you will be at risk to reinforcing too much.  Most likely, people will keep producing well with new expectations of receiving validation and recognition.   
9. Practice telling people what impresses you.  You will finally get comfortable with it, and they will get comfortable with receiving it.   
10. If people discount your compliment, simply repeat it again until they say "thank you."
11. Practice accepting compliments:  say "Thank You."

You will notice people will be happy to tell you more and you get fed!

You are at a very low risk of reinforcing others TOO MUCH!

Remember, life is about two things:
Touching peoples' lives and
Having your own life touched in return. 

Therefore, what touches people's lives MORE than reinforcement and appreciation?  


Today's Tickle

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. For me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ It's unclear how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

And, finally ~ If you learn to laugh at trouble, you will have something to laugh at when you're old.

Hello:

"If you can't do it right, don't do it at all."  Does this sound familiar?  Do you ever notice that when you hear this, you simply want to stall?  And before you know it, your life has passed you by and all you do is COUNT moments rather than LIVE them. 

So, get off your backside and get going!  Remember, "DOING IT RIGHT IS SECONDARY... DOING IT IS PRIMARY!"
      
Dr. Mitchell Perry


TAKE ACTION

Let's wait and see what happens, this isn't a good time. I want to think about it. I need more time first. I might do it wrong... I might make a mistake. I just don't want to right now. I wish something would happen. I'm not quite ready to do that. I don't want to talk about it. 

Stalling, waiting, marking time, holding steady; does this sound familiar?

All too often, most people would rather describe a problem than solve it, react more than pro-act - passive more than active.  The result... just more time rehearsing and refining their problem description skills without taking any action. 

Do you want to get a new job, get a college degree, learn a language, lose weight, get in shape, fix your marriage, or play the piano?  Well, do you REALLY want to, or do you just want to talk about... or whine about it? 

You must always ask yourself a fundamental question whenever you want to do anything! 

ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY THE FREIGHT? 

Will you pay the money, spend the time, expend the energy, learn how, risk failure, etc. to reach your goal?  Because your goal can only be achieved if you PAY THE FREIGHT!

The key is to TAKE ACTION.  Do something, anything, any kind of action... and get the momentum going.  It's so much easier to turn the sailboat when the boat is moving! When you do, you have movement, which allows course correction along the way.  But, stalling and describing, rather than moving and solving, simply allows you to pass your life with time, rather than passing your time with life.  You end up having years in your life rather than having life in your years.  

So, TAKE ACTION!  Confidence comes from DOING!  Mastery comes from learning, from discipline, from trusting your instincts and just digging in and doing it!

Make "Take Action" a habit and spread it around. 



Today's Tickle

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
1. You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10

2 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kristen, age 10

3. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10

4. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8

5. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8

6. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

7. On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10

8. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
Pam, age 7( Love her )

9. The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7

10. The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8

11. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

12. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kelvin, age 8

Listening!  It's what everyone wants in all relationships -- business and personal -- spouses want it most in each other, customers want it in customer service, bosses and subordinates want it from each other. 

So what is going on? 

Most of us spend our time rehearsing a response rather than listening to what was said... insanity!

So start learning to listen!    

It's Common Sense and remember, Common Sense is very Uncommon.     

Dr. Mitchell Perry



 Effective Listening

Are you a good communicator?

Communication Facts:
Effective Communication is fundamental to successful relationships - both personal and professional
We all communicate daily in some capacity to others
Most people are poor communicators
We get little if any training in effective communication
Yogi Berra once said, "Communication is 90% listening and the other half is talking."

To the degree to which you can improve your listening skills you will immediately become a better communicator.

Listening is all about Selective Perception.

Selective Perception means viewing the world through a set of filters (culture, background, mood, attitude, emotions, etc.).  You see what you want to see.  You hear what you want to hear.

Keep in mind there are two levels of communication:
   
     CONTENT -- The Data -- The Facts
     What is said:  This is the basic factual data, without
     any packaging.

     CONTEXT -- The Intent -- The Packaging
     How it is said:  When we notice context signals that
     are more familiar to us, we naturally feel more
     comfortable and have more rapport.

People respond far more to context than content so remain aware of the signals, the tone, volume, pitch, speed, expressions, body language, etc.  We are all programmed to respond to contextual signals so be aware of the signals you are giving and receiving.  They may convey a different message than you intend.  In every conversation remain conscious of the speaker's content and context to be sure you get the right message.

Learn to Listen!  It is critical to make sure you understand others correctly.  Effective listening generates the following results:
It reduces the margin of error on what we heard
It allows the person who was speaking to us to reduce their defenses and relax
It helps keep the interchange on track
Remember, Listening is the best way to get your point across!  


Today's Tickle


The following questions were set in last year's GED examination.
These are genuine answers (from 16 year year olds)

Q. Name the four seasons:
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on:
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A.. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the
five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

Hello!

To differentiate your brand... you must be entirely different from everyone else (instead of simply "better") and your behavior most impacts the market, and their perception of you.  

It's Common Sense and remember, Common Sense is very Uncommon.

Dr. Mitchell Perry
Differentiating Behaviors
How are you different? What can you do to set yourself apart?

• Introduce yourself 
• Stand, shake hands, and make eye contact 
• Personalize by addressing your customer by name 
• Be an expert in your business 
• Make frequent contact with your customer 
• Write thank you notes 
• Write personal notes (remember something special) 
• Fast recognition 
• Have a positive attitude about yourself, your position, and your company 
• Learn to listen: Ask more and tell less - listening is the best way to get your point across 
• Learn to express yourself optimistically 
• Keep every promise 
• Commit to check in and follow up often, then do it! Go the extra mile - deliver more than you promise 
• Use humor and smile often 
• Consider incorporating some random acts of kindness into the relationship 
• Become a trusted advisor 
• Be a tailor - continually "custom tailor" your relationship with them 

How many of these traits differentiate you in the eyes of YOUR customer? Which ones do you need to work on the most? Which ones already come easily to you?

Consider the following: If you can find out what your customer wants in his terms and then find a way to give it to him, you will succeed where others fail. This is the secret to all effective sales efforts. Sales is less about selling what you have to your client, but all about encouraging your client to buy what he wants from you. Remember, you want to create "The Pull" and avoid the push.

 
Today's Tickle

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old 
boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

Name: Greg Bulmash

Sex: Not yet.  Still waiting for the right person.

Desired Position: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available.  If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. 

Desired Salary: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package.  If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. 

Education:  Yes

Last Position Held:  Target for middle management hostility.

Salary:  Less than I'm worth

Most Notable Achievement:  My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

Reason for Leaving:  It sucked.

Hours Available to Work:  Any.

Preferred Hours:  1:30 - 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

Do You Have Any Special Skills?  Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

May We Contact Your Current Employer? If I had one, would I be here?

Do You Have Any Physical Conditions That Would Prohibit You From Lifting Up to 50 LBS?
Of What?

Do You Have A Car?  I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

Have You Received Any Special Awards or Recognition?  I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. 

Do You Smoke?  On the job, no; on my breaks, yes.

What Would You Like To Be Doing In Five Years?
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.  Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

Do You Certify That The Above Is True And Complete To The Best Of Your Knowledge?  Yes.  Absolutely.

Sign Here:  Aries

World Class Selling

Most people hate sales and salespeople... why?  Because most salespeople are garden variety.  What is "GARDEN VARIETY"?  They... Sell too soon, which makes people uncomfortable and reluctant to proceed. Ask the wrong questions, thus creating resistance.  Fail to get enough information, which puts the salesperson at a disadvantage. Fail to create rapport, so the customer becomes agitated and manipulated. Concentrate on the sale instead of the customer and the relationship.    But what do the BEST of the BEST salespersons know?  And how do you become a World Class Seller?  How do you separate yourself from the "herd"?  The first thing you must understand is the psychology of selling: "PEOPLE HATE TO BE SOLD STUFF, AND THEY LOVE TO BUY STUFF!" So how do you get your customers to let down their defensive guards and be open and ready to buy from you?    First, instead of your trying to sell the product or service, you must create a condition where your customer wants to buy.  It requires skills and practice to create that condition.    Second, you must focus on your customers, understand their feelings, and build the necessary relationship glue.  Third, you must understand how your behavior determines the perception of value which your customer places on you and the relationship.   When the customer is convinced of the VALUE, the customer will buy --  your behavior has a HUGE impact on that value.      And last, you must learn the communication tools necessary to get your customer to say "yes."    When you master these skills, you will be able to sell with all the class in the world and you, too, will be "The Best of the Best!"  Today's Tickle Ever Wonder... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women are unable to put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why we have yet to see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why "abbreviated" is such a long word? Why doctors call what they do "practice"? Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 8? Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?   Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Why they have yet to make a whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box? Why sheep fail to shrink when it rains? Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe? Why you drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?