Maximizing Performance Through Applied Common Sense*

Hello,


Therefore, when you get married, you and your partner marry the "courtship behavior."

 

 

Love and Marriage

Regardless of how happy and fulfilling your marriage or relationship is, inevitably you will encounter difficulties and disappointments along the way.  Often times it is either because you have become emotionally malnourished, you both feel unloved and/or unimportant, your relationship needs a tune-up, or perhaps the magic has faded.  Most marriage partners fail to do the ongoing maintenance of the relationship to keep it healthy.    To rebuild a relationship that has gotten lost over the years, you must have a clear, compelling picture of the relationship you want. Then you both must commit to become equipped with the skills and habits to creating and maintaining that renewed and nourishing relationship.     A relationship lives in words and action, much like a play. If your relationship has become its own version of a bad play, then to make a better play (relationship), you must write and practice good scripts.  One way that you can create good marriage scripts is by figuring out what you and your partner want out of the relationship.  In essence, it is time to "rewrite the screenplay."    Start by having the following dialogue with your partner: What do you want me to know about you? What do you want/need from me?  (Attention, time, listening, etc.) Here's what I want you to know about me...  Here's what I need from you...   How would you say our normal conversations work? What is our predictable screenplay?   What are the road blocks to improving our marriage?  (Self pity, score keeping, name calling, guilt trips, indifference, withdrawal, etc.) What are we going to do differently going forward? Be sure to find out what your partner wants, and then give your partner what your partner wants.  YOU MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!   Attention Husbands!  Find out what your wife wants and give it to her -- because you did during courtship!  Here is most likely what she wants: Listen to me and then listen some more (and look interested).  Pay attention to me and BE with me... because "I am who I'm with."  I am largely defined by my relationships. Empathize more and quit giving me advice (unless I ask for it).  Hold me, cherish me, show me I'm the one!  I must be the dominant source of your happiness.  Attention Wives!  Find out what your husband wants and give it to him -- because you did during courtship!  Here is most likely what he wants: Look good, lose the weight, and dress up, because how you look is critical to me. Pay attention to me and DO with me... because "I am what I do."  I am largely defined by achievements.  Sexual gymnastics (complete with howling at the moon). Treat me like a king!  I must be a big deal in your eyes. Take these steps with your partner and see what happens.    Re-scripting your relationship can only lead to a better understanding of yourself... and your partner.   Then pay the freight, take initiative, practice new habits and restore the courtship.    AND REMEMBER, REINFORCE EACH OTHER MORE THAN YOU CRITICIZE / IGNORE... 5 TIMES MORE!        Today's Tickle         A BAPTIST COWBOY A cowboy, who just recently moved from Texas to Wyoming, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of beer. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each mug in turn.   When he finishes them all, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.   The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."   The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."   The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.   The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way.  He orders three mugs of beer and drinks them in turn.   One day, he comes in and orders only two mugs.   All the regulars take notice and fall silent.   When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I want to offer my condolences on your loss."   The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.   "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking." "It hasn't affected my brothers though..."

 

 

When you ask for help from others, they will say yes;
When they give you help, you have more resources;
When they say yes, give you the help, and have more resources you are now more powerful!
 
So, it is insane to prevent the very thing that works best!
      
Dr. Mitchell Perry









ENGAGE THE POWER OF RELATIONSHIPS:  ASK FOR HELP!

Human beings need contact, closeness, and affiliation.  Connection is so important that solitary confinement is often used in prison as a means of punishment.  People are generally happier when they feel close, connected, loved, and appreciated.  

And, the most common psychological disorder in people is depression.  What is depression?  Depression sets in when the gap is too wide between how one thinks life should be vs. how it is.  And the biggest contributor to depression is loneliness, feeling rejected, alienated, disconnected, and separate from other people.

SO THE MESSAGE IS ALWAYS... GET CONNECTED!  

And here is a great way to make that connection!

Notice how often you can get more done with people helping.  And, notice how often you want to ask someone for help, but are reluctant either because you are afraid you may be turned down, or you will be perceived as weak.

Be reminded of the following axiom:

1. The first impulse most people have when OFFERED help is to say NO!
2. And, the news is... the first impulse most people have when asked for help is to say YES!

So, remember to engage the power of relationships by asking for help!  To do that, you must change the association you may have between asking for help and appearing weak.  Rather than associate WEAKNESS with the thought of asking for help, associate STRENGTH instead.  Besides, when you do get help, and the resources you need, are you now weaker or actually stronger?

People like to feel important and asking for help or advice is a great way of making someone feel valued.

So, start a new behavior pattern... associate strength with asking for help.  Then, start connecting with people and find strength in the power of the group  Engage the power of relationships and replace the "you or me" with "you and me."

Ask for help regularly!  




Today's Tickle

POLITICIANS ALWAYS REMAIN THE SAME IT SEEMS... WHISKEY

In 1952, Armon M. Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of Representatives, was asked about his position on whiskey.  What follows is his exact answer (taken from the Political Archives of Texas). 

"If you mean whiskey, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being.

However, if by whiskey you mean the lubricant of conversation, the philosophic juice, the elixir of life, the liquid that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into Texas treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to
build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it. 

This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle. 

Gil McKinnie 

"IT'S FIVE O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE!"