Thursday, March 2, 2017
MERRY MERRY FROM JM PERRY!
|
DEALING
WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE IN BUSINESS
|
|
|
People can be difficult... and dealing effectively
with people in business is crucial to your success. When you learn how
to identify and deal more effectively with people's behavior in business
you are way ahead of the game, and your career (and sanity) will benefit
enormously. These skills and benefits can be of great value in the
following circumstances:
Let's begin by identifying some popular difficult
personality types.
Sound familiar? What do you do about these types
when you have to work with them, answer to them, persuade them?
Here are some effective strategies you can use:
(Remember that different types require different tools, and it is helpful if
you can use many people tools in your tool box.)
Above all, maintain your power and your sense of
humor. People can only wreck your day with your consent. Though
certainly difficult people often appear to want you to enjoy their misery
with them, keep in mind you can always allow them to enjoy their private
party by themselves. Remember the movie, "War Games?"
At the end of the movie, the computer concluded "the only way to win, is
not to play." How true sometimes.
|
|
HO HO HOLIDAY GREETINGS!
NOW BE OF GOOD CHEER... IT'S
ONCE AGAIN HERE,
THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE
YEAR!
THE COOKIES ARE BAKING,
THE LIGHTS THEY ARE TWINKLING,
THE REINDEER ARE READY,
WHILE KRIS KRINGLE IS WINKING!
THERE'S PRESENTS, AND EGG NOG,
RED RIBBONS WITH GREEN HOLLY,
THERE'S RUDOLPH, AND
MISTLETOE, AND SANTA SO JOLLY!
WE'LL FIND OUR SMILE, AND
THEN BRING OUT OUR BEST,
WE CAN PLAY, SING, AND
DREAM, AND LET GO OF THE REST!
SO, DRESS UP IN FINE FEATHERS,
WITH JUST THE RIGHT GLITTER,
BRING FRIENDS BY, HUG THEM
ALL, THEY'LL BE ALL A'TWITTER!
THE BAND PLAYS YOUR SONG,
AND DARE YOU TAKE THE CHANCE,
TO GET OUT ON THE FLOOR,
GRAB THE RHYTHM, AND JUST DANCE?
YOUR SPIRIT IS NOW POISED, TO
GATHER AND START CAROLING,
SPREAD YOUR MAGIC AND WARMTH
WITH THE JUST THE RIGHT MERRYLING!
WHEN YOU REACH OUT TO
TOUCH PEOPLE'S LIVES YOU WILL LEARN,
AS YOU SPREAD YOUR MERRY,
YOUR LIFE GETS TOUCHED IN RETURN!
 |
FOR
YOUR CONSIDERATION
|
Here is a famous poem written by Max Ehrmann around 1927.
It is important for us all as we go through the chapters of our lives. Look
it over slowly and you will notice how much, a century later, it still
applies today and is a good reminder especially now during the holidays and
into our next year.
With abiding merries and affection,
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
desiderata - by max ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and
remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be
on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and
listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their
story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you
may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser
persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep
interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue
there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of
heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical
about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial
as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to
shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark
imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle
with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and
the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to
you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever
you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the
noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken
dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
|
|
Friday, November 18, 2016
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
Hello,
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION... as the season approaches.
Turkey Day is coming up very soon. And, the Holiday Season is
the most wonderful time of the year.
This is when we can get together and enjoy our time together, sharing laughs, fellowship, care, regard, affection, closeness, appreciation, respect, admiration, and generosity of spirit.
This is when we can get together and enjoy our time together, sharing laughs, fellowship, care, regard, affection, closeness, appreciation, respect, admiration, and generosity of spirit.
So, when you visit with those special people with whom you are
close, be sure to raise your glass and propose a toast to them and how
important they are. THE SINGLE BIGGEST NEED THAT PEOPLE HAVE TO BE MET IS TO
FEEL IMPORTANT. So, you can help fill that need once again and, you will likely
start the snowball rolling.
Life is short, and it is always important to replace criticism,
condemnation, distance, and indifference with love, appreciation, forgiveness,
and grace.
The best thing about the Holiday Season coming around it that is gives us reason to again become the best part of ourselves and appreciate those who make life worth living.
The best thing about the Holiday Season coming around it that is gives us reason to again become the best part of ourselves and appreciate those who make life worth living.
So, in that spirit... may we at JM Perry Learning wish you
all HAPPY TURKEY DAY! GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
With abiding respect and affection,
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
CREATING BALANCE and FULFILLMENT in YOUR LIFE
Most people want to be
happy and successful.
Ask yourself what that
would mean to you. When you think about being quite happy what images
come to mind? In addition, what does being very successful look
like? Furthermore, what's the point... where's the meaning?
HAPPINESS
IS CLOSENESS. When you think about experiences
in life in which you were really happy, there were probably people important to
you in your memory and you were happy in large part because you felt CLOSE
to those people. The closer you feel to people you care about,
the happier you are. Generally, as humans, we do poorly alone. We
must have closeness, connection, intimacy and togetherness. The biggest problem
that most of us experience is anxiety and depression... and the biggest
contributor to that is loneliness, THE ABSENSE OF CLOSENESS. So, one key
objective in life is to routinely establish, build, and maintain some quality
and nourishing CLOSENESS in your relationships. Remember, a significant part of
your identity is called "I AM WHO I AM WITH" and your happiness
dimension is fed by that identity.
Closeness is usually
found and developed in your personal life.
SUCCESS
IS ACHIEVEMENT. When you think
of times in your life when you felt quite successful, you probably thought of
things that you achieved. Perhaps you completed college, wrote a
book, created a new personal best in sports, learned a new language, became an
entrepreneur, improved your community, resolved a huge conflict, wrote a hit
song, received an award for what you did, etc. Creating a goal
and achieving it builds a solid sense of identity, strength, and
autonomy. Continually achieving goals builds confidence and purpose which
develops the self and creates independence. So, another key objective in
life is to continually realize success by realizing ACHIEVEMENTS.
This part of your
identity is called "I AM WHAT I DO" and notice what happens to your
identity when you quit doing it. Too often, rather than becoming happy when
they retire, many people become depressed because they give up being important,
and relevant... which is why it is so important to figure out your next chapter
and go DO IT after you give up what you are currently doing.
Success is usually
found and developed in your work life.
CREATING
BALANCE. Some form of balance between both
dimensions of personal and professional life is essential for optimum happiness
and success.
People who are highly
professionally successful (always achieving) but always personally unhappy
(estranged, isolated, unconnected from people) are unbalanced on the success
side. They often end up driven and angry. They must start creating
valuable CLOSENESS to fix it. Remember, "I AM WHO I'M
WITH."
Likewise, people who
are personally very happy (close with significant people) yet very
professionally unsuccessful (unable / unwilling to achieve anything) are
unbalanced on the happiness side. They usually end up dependent,
clingy, and anxious because they are often consumed by fear. "I just
couldn't do that because I am uneducated, shy, unattractive, unskilled,
uncoordinated, stupid, weak, awkward, unlucky, difficult" etc.
You may remember
someone saying to you, "If you can't do it right, don't do it at all."
And you may have thought, "Then forget it, what's the point of even
trying?"
So now consider this
instead: DOING IT RIGHT IS SECONDARY... DOING IT IS PRIMARY! You must begin
to ACHIEVE things to fix it. Remember, "I AM WHAT I DO."
DEVELOP
MEANING. Fulfillment in life comes when
there is clear and evident meaning to your existence. Write down your
basic governing values. Contribute something to society as part of paying
the rent for your time here. Commit to something larger than
yourself and watch the development of grace.
Life
is really about touching lives and getting your life touched as a result.
Develop
closeness - I AM WHO I'M WITH, commit to achieving - I AM WHAT I DO,
and life becomes balanced.
Then
contribute to society in some way with your time, resources,
and grace. Meaning emerges and so does fulfillment.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Hello,
Life is messy and navigating through it is
difficult. So here is your "How-to Guide to Life!"
At your service,
Dr. Mitchell Perry |
|
 |
AXIOMS OF LIFE©
Rarely do we get much guidance or training
on how to best live life. Most of us bumble through in a trial-and-error
mode. Many of us end up behaving like everyone else, which is often
counter-productive and a perfect illustration of peer pressure at work.
For example, you may notice that most of us
now use the word "like" every fifth word in our
dialogue. We are often completely unaware of the habit: it is just that
"LIKE everyone is doing it! It's LIKE incredible. It's LIKE so
LIKE amazing!"
We know as adults that being skilled in
relationship and performance effectiveness is VERY important. It is so
important that we often conclude that relationship effectiveness is likely to
be among the MOST valuable competencies we can have. On the other hand,
it is curious that getting along effectively with others has been a subject missing from
school curriculums since there have been schools.
After a few decades of practicing in the
human relationship and performance effectiveness business, I have come to realize
there are some incontrovertible truths about the business of living. Living
by these truths can make your life much more fulfilling, especially if you
want to be happy and successful (as most of us do). I call these truths AXIOMS
OF LIFE©.
To get started, here are a few given
assumptions I encourage you to review:
Assumption #1
- OLD BELIEFS + OLD HABITS = PREDICTABLE
CONSEQUENSES
Consider smoking, over-eating,
over-spending, lying, being irresponsible, blaming others, playing victim,
etc. If life is going badly for you, you are probably unaware of how you
helped that happen.
- NEW BELIEFS + NEW HABITS = NEW
CONSEQUENCES (perhaps improved!)
Consider the consequences of new
commitments and disciplined habits in relationships, fiscal literacy,
persuasion, good health, strength of character, education, high standards,
and self-respect.
Assumption #2
- My ongoing behavior and habits are a result of my ongoing
beliefs.
- Whatever I expect to see, I will likely arrange to confirm.
- What I focus on expands.
- Whatever I rehearse, I will duplicate.
Assumption #3
- When we effectively change and improve our beliefs, our
perspectives, and our habits, we will gain different and by far better
outcomes.
In order to make lasting
changes and improvements, I must:
SO HOW DO I GET STARTED?
For
your consideration, here are my AXIOMS OF LIFE©
The
only life to which you are entitled is the one you are living. The nature of
your experience in that life is for you to decide.
Often
life is supposed to be different than the way it is. You are supposed to be
good looking, healthy, fortunate, born into a good family, educated, safe, privileged,
smart, lucky, respected, and popular. You are supposed to be happy,
brilliant, successful, and perpetually young.
AND,
while all the above is the way life is supposed to be, you will likely
notice that life is often quite different. Life turns left when it is
supposed to turn right. Sometimes you get sick, let down, betrayed, lose your
job, divorce, waste your time, make bad decisions, perpetuate bad habits, and
get old. In addition, you may notice you are often complaining and describing
the problem more than doing something to solve it.
SO
WHAT DO YOU DO?
PLAY THE CARDS THAT ARE DEALT!
Most
people prefer to complain about the situation they are in rather than
figuring out how to improve their situation. Remember, LIFE IS AS IT IS,
INSTEAD OF HOW IT SHOULD BE.
Consider
what Christopher Reeve did. After finding fame and fortune as a movie star
and celebrity, he experienced a horrific accident in 1995 from which he
became a quadriplegic. He was confined to a wheelchair and required a
portable ventilator for the rest of his life. He lobbied on behalf of people
with spinal-cord injuries and
for human embryonic stem cell research,
founding the Christopher Reeve Foundation and co-founding the Reeve-Irvine Research Center.
Somehow, he decided to play the cards that were dealt and still touched the
lives of millions until his death in 2004 at age 52.
If
your life destination has a roadblock, figure out a way to get around it.
Life is too short to waste your time whining, stalling, rationalizing, and
swimming in self-pity.
Remember,
DOING IT RIGHT IS SECONDARY. DOING IT IS PRIMARY! So replace the
whining habit with energy to create solutions and action.
2.
LIFE IS FAIR, UNFAIR, AND BOTH.
When
you are little, you routinely complain to your parents that life is unfair.
Your children likely say the same thing to you, "That is not fair!"
And, the answer is, "That's right!" Some things are fair, and some
things are unfair, and in life it is often both. LIFE IS MESSY.
Whoever
said that life is supposed to be fair? If you believe life is supposed to be
fair, you are likely to be miserable and swimming upstream (see Axioms #1 and
#7).
Some
people seem to get better breaks. Some situations are blocked for you. Some circumstances
have unfair outcomes. Sometimes you will be denied admission, you will be
abandoned, cheated, deceived, and some family members will get more and treat
you disrespectfully. Sometimes people will appear to discriminate against
you. Sometimes bad things happen to good people... and it's unfair.
WHAT
DO YOU DO?
ADAPT, ADJUST, IMPROVISE, AND OVERCOME!
Plot
an alternative course to your destination. Keep your standards high, maintain
your self-respect, do the right thing, love what you can love and let the
rest go... and keep going! It is all about the journey more than the goal.
3. WHAT I RADIATE, I ATTRACT. WHAT I FOCUS ON
EXPANDS. PEOPLE WILL TREAT ME HOW I TEACH THEM TO TREAT ME.
Think
about this. It might just be
so obvious you might miss it.
Think
about how you routinely behave. If people are warm around you, you might be
helping them to behave that way. If people are distant and non-responsive,
you might be teaching them to behave that way. If you expect people to be
unimpressed with you, you will likely conclude they are.
What
you radiate, you attract. Generally, if you are warm, people are inclined to
be warm in return. If you are hostile, people reward you either with distance
or hostility in return.
You become more interesting when you are interested.
More
than you know, you teach people how to treat you. So think about how
you behave in the first place. Love begets love. Hate begets hate. Distance
begets distance. Criticism begets loneliness.
Your
pride is often very expensive and a colossal time waster.
WHAT
DO YOU DO?
RADIATE WHAT YOU WANT TO ATTRACT.
As
Ken Keys says, "A
loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile
world. Everyone you meet is your mirror."
YOUR
CHOICE OF HOW YOU CONDUCT YOURSELF IN YOUR WORLD LARGELY CREATES THE WORLD
AROUND YOU.
4. AS AN ADULT, I AM RESPONSIBLE.
The
biggest indicator of being an adult is the willingness and practice of taking
responsibility for yourself, your actions, decisions, relationships, behaviors,
beliefs, feelings, successes and failures. To continually blame everyone else
and avoid responsibility is a habit that too often will keep you dependent,
weak, and in emotional prison.
If
life is going well for you, you probably had a huge contribution in creating
that - good habits, health, wealth, positive relationships, happiness,
success.
If
life is terrible, you probably also contributed to that outcome - bad habits,
poor health, broke, upside down financially, under-educated, miserable, weak,
irresponsible, dishonest, dependent.
If
life is a huge pile of boring, underwhelming, meaningless, and
unimpressive... you did that too: simply putting in time, doing just enough
to get by, waiting for "hump day," pay day, retirement, and life to
be over. Passing your life with time, rather than passing your time with
life.
Remember, you CAN avoid being responsible by refusing to
do anything. Note: "Doing nothing" is a decision and a choice for
which you must also take responsibility.
SO
WHAT DO YOU DO?
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF.
Operate
from high standards, self-respect, and strength of character. Own your
situation, your decisions, your conduct, and your life direction. Look
in the mirror and if you like and respect what you see... then good for you!
On the other hand, if you are unhappy with what you see, and your
self-respect is in the tank, then it is time to take more responsibility
for yourself and do something about it.
5. FORGIVENESS WORKS WONDERS.
Pride
is very expensive. Think about how often you are angry, betrayed, insulted,
rejected, abandoned, cynical, humiliated, let down, embarrassed, and/or upset
by someone or some people. Often you will be so bothered that you refuse
to forgive them.
Now,
think about the effect on you. You remain in this emotional prison
refusing to forgive. Sometimes you are unable to let it go and get on with
your life. You remain bitter, hurt, scared, angry, prideful, and wanting a
pound of flesh. Further, you may start noticing that in reflection, you may
have had some contribution to the bad experience and/or you
continue to punish yourself for being so weak, stupid, vulnerable, etc. Now
you are unable to forgive them and unable to forgive yourself. Most of
the time your pride prevents you from getting out of emotional prison. So you
waste time that you are unable to get back.
WHAT
DO YOU DO?
DECIDE TO FORGIVE. NOW!
Forgive
others and yourself for being imperfect and human. Then you can get on
with life with less focus on being emotionally hostage and with more focus on
your next chapter. Forgiveness lets go of being stuck in the past and
charts a new course for the future.
Consider
what is more important:
When you forgive YOU get out of emotional prison and you develop grace. The bonus is that
sometimes you get to reestablish and restore important relationships.
6. I MUST CHANGE MY BEHAVIOR FIRST.
It
is the best way to cascade change around you. We are all responsible for
at least 50% contribution to every outcome in relationships in which we
participate.
We
all contribute to the outcomes if they are good and also if they are bad. We
are either often causing the problems and/or enabling them to continue.
When
you change your contribution FIRST, you will create a condition where others
HAVE to adjust and change. Sometimes the only way to win is to refuse to
play.
Remember,
you have much more control and power over YOUR own behavior and conduct
anyway.
WHAT
DO YOU DO?
MAKE THE FIRST MOVE.
Reach
out, compliment, reinforce, forgive, listen, understand, empathize, show
patience, respect, and flexibility. Ask them to dance.
Quit
enabling, refuse to participate, remove yourself from toxic circumstances,
trust your judgment, choose to operate from strength. Let them infect their
own lives. The only way that someone can take advantage of you is with your
consent.
Choose
your self-respect first.
Mahatma
Gandhi said, "You must be the change you wish to see in the
world."
7. ACCEPTANCE IS DIFFERENT FROM APPROVAL.
I
can accept without agreeing. I can also accept without concluding resignation
or defeat. See Axiom #1, "Life is as it is, instead of how it should
be." Sometimes in order to function in life, I must accept how things
are rather than getting upset and disapproving or retreating in defeat.
Think
about life as a river, I can go downstream and get in the river in the
direction it is flowing rather than fighting life by swimming upstream and
wasting energy or disconnecting and disengaging from life and relationships.
In this context, there are types of people:
A. BYSTANDERS. People who watch life go by
without any engagement. They avoid contributing to society and spend their
time being oblivious, feeling entitled, and/or being apathetic. They act like
they have years in their life instead of life in their years. They
are unaware there is a river anywhere or where it is going.
B. EXHAUSTERS. People who swim upstream
and fight life. They are often unhappy, angry, defensive, critical,
suspicious, cranky, pessimistic; they compensate for weaknesses and describe
the problem. These people always seem to have a cause, a protest, a
need to make life fair, a hyper-sensitivity to life being unfair, a constant
need to fix and repair people, and an inability to reconcile the difference
between how life should be and how it is.
C. SURFERS. People who go downstream contributing
to society, optimistic, capitalizing on strengths, solving the problems. These people surf the
waves, avoid the rocks, contribute to the greater good, and enjoy life. They
pursue happiness and enjoy it after they find it. They help people to help
themselves. They spend more time reinforcing and appreciating than
criticizing and invalidating.
The
Surfers can accept without having to approve all the time. They make room for
lots of types of people and situations. They can embrace the differences more
than condemn them. They can forgive, change their behavior first, and take
responsibility for themselves.
WHAT
DO YOU DO?
START SURFING AND GOING DOWNSTREAM.
"Even
if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit
there." - Will Rogers
"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue
happiness. You must catch it yourself." - Benjamin Franklin
8.
LIFE IS ABOUT
LEARNING LESSONS, AND LESSONS WILL BE REPEATED UNTIL THEY ARE LEARNED.
Every
one of life's dilemmas is doing you a favor by opening a window for you to
learn a lesson. How much are you willing to pay the freight and learn the
lesson?
What
happens if you fail to learn the lesson? You remain destined to repeat it
over and over again.
Consider
some very expensive lessons to learn:
- Physical and financial
irresponsibility: Consuming more than you need and spending more than you
have.
- Demonstrating poor
character without integrity, responsibility, and generosity of spirit.
WHAT
DO YOU DO?
REFLECT ON YOUR EXPERIENCES, LEARN THE LESSONS, AND CLEAN UP
YOUR MESS.
Wisdom happens when experience collides with reflection on
experience. So, make a point to regularly reflect on your experiences to
determine life's lessons.
Remember,
happiness is about wanting what you have rather than having what you want. He who dies with the most
toys is still dead.
Here
are some final thoughts for your consideration.
"We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality,
tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects
all indirectly." Martin Luther King
"Our deepest fear is not that we are
inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is
our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am
I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child
of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing
enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around
you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in
everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other
people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our
presence automatically liberates others."
Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the
Principles of A Course in Miracles.
|
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Going forward, consider using the "SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©."
Hello,
Over your lifetime, what's more valuable, gaining approval
or having self-respect? Is it more important to be popular or to be
respected?
Think
about it and read more below.
At your service,
Dr. Mitchell Perry
YOUR "SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©"
Being Popular vs. Being Respected
Consider the
difference between being popular with others in contrast to being respected
by others. The following contrasts might get your attention:
POPULAR
- Wants to be liked / avoid disapproval
- Doubts their own judgment
- Less adult / less mature
- Less responsible
- Externally grounded
- Avoids conflict
- Responds to peer pressure
- Defers / over-accommodates
- Difficulty with saying no
- Needs to fit in
- Operates from weakness
- Less strength of character
RESPECTED
- Wants respect from others
- Trusts their own judgment
- More adult / more mature
- More responsible
- Internally grounded
- Deals with conflict
- Prefers to be eccentric
- Stands ground / faces the music
- Okay with saying no
- Little need to fit in
- Operates from strength
- More strength of character
In your network, you have known many people
who prefer to be more in one category than the other. And, when
you think about it, you may start concluding that more than half the people you
know are more interested in being popular than being respected. Perhaps
they are too often operating from weakness and therefore are more hostage
to the approval of others.
Which category appears to be more like
you? How much would you like to live your life being more regularly
respected?
YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH YOURSELF
Do you ever notice that every morning you wake
up... you wake up YOU? You are always there, regardless of your dreams or
fantasies about being someone else.
I like to say, "Wherever you go, there you are, so there
you go!" This means that every morning when you
look in the mirror, there you are. You will always be attending
that meeting and that experience with yourself so it makes perfect sense to
enjoy and feel good about what you see in the mirror.
It is insane to dislike or disrespect the
person always attending your party: You.
So, your judgment, your approval, your
self-respect, your self-concept is primary. Therefore, to be partially or
routinely hostage to the approval / disapproval of others over your own is
profoundly counter-productive and insane.
ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS:
1. Which
has a longer shelf-life, being popular or being respected?
When you think about it, being popular is similar to fashion, one minute
it is IN and the next minute it is OUT. Being popular means that you
are hostage to the whims of the masses and often the masses, can be
fickle. There is often great group pressure to
belong to the Union of Fitting In. You will also notice that people
who are popular rarely have a strong opinion on anything and they are careful
to routinely avoid being controversial or strong-willed. They want
to fit in, be nice, court favor, and avoid conflict. Therefore,
popular people are easy to
like.
Your being hostage to the approval / disapproval of
others perpetually makes you adjust your standards and conduct in the
interest of gaining that temporary favor from
them.
Moreover, you will notice that people who are respected tend to be respected
for a long time. They are willing to be unpopular in the
interest of a higher standard. They are often people to whom you
look up to because they often choose a higher principle and are
willing to stick with it. Principles, values, and standards are important
to people who are respected. They often emerge as thought leaders
and role models. They also think that fitting in to the trend
of the day is unthinkable and that everyone who is concerned about being
popular is out of step with what is important. Instead they are
committed to strength of character and want to operate from integrity,
responsibility, and generosity of spirit.
SO, BEING RESPECTED HAS A LONGER SHELF-LIFE.
SO, BEING RESPECTED HAS A LONGER SHELF-LIFE.
2. Which
is more likely?
If
you are liked and popular you will be
respected?
OR
If you are
respected you will be liked and popular?
Certainly it is true that either one lacks a
guarantee.
On the other hand, think about how much you will respect someone if you
like them. Think about the people you think are popular and
liked. It is easy to like them because they are easy to be around...
fun, funny, charming, affable, polite, mannerly, flexible, accommodating,
deferential, amiable, empathetic, and caring. All good
qualities. On the other hand, it is less likely you will respect
them.
If you respect someone, you admire their values, convictions, discipline,
standards, and willingness to live by strong principles. Over
time, you might notice that you are gradually drawn to them and actually
might begin to like them even if you disagree with some or all
of their
convictions.
SO, IF YOU ARE RESPECTED, YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE LIKED.
3. If
you operate largely from self-respect, are you more likely to be respected?
The degree to which you get respect from others is in direct proportion to
your own self-respect. The more self-respect you have, the more
respect you will get from others.
Example: You get pressure from your peers to participate in doing
drugs because it is cool, everyone is doing it, and you want to avoid
being called a wimp.
So, to get group approval, you consent, do the drugs and then later regret
it big time for a variety of reasons. Sometimes you have to do the
"right" thing because your self-respect is at stake. When you do, you respect what you
see in the mirror, and then "they" will likely respect you
more.
OVERALL IT APPEARS THAT SELF-RESPECT AND BEING
RESPECTED IS OVERWHELMINGLY THE PREFERRED CHOICE.
So how do you ensure that you operate from a
position of self-respect?
YOUR
"SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©"
Going forward, consider using the "SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©."
You know what a barometer measures: air
pressure. And, as you may know, boaters and airplane pilots always check
the barometer before they venture out into the sea or sky. If the
barometer indicates a storm coming, it might be a bad idea to go out in bad
weather. Barometers give you a reliable prediction of what is coming.
Consider this, you probably wear a watch, and
you probably routinely look at your watch to check the time (or you might
routinely look at your mobile phone for the same purpose). Regularly
checking the time helps you make important decisions at particular points in
the day.
So imagine that you NOW have an additional
gauge on your watch (or phone) and this one is called your "SELF-RESPECT
BAROMETER©" and it continually measures your self-respect at any time you
want to check it.
Now imagine you are going to make a decision
about a relationship, an initiative, a purchase, a reaction, etc. and this
decision has some emotion attached to it, which means this next decision might
be impacted by that emotion.
Take a look at the following examples around
which you have 2 choices. Consider which choice is likely to increase
your self-respect.
- Run away from the mess you've created and hope the conflict resolves itself
- Clean up the mess you made and resolve the conflict
- Buy the item because you must have it even though you lack the money
- Routinely set aside money so you can build up your monetary supply
- Drink and drive because you will be "fine"
- Get a ride home and be safe
- Break your commitment with someone because you just got a "better deal"
- Stick with your commitment because you want to be good to your word
- Betray a relationship with "little white lies"
- Stay loyal, honest, and face the music
- Over-accommodate your spouse / children to avoid the conflict and whining
- Stand fast, say no, and remain calm
- Criticize and blame others because it is always "their fault"
- Own your behavior, pay the freight, and take responsibility for your contribution
- Be defensive and argumentative because you must win and/or avoid losing
- Step up and work on reaching agreement and compromise
- Stay in a toxic relationship, play the victim, practice self-pity, and stay miserable
- Offload the relationship, learn your lessons, and move into your next chapter
- Abandon your commitment to staying healthy because it is "boring"
- Stick with your exercise and diet discipline to stay healthy and have a long life
- Stay in a job you hate because you are afraid to be in charge of your life
- Take responsibility for your destiny and find a new direction that you enjoy
- Carry a grudge, keep condemning, and wanting a pound of flesh from them
- Forgive, get over it, move on, love what you can love and let the rest go
- Compromise your standards because it is easier and "everybody does it"
- Stick with your standards because you are calmer inside when you do
BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY
MAKE THE DECISION, SIMPLY CHECK YOUR
WATCH AND LOOK AT YOUR SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER©."
Now ask yourself this question, "If I choose this decision, does my
self-respect go up or down?" If the answer is DOWN, then
you can decide to make another decision instead.
If the answer is UP, then go ahead and make
that decision!
Remind yourself that self-respect is always
the guiding light, the guidance counselor, the mentor, the internal locus of
control. Is it worth compromising your self-respect when you make the
wrong decision?
WHEN YOU ROUTINELY USE THE "SELF-RESPECT
BAROMETER©" TO GUIDE YOUR CONDUCT, YOU ARE LIKELY TO MAKE DIFFERENT AND
BETTER DECISIONS. THEREFORE, PUT YOUR SELF-RESPECT FIRST.
You then start trusting your judgment
more.
Remember, your self-respect begets higher
standards in you. You are therefore likely to show more respect to
others, which in turn begets more respect from them.
YOUR SELF-RESPECT BAROMETER IS HIDING IN PLAIN
SIGHT! Refer to it often.
Keep the "Self-Respect Barometer©"
close by and look at it often. You will notice that it will help you make
important decisions, retain your strength of character, and your
self-respect.
TODAY'S TICKLE
You
think English is easy?
- The bandage was wound around the wound.
- The farm was used to produce produce.
- The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
- We must polish the Polish furniture.
- He could lead if he would get the lead out.
- The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
- Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
- A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
- When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
- I did not object to the object.
- The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
- There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
- They were too close to the door to close it.
- The buck does funny things when the does are present.
- A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
- To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
- The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
- Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
- I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
- How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
