Thursday, March 2, 2017

March 2017 DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE IN BUSINESS


DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE IN BUSINESS
 People can be difficult... and dealing effectively with people in business is crucial to your success.  When you learn how to identify and deal more effectively with people's behavior in business you are way ahead of the game, and your career (and sanity) will benefit enormously.  These skills and benefits can be of great value in the following circumstances:
  • When applying for a new job
  • Asking for a promotion or a referral
  • Maintaining balance and equilibrium on the job
  • Gaining a new account
  • Succeeding in the merger, reorganization or acquisition of your company
  • Navigating through the political waters at work
  • Doing the maintenance on a difficult colleague or customer
Let's begin by identifying some popular difficult personality types.
  1. The Hostile - This type includes:
    • The Bully - the boss or coworker or business contact who takes pleasure in running over you or throwing you under the bus. 
    • The Sniper - the person who says something nasty and pretends to be innocent.
    • The Exploder - Their favorite line is "Don't make me mad," so you are always on guard for an explosion.
  2. The Negative/Critical Complainer - Everything is always wrong, bad, awful, and miserable.  They are professional whiners.
  3. The Unresponsive - They are silent, non-communicative, unemotional, and distant.  It is impossible to tell what their position is on anything. 
  4. The Indecisive - Perpetually ambivalent, stalling,  uncommitted; they are afraid of making mistakes, being wrong, and being exposed.  
  5. The Judge/Calculator - "Let me analyze this," remaining critical, pejorative, everything is slightly flawed and imperfect. 
  6. The Passive/Aggressive - Appearing compliant while sabotaging, undermining, and criticizing all the time. 
  7. The Professional Victim - Self pity, wallowing in "Ain't it awful?"  "I'm so mistreated."  "You can't possibly understand what I've been through."  "It isn't fair!"
Sound familiar?  What do you do about these types when you have to work with them, answer to them, persuade them?   

Here are some effective strategies you can use:  (Remember that different types require different tools, and it is helpful if you can use many people tools in your tool box.)
  1. Keep a smile going, remain strong, impervious to the manipulations (works well on the Negative Complainers).
  2. Remove yourself (when possible) from the difficult person, its a frustration when they lack an audience (works on the Bully). 
  3. Validate their opinion before you counter with yours. They will be less difficult when they feel valued.
  4. Listen first.  Listening is the best way to get your point across.  As Dr. Stephen Covey says in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, "seek first to understand, then be understood" (works on everyone, especially the Judge/Calculator). 
  5. Replace "yeah but" in your dialog with "on the other hand."  This small change will calm down escalation of contests and conflicts.
  6. Ask them to help you understand.  People are less likely to be difficult when asked for help (works on the Indecisive and Unresponsive).
  7. Reinforce their value following a criticism.  People respond to what they heard last, therefore, they will be less defensive.
  8. Engage in three or more options.  People will be less contestual when there are multiple options available. 
  9. Replace "you should" with "you might" or "I encourage you to..."  People get very difficult when they hear the word "should." 
  10. Expose their routine.  Announce your confusion with mixed messages from them (sometimes effective on Passive/Aggressive). 
Above all, maintain your power and your sense of humor.  People can only wreck your day with your consent.  Though certainly difficult people often appear to want you to enjoy their misery with them, keep in mind you can always allow them to enjoy their private party by themselves.  Remember the movie, "War Games?"  At the end of the movie, the computer concluded "the only way to win, is not to play."  How true sometimes.    
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December 2016 MERRY MERRY FROM JM PERRY


HO HO HOLIDAY GREETINGS!



NOW BE OF GOOD CHEER... IT'S ONCE AGAIN HERE,

THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!



THE COOKIES ARE BAKING, THE LIGHTS THEY ARE TWINKLING,

THE REINDEER ARE READY, WHILE KRIS KRINGLE IS WINKING!



THERE'S PRESENTS, AND EGG NOG, RED RIBBONS WITH GREEN HOLLY,

THERE'S RUDOLPH, AND MISTLETOE, AND SANTA SO JOLLY!



WE'LL FIND OUR SMILE, AND THEN BRING OUT OUR BEST,

WE CAN PLAY, SING, AND DREAM, AND LET GO OF THE REST!



SO, DRESS UP IN FINE FEATHERS, WITH JUST THE RIGHT GLITTER,

BRING FRIENDS BY, HUG THEM ALL, THEY'LL BE ALL A'TWITTER!



THE BAND PLAYS YOUR SONG, AND DARE YOU TAKE THE CHANCE,

TO GET OUT ON THE FLOOR, GRAB THE RHYTHM, AND JUST DANCE?



YOUR SPIRIT IS NOW POISED, TO GATHER AND START CAROLING,

SPREAD YOUR MAGIC AND WARMTH WITH THE JUST THE RIGHT MERRYLING!



WHEN YOU REACH OUT TO TOUCH PEOPLE'S LIVES YOU WILL LEARN,

AS YOU SPREAD YOUR MERRY, YOUR LIFE GETS TOUCHED IN RETURN!


MERRY MERRY FROM JM PERRY!



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    FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION                      

Here is a famous poem written by Max Ehrmann around 1927. It is important for us all as we go through the chapters of our lives. Look it over slowly and you will notice how much, a century later, it still applies today and is a good reminder especially now during the holidays and into our next year.
With abiding merries and affection,
Dr. J. Mitchell Perry
desiderata - by max ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

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